#mind fusion

The jester remembered hitting the tiles as the remnants of the wild mustang blew over them in the form of cyan dust that clouded up the surrounding area; and she finally felt free from Kinger’s explosive, jagged mind. The transition of suddenly being one with a stranger, followed by the surprisingly hollowed, empty feeling of them ripping themselves away from the jester was alien, but strangely unwanted.

For a brief moment, she didn’t feel alone anymore.

But he let go.

She was alone with her own thoughts once again – and the steed she rode to help the people she barely knew, crumbled away too suddenly.

She was falling.

With the sharp pain of tumbling over Jax, who at that point, had been shielding Ragatha from the blow of Kinger’s knight, she coughed out groans at the burns of skidding across the cold tiles.

The moment of solidarity came and went in a blink.

No, not a blink… a howl.

That was the last thing Pomni remembered taking in by her own tuition – Gangle’s manic, pain-struck howl – the cry of a beast that had nothing left to lose.

A sheet of darkness eclipsed the bright, colourful surroundings and the girl almost felt relief.

But nothing followed, only numbness.

Physically, the jester’s last coherent moment was the unmistakable sensation of abnormally strong ribbons scurrying and slithering all over her body while porcelain melted itself to the skin of her face. A moment of panic flashed in her mind when she felt her mouth seal shut, unable to allow air for her to breathe, but the world faded away.

Her thoughts faded away and she didn’t bother fighting. She caved and allowed herself to become compliant.

Pomni was just… so tired.

The jester wasn’t sure if Gangle liked that or not, but she couldn’t care less at that point.

All was numb, all was dark, but the presence of Gangle was undeniable. Pomni was blind and her head felt empty, but the masked ribbon was there.

Just… there.

Once again, the jester was trapped within the amalgamation of her own mind that was melded and mixed with someone else’s. It was like whiplash, Kinger’s loud, panic-ridden, explosive thoughts, to Gangle’s hushed, muddled state of sheer numbness.

Worst of all, she wasn’t sure if it was only Gangle’s numbness, because she felt it too.

The jester’s epiphany should have terrified her, but she couldn’t feel anything… and she didn’t have the strength to search for any trace of her own self. She and Gangle was for all intents and purposes; one.

One pathetic amalgamation of hopelessness, dread and misery.

At least, not a lonely state to be in.

In the current moment, the jester and the masked ribbon were idly dormant in the depths of Pomni’s mindspace. Pomni was blind and wrapped in Gangle’s coils. The tight, restrictive grasp of the ribbons, holding her suspended in the cool inky blackness, seemed to cling to her out of desperation, rather than dominance. When the pang of ironic sympathy struck Pomni upon the realization, Gangle shivered around her, tightening her hold by a fraction, making the little jester believe that their emotions were intertwined too.

Everything that each of them felt would find its way to the other.

Within the silent darkness, thoughts surprisingly did not come easy – only in small stringy strands; as spontaneous and random trails that withered with moments of passing.

Where were they now? Did it matter?

Were they alone? Did they not prefer that?

How long had it been? Will it ever end?

Would the others come looking for them? Did they really need to?

When the jester paused, she finally realized that every question was met with another, similar to her own and yet not hers at all. An icy shudder crawled down the jester’s spine as she discovered that Gangle’s thoughts were mixed with her own.

There was a moment of existentialism in which Pomni tried to decipher just how much was shared and how much was private.

What was hers and what was Gangle’s?

To no one’s surprise, she was met with no answer – just the sinking feeling deep in her gut that resembled annoyance, which, no doubt, belonged to the masked ribbon, causing Pomni to huff as well. It took a second for more annoyance to sprout, but Pomni could not tell if it was her that was annoyed by her lack of privacy and Gangle’s disregard for it; or Gangle’s own rising annoyance at Pomni’s inexperience with the odd situation.

 Oh, sure, no worries! It was no trouble at all to get used to having your consciousness fused with a completely different person! Yeah, no, totally an average Tuesday!

It was a faint sense of smugness that simmered beneath the surface of the aloof presence all around her that had the little jester fuming quietly. As the silence stretched, she found herself feeling… relieved to have something to be mad about.

Something to feel with purpose.

Like her first raw encounters with Zooble.

In a mere second, it was like the air had frozen solid and Pomni had a moment to remember that her thoughts weren’t all her own anymore. She cursed herself for feeling the mess of guilt and frustration about reminiscing Gangle’s partner so fondly when the ribbon had a front row seat to all she thought and felt.

Wasn’t this a violation of some kind? No, screw the homicidal ribbon; she was allowed to miss her friend.

Her friend…?

Hush!

Despite the jester’s abrupt cut-off, she couldn’t help but let out a breath as her chest warmed and her heart melted as the image of Zooble entered her mind’s eye, followed by the yearning longing and crushing guilt of running away when the Zolo-being called after her.

No, nevermind, that was all Gangle’s mind.

You hush now!

It was Pomni’s turn to be smug at Gangle’s fluster, which quickly got replaced by a sinking, longing sorrow as the heartbreaking scene of Zooble’s outstretched hands and glossy eyes flooded their minds; all while Kinger held them back from chasing after the ribbon that scurried away as she wielded the body of the newly possessed jester.

Pomni felt herself deflate at that, swallowing a lump back in her throat, unable to stop herself from feeling pity for the poor ribbonoid.

Damn it, Zooble would have a field day making fun of her for being such a softie.

They wouldn’t let her live it down for a while, for sure…

The air was lifted a little and the stray thought of Gangle made it hard for Pomni to suppress a chuckle.

Zooble would probably chew them out straight after for running off.

Probably, but it would be short lived.

Probably.

Silence…

It felt easier… there was a lingering warm tingle with every flash of brightly coloured shapes and funny limbs that managed to sneak its way into either of their minds. Pomni had to physically fight back a slither of awe at how adorable the ribbinoid’s involuntary reactions to thoughts of her partner were – and while the jester was met with a strike of flustered annoyance, there was no lingering resentment from Gangle.

It was going better…

There was still a while’s way to go.

But it was something, right?

Why even bother…?

Pomni couldn’t answer that; not even to herself.

Why did she even try? Up until now, since the first time she even interacted with Gangle, she had been shut down. Granted, her infatuation with the masked ribbon probably made her come on too strong, but she had not done or said anything since then to push any further. Gangle was the one to push her away before she could even approach to make amends. She never stood a chance to have any form of a relationship with the ribbon.

Why did she still try, despite everything?

Because… Right now, you are all I have to hold onto.

It hurt to admit, but it was the truth.

She didn’t know where she was. She didn’t know how long it had been. There was no way out and no one else with her.

All she had, was the ribbons wrapped all around her and kept taut to restrain her – to blind her.

To keep her from falling into the unknown depths that she really didn’t want to fall prey to.

Pomni’s breath hitched as she felt the ribbons wrapped around her, dampen with tears she didn’t know she had. The long shiny tendrils rattled as she sobbed; and seemed to tighten around her by a fraction.

There was a swell in the saddened realization that Pomni felt, but she was sure it was no longer all her own emotions.

What came next, was what made the dam break.

You… need me...?

Yes. Yes, I need you.

It was quiet, but the air around the jester and the masked ribbon shifted to that of a heartbreaking epiphany, one with sorrow, longing, anger, loss and resolution.

Gangle clung to the jester, letting her ribbons slide and caress the suspended body, like she was taking in the jester for the first time.

Maybe she could convince herself that she didn’t need anyone, just like Kaufmo practically beat into her head… but that didn’t mean that no one needed her.

Somehow, it hurt to think of that for the first time.

It felt like relief, but it hurt just as much – a feeling she couldn’t wrap her head around.

But it didn’t feel… bad.

It took a while, but the air around the girls settled; and quiet sobs faded into an occasional hitched and shared breath as a cool porcelain forehead rested against the pale, soft skin of the jester’s, with the occasional shift causing Pomni’s ebony locks to tickle the ivory mask.

The ribbons blinding Pomni’s view, gradually gave way and allowed for her to gaze into the inky black pits that were Gangle’s eyes.

Moments felt like ages as time passed and the two calmed down – neither willing to let the other go. Events blurred together, but they ended up sitting back-to-back, leaning against each other, unwilling to break apart, but each needing time to themselves – well, as much as they could, considering that their consciousness were intertwined so intimately.

They kept one of each; hand and ribbon, securely wrapped together, unwilling to let go.

The silence stretched and it made the girls each run a digit over the other, to which the other would respond with a squeeze. Back and forth, this happened every once in a while, just to be sure that the other was still there. It was unspoken, but they understood. Pomni found herself not minding the touch of the sentient ribbons and porcelain mask, whereas any other’s touch would usually make her skin crawl. Of course, no longer alone with her own thoughts, a soft thrum of acknowledgement to that fact, did not go unnoticed from the little jester.

The quiet became normal, paired with the occasional caress or touch, but it made it much easier for thoughts to wander.

Pomni sighed, not wanting to ruin the atmosphere, but deciding to break to silence, speaking up this time, using her words rather than shared thoughts.

“Are you ok?”

What a silly question. Gangle just spiraled out of sanity, maiming and torturing a friend, holding her hostage as her other friends fought tooth and nail to free her – all while the masked ribbon laughed and preened at how easily she managed to stir everything into a chaotic mess.

By the flick of a mere feature, and a storm was unleashed, all because of the ragdoll.

Because she was important. She was powerful. Gangle held the heart of the Oasis winding within her coils. Without her, they would be nothing. They needed Ragatha; that’s what he always used to say.

They couldn’t make it without her.

And now, finally, Gangle had someone who wouldn’t make it without her.

“Are you, ok?” Gangle’s soft, raw voice rung back, sounding much smaller and meeker than Pomni expected.

“I don’t know.” The jester answered truthfully, seeing no possible way of lying in this state, “I don’t think I ever was.”

“I don’t know anymore… I just know I used to feel better, I think.”

“Before I came, you mean?” Pomni asked, too tired to sound bitter.

“Before Kaufmo left.” The masked ribbon deliberately clarified, a hint of annoyance sparking up the air around her.

“Oh.” Pomni simply said, thinking that was the end of it, since Gangle seemed reluctant to share anyways.

To the jester’s surprise, however, it appeared that Pomni’s willingness to let the subject die, was all the ribbon needed to perceive it as an open mic.

“You’re pretty entitled to think that you have such a big influence on anything we do.” Gangle said numbly, as if she was talking about the weather, “You’re not one of us, you know? We were fine without you and I doubt that it would change very soon. So, don’t go breaking yourself into bits about ruining anything for us. You don’t matter enough to destroy anything we build up to be.”

Pomni furrowed her eyebrows after a moment of contemplation, taking in Gangle’s cold words, “…Is that supposed to insult me or comfort me?”

“However the shoe fits.” You’re amusing.

“Unbelievable…” I’m worthless.

“Listen to me.” Gangle said, brushing and sliding her ribbons along the little jester’s body, as if she was trying to soothe the girl, but only making her shiver with a small slither of unease hanging in the air, “I’m not calling you worthless. I’m saying that we didn’t find use in your worth yet. You’re not one of us yet, because we don’t know how you’re worth will play into ours. It’s not personal, but you could make us or break us.”

The jester paused, mulling it over. Gangle could feel the very space around them twist and contort with how loud Pomni was trying to think, offering awkwardly, “Do you want me to explain it again, or-?”

“I got it, I got it, geez.” Pomni’s annoyance was palpable, but her thumb brushed over the scarlet ribbons so gently, Gangle couldn’t help but squeeze back as the clown-girl explained herself, “I just don’t know how to feel about it, I think?”

“Oh, that’s what that was.” Gangle seemed to shrug dismissively, but it felt weird since Pomni was once again partially wrapped in the ribbon’s coils. She hated how comforting it was, all while essentially being told that she wasn’t useful to have around.

It must count as some kind of abuse, right?

Maybe, but things felt easier to face with someone holding onto her so desperately. That fact alone made Pomni see through Gangle’s deception she still managed, despite the girls sharing a mind.

“You are a two-faced liar.” The jester mumbled, squeezing the ribbon wrapped around her hand.

“Thanks, I haven’t noticed.” chimed Gangle dryly, looking over her shoulder to Pomni, making the brightly dressed girl bark a laugh.

“Ok, that one was unintentional, I swear.”

“Sure it was.”

“Oh, come on!” Pomni sighed, still smiling, leaning into Gangle’s cradling embrace, “It doesn’t matter how we look at it. I said it before and I’ll say it again; I need you. You’re all I have… and based on how we’re clinging to each other like scared kids, I believe it’s safe to say that you at least need someone else to hear you out at this moment, right?”

“You don’t get it.” Gangle says, mask now fully turned to Pomni, “I shouldn’t. I just shouldn’t. My role in this system… I should be able to stand on my own. Yes, Jax keeps me grounded, but that is as far as it goes.”

Pomni doesn’t understand what the sentient ribbon meant, speaking of her and Jax and “the system” along with the apparent role she played in it, but it was something. She’d listen like her life depended on it.

It may as well have.

“I’m supposed to oversee… everything and everyone…” Gangle continued as her reeling mind was whirring all around them, flashes of memories of everyone, including others that Pomni had only seen on the abandoned room’s doors, “I study them, I read them, and I connect with them. I sync up to them and I record it. All of it. Notes, pictures, codes – anything. A separate venture that’s still so intertwined that the group can’t go without it. I see… everything. ‘You’re not supposed to depend on anyone to just use your eyes’ he used to say. When push comes to shove, I’m supposed to hold my own.”

Pomni let the moment breathe, before quietly prying, “Who told you all that?”

Nothing was said, but Pomni saw it.

A flash – a memory – of the white complexion with clown features, wearing mostly bright yellow.

The face of Kaufmo.

“He is our leader.” Gangle quickly barked as if defending herself, “Every group needs a leader, and he was the reason we made it this far. This is the group that had survived the longest. He’s a good leader.”

“Gangle…” Pomni gently said, voice quiet and concerned, “You keep saying he IS.”

Gangle grew quiet, grumbling something about forced habits, “You know what I meant.”

“No. I don’t… And I don’t think you do either.”

 “Of course I do!” Gangle hissed, despite her ribbon’s gentle caress over Pomni’s knuckles, letting the jester return the sentiment with an affectionate squeeze. “He’s… He’s gone.”

Oh god, he’s gone… he’s really gone…

He is. I’m so sorry.

“It feels so unreal” the ribbon finally admitted quietly, “He always spoke like he and I would be the last ones standing.”

“Did it disappoint you when he gave up?” Pomni’s question was soft and careful.

“I don’t know…” a heavy sigh escaped Gangle, “If it was either of us to go next, I always figured that I would be the first to lose it. I NEVER thought it would be him… A part of me is jealous of how easily he turned his back on us. All the preaching of ‘sticking through it together’ and ‘being there for one another, regardless of what we feel inside…’ Well, he made it feel like it meant nothing to him to begin with. He left us in this sinking ship with no regard for anyone but himself.

“What I’m getting at… is I feel guilty. And I feel jealous. I wish I could just let loose and let go like he did. He just GAVE UP. And I’m left to clean up the mess! I’m angry… he left me!”

Pomni remained silent, letting Gangle speak, letting her gloved thumb caress the ribbon wrapped around her hand in silent support.

I’m listening. I’m right here. I won’t leave.

“Do you know what makes it ALL even better?” the ribbonoid’s voice mumbled a sarcastic whisper, “Sometimes… Sometimes I’m glad he’s gone.”

A beat of silence follows and Pomni felt the weight of Gangle’s words finally sink in as the masked ribbon admitted numbly, “Maybe that just proves that I deserved it.”

Abstraction.

“No.” Came Pomni’s voice, quiet, but certain. “No one deserved this. No one deserved ANY of this.”

“You make it sound so simple… what if we were punished to be here for something we did in the real world?”

“That doesn’t matter now.” Pomni said decisively, “We are all in the same boat. We are all one bad day away from losing our minds. Whether we want to admit it or not, we all need each other.”

Gangle’s silence stretched for a minute.

“I want to need you, Pomni…” the ribbon let her limbs and body wrap around the jester in a twisted, organized mess, “I want you to need me.”

“I already told you; I need you.” The clown-girl whispered, barely recognizing her own voice as the euphoria of another’s desire for her to just be there, sweetly sunk its talons into Pomni’s mind.

These feelings are dangerous. Is it more of a risk than to be alone?

Neither of them knew. All they knew was that they became increasingly desperate to cling to each other. The hold of the ribbons was gentle, but desperate; and Pomni couldn’t bring herself to mind. Her fingers trailed along the scarlet tendrils, enchanted by the strange beauty of them.

Why couldn’t she let this infatuation rest? Why was Gangle the common factor that always seemed to hold her mind hostage?

“Nothing else matters right now.” Gangle said with a strange, misplaced reverence, “You are mine… and I won’t let anything take you from me. Please, let me have you; and I promise I will never let you go again.”

Oh god, this should be wrong. This should be very, very wrong.

But Pomni’s desire to have Gangle’s unyielding devotion was intoxicating. It was all she yearned for since she had gotten trapped in The Amazing Digital Circus.

She should say no. She should stand on her own two feet.

But god… the loneliness dragged her down. She was tired of fighting alone. Heaven knows how long it had been with no one else coming for either of them.

If she said yes, they would at least have each other, right?

A promise – a deal; One or none. One or none.

And so, it was decided with all their previous morals disregarded and the desperation for companionship as their sole motivator in their tangled mess of limbs and ribbons.

Not even death would do them part.

Part 4: (Previous) Oasis: TADC AU list Masterlist

End note:

Finally... this arc is finish. I mean, it only took me LITERAL YEARS to complete. But the first arc of this story is done. Despite many things I look back on and cringe at - be it the grammatical errors I missed or the plot holes and inconsistencies that haunt my dreams; I did it. And I'm so proud that I stuck to it.

This story is not over. As usual, I can't promise a regular updating schedule and I can't promise it will all be good. But what I can promise is that I want to finish this story and the Arcs to come.

May you have a lovely day and live life to the fullest.