#min.dev

she sighed, “it’s not that hard, just get over yourself and do it. that’s basically how i got with jaemin.”

“you’re failing to realize that not everyone is as blunt as you,” yongmi said, looking down at her nails, “you’ll just go up to someone and be like, hey, let’s hook up- or whatever, i’m not the type of person that does that.”

“okay-“ minjung wrinkled her nose, “first of all i don’t say it like that. do i need to give you lessons on how to ask someone out, are you that lonely?”

“you’ve just never had to deal with anxiety, you should be grateful. you should also be a little more considerate, you’re being a little rude.”

“am i being rude? or are you just being sensitive?”

yongmi was standing now, completely disregarding her blanket that fell to the ground when she stood up. “can you not be nice to me for once?”

“maybe i would if you weren’t so annoying about it,” minjung stood her ground when yongmi began walking towards her.

“maybe it’s not all me,” yongmi snapped, “maybe you should stop being such a bitch.”

woah, okay, that took a sharp turn. minjung rolled her eyes, trying to mask the fact that she was absolutely flabbergasted that yongmi, arguably one of the softest and most kindhearted people she knew, would ever call her a bitch to her face. such a word wasn’t even in her vocabulary most of the time. “who says i’m the one being a bitch?”

“woah, cat fight!” the two girls snapped their heads to the side to see honghui in the hallway exiting his room, still with his hand on the knob watching the two girls argue with a look of almost excitement on his face. “what’s going on out here? should i get snacks, how long is this gonna go on for?”

minjung scowled at him, “fuck off.”

“sorry,” honghui laughed, going back into his room, “continue.”

minjung sighed, not at all phased by honghui’s sudden appearance and just as sudden disappearance, “anyways, i believe we left off on you calling me a bitch.”

yongmi laughed, but it sounded lifeless and forced, not like her usual laugh (that yongmi herself absolutely hated), “yeah, because you can’t seem to understand that some people have a different mindset than you do! you do this all the time, too, it’s probably because your parents let your spoiled ass get away with whatever you wanted.”

“okay, what we’re not gonna do is bring my parents into a conversation that has nothing to do with them,” minjung spat, walking closer to yongmi, who stayed right where she was, despite minjung’s assumption that she’d back up as soon as she started inching closer.

“i mean, they’re the ones to blame for how you act. look at me, i’ve never had to face a minor inconvenience in my life, i have a super cute boyfriend and i talk about guys like they fall to their knees whenever i approach them-“

yongmi stopped when minjung raised her hand like she was about to slap her, but stopped when she saw how hard she made the former flinch. when she stood up straight again, minjung noticed yongmi had tears in her eyes, and she remembered how much yongmi hated confrontation. regardless, she held her head up high and continued.

“the fact that you’re resorting to hitting instead of a civil discussion-“ yongmi sniffed, blinking rapidly as she didn’t want minjung to see her cry. “that really says a lot about you. why can’t we be the way we used to-“ she cut herself off early when her voice broke. she stormed down the hall to her bedroom, but not before whacking the glass minjung had in her hand, spilling water down the front of her white tshirt.

“hey!” minjung called after her, “jaemin’s supposed to be coming later! i’m wearing a black bra you can literally see everything-!”

“i’m sure he’d love to see that!” yongmi called before slamming her door, leaving minjung standing in the living room with a soaked shirt and a dumbfounded expression.

it saddened yongmi more than she could ever get out in words that minjung wasn’t the same girl that she’d known when they were both 14 and joining a company for the first time, minjung with no experience in dancing whatsoever and yongmi barely even speaking korean. they bonded over how inexperienced they both were.

yongmi could recall a time where they snuck out of the building one afternoon while they were on break, and just walked down the streets of downtown seoul without a care in the world. they were so excited when the final lineup for solar was announced, especially considering the night prior they stayed up way past their curfew to stargaze in the roof of the smk building, convinced they would never see each other again because minjung was guaranteed a place in the final lineup and at that time, they thought yongmi wasn’t.

yongmi tried to make herself feel better by reminding herself that friendship wasn’t always forever, but she couldn’t help but miss that sense of comfort and nostalgia behind minjung’s warm eyes when she stared into them.

“what the hell is your problem?” elizabeth spat, bursting into minjung’s room, causing her to jump, leaving a mascara smear on the side of her face from where she was trying to do her makeup.

“what’s going on this time?” minjung sighed, pulling a wipe out of her makeup bag to rub off where she’d messed up.

elizabeth rounded the side of her bed, bending down behind the mirror minjung held in front of her face to do her makeup with to look her in the eye, “i found yongmi crying in our room earlier, and when i asked her what was wrong, she asked me if she was too sensitive. she said you said that to her.”

minjung shrugged, purposely, or so elizabeth assumed, avoiding her eye, “she was being sensitive.”

“fucking-“ elizabeth grabbed the mirror minjung was holding right out of her hand and stood up straight again, “look at me!”

“give it!” minjung whined like a little kid, holding her arms out in an attempt to reach it, “jaemin is coming over soon!”

elizabeth held the mirror behind her back and continued, “y’all can’t ever get along, and i’m fucking sick of it, someone needs to knock some sense into you.”

minjung rolled her eyes for what felt like the fiftieth time that day as elizabeth continued, “you guys argue over the stupidest things and you need to learn how to get along soon or it’s gonna look bad on the rest of us.”

“she called me a bitch,” minjung said defensively, only provoking elizabeth to continue her rant.

“maybe because you were being a bitch. you don’t want to admit it, but you’re spoiled, and you’re a brat, and honestly? you’re abusing you title as the leader. yongmi would be a better leader than you’ve ever been if you don’t smarten up.”

from the look on minjung’s face, you would’ve thought elizabeth had slapped her. but she managed to get out, “look, i don’t know why everyone is taking her side all of a sudden-“

“because you’re the one in the wrong! you need to quit acting like you’re always the victim and like the whole world revolves around you. sure, yongmi may have said a few mean things earlier, but she’s been putting up with it from you for god knows how long.”

“she’s-“

“you two are complete opposites. i get that, you don’t think the same, but you two used to be so close! i don’t know what happened between before we debuted and now but you need to start being more considerate and stop acting like a brat.”

“i-“

“stop trying to make excuses and smarten up already!”

silence. a deafening silence that made minjung’s ears ring. was she really as mean as yongmi and elizabeth said she was? so mean that they were starting to think she was abusing her title as a leader? she’d never admit it, but shit, that cut deep. she did miss how close she used to be with yongmi, she missed it a lot, she missed how genuine and sweet she was, something she wasn’t all that used to. sure, she loved her family but she’d never been as close with them as the relationships she’d developed outside of her own home. yongmi has brought her a sense of comfort she wasn’t all that used to, so what exactly happened?

she took a loud clap of thunder that made her flinch as her queue to go inside and dry off. reaching up and flattening her frizzy hair, she sighed, knowing her luck she’d probably have streaks of purple running down the back of her neck from the mix of sweat and rainwater from walking a few streets by herself, and the recent dye job she’d done a few days prior. once she was inside and in the elevator headed up to her dorm’s floor, minjung leaned against the wall of the elevator, huffing. she wondered where yongmi was, if she was maybe in the dorm, sitting on the couch watching tv, or maybe she’d retreated to the cafe in the company building across the street, sipping a hot chocolate and reading a book, away from the rain and any of her worries.

once she’d gotten into the dorm, yongmi wasn’t anywhere that she could see, her room, minjung assumed. that’s really the only place in the dorm where anyone could have the slightest bit of privacy, just kick your roommates out and tell them to go into the living room or the spare room (that wasn’t used as a spare room and was more than often used as a gaming room). instead, in the living room was yeonwoo at one end of the couch, and minjae at the other, watching some show on the tv.

minjae turned to glance at the door when minjung walked in. “did you get the good noodles?” he asked, to which she started digging into the small shopping bag she was holding. “oh heck yeah!” he exclaimed when she grabbed two packs of instant noodles out of the shopping bag.

“have you guys seen yongmi anywhere?” minjung asked as she took off her shoes and walked towards the kitchen to put her bag on the counter.

yeonwoo shrugged, “her room probably, why? you finally gonna apologize?”

minjung paused for a beat, “most likely,” she replied, avoiding yeonwoo’s eye while she unloaded the snacks she’d picked up from her bag and into the cupboards.

“did you talk about it with jaemin?” yeonwoo asked.

minjung nodded, laughing out of nervousness and awkwardness more than anything, “he handled it better than either of us did. that boy is a saint, i don’t know what i did to deserve him.”

“me neither,” yeonwoo snorted, causing minjung to turn around and shoot her a death glare.

yongmi, like minjung had assumed, was in her room, curled up on her bed. she didn’t even notice minjung slowly open the door and inch her way inside until she cleared her throat in an attempt to make her presence known. when yongmi looked up at her, minjung’s chest tightened uncomfortably.

“can i come in?” minjung asked quietly, to which yongmi nodded, and patted a spot next to her on the bed. minjung instead sat at the end of the bed, and yongmi straightened, sitting up better to look at her.

“so...” minjung started, “how are-“

“what’s actually the reason you’re in here?” yongmi blurted, “are you here to apologize? because i don’t think i want that unless it’s an actual apology.”

“i... i actually am here to apologize,” minjung stuttered, pulling at a loose thread on the bedsheets.

“are you apologizing to make yourself feel better, or is it gonna be a genuine apology? did jaemin put you up to this?”

“i mean- yeah, kind of, but i really do- i do actually wanna apologize for the way i’ve been... talking to you,” minjung kept her head down the whole time she spoke, either too ashamed or uncomfortable to look yongmi in the eye.

after a few beats of silence, yongmi sighed. “i shouldn’t have called you a bitch, that wasn’t justified. i was just frustrated with the way you’d been talking to me, and i hadn’t said anything about it.”

minjung nodded, “i shouldn’t have been acting like a bitch. did you see the article?”

“what article?”

“oh, this one, jaemin sent it to me earlier,” minjung held out her phone and clicked on the article. she could see yongmi’s eyes quickly scan the short article from behind the light that minjung’s phone casted on her glasses.

“did you look at the comments?” yongmi asked quietly after a minute.

minjung shook her head, “i don’t like looking at comments.”

“why not?”

“it’s just what i’ve always been told. people always tell me not to look.”

despite minjung’s words, yongmi scrolled down to the comments anyway, “look here... i think fans are overreacting, if you live in a dorm with someone you see everyday you’re bound to not get along with them 24/7. that’s a good point... i’m sure everything’s fine! okay... min ruins their image for me anyway, and leda doesn’t stand out much, she’s always at the- okay, that one is just plain mean.”

“and that’s why,” minjung said.

“is this why you want to apologize? to get the media off our backs?” yongmi asked, pushing minjung’s phone back in her direction.

“no! i-“ minjung stopped herself when she began to raise her voice, and groaned. “i actually want to apologize and say i’m sorry, why is this so difficult?”

“because you’re not used to apologizing to people,” yongmi replied knowingly, “you never hold yourself accountable.” minjung had almost forgotten how long they’d known each other, and just how much they knew about each other. it sucked, it fucking sucked that they felt like they didn’t know each other anymore despite their closeness just a year prior.

minjung stared down, unmoving, eyes burning holes in the bedsheets, she didn’t want to admit it, but yongmi was right. and to the former’s surprise, yongmi spoke again.

“i just...” the redhead bit her lip, trying her best to not let the tears in her eyes spill pitifully down her cheeks and into her lap, “i just wanna know what happened. between debut and now... why we grew apart so much.”

the shakiness in yongmi’s voice struck a deep chord in minjung’s heart, one that she hadn’t been aware of since she was maybe seventeen, when she and yongmi were young trainees with empty promises of a near debut, without another care in the world. to be honest, she had no clue why the two of them had grown apart. was it jaemin? was he taking up too much of minjung’s time? she shouldn’t be blaming that on him, he had nothing to do with it. for all minjung knew, it could be entirely her fault.

“i wish i knew,” minjung replied quietly as yongmi let a tear slip down her cheek.

she quickly wiped her cheek before laughing nervously, “oh god, i don’t want this to turn into a pity party. i just wanna make sure we’re apologizing for the right reasons.”

minjung paused, “...we? no, i should be the one apologizing-“

“no, i overreacted,” yongmi sighed, “i shouldn’t have called you a bitch, i shouldn’t have talked about your parents like that, and you were right. i need to get over myself and be more assertive.”

“wh-“ minjung stopped, she’d almost forgotten how forgiving yongmi was, too forgiving, definitely, she wouldn’t even let minjung apologize without apologizing herself first- even though minjung had a lot more of a reason to than yongmi did.

“you don’t- don’t apologize for that, that’s something you can’t help. i can help acting like a bitch, i can work on that.”

yongmi stuck out her bottom lip in a sad pout, she looked like a kicked puppy as she tried to argue, “but i wanna apologize-“

“you don’t need to!” minjung stopped herself again so when she realized she was beginning to raise her voice again. she immediately slowed down and her voice softened, “you didn’t do anything wrong, i just want you to know that. can i apologize for myself for once?” she laughed awkwardly in a flimsy attempt to ease the once again growing tension.

“i’ve already accepted your apology, but all i really want, is-” minjung watched helplessly as tears began forming in yongmi’s eyes again as she continued, “i just want things to go back to the way they were before, i guess?”

“i do too,” minjung replied quietly, looking up at yongmi and seeing just the raw sadness behind her eyes. she finally let the tears fall, and minjung watched as tears began to stream down her cheeks, not the same frustrated tears from a few days prior, but tears just filled with complete exhaustion and mourning. mourning for all the minutes spent sweaty and exhaustingly laughing at stupid stories when they had a break from training, the hours spent talking on the grassy hill across the street from the company building, the days spent sneaking out and laughing down the streets of downtown seoul, the nights spent staring up at the sky and mindlessly spilling their biggest desires. yongmi missed it, minjung missed it, they missed the sense of complete comfort associated with those days that felt like decades ago.

it made minjung want to cry too, and although a thin layer of tears brimmed her eyes, she didn’t let them fall. she never cried, she’d only ever cried once in front of her other members, and then another on camera, she hated it, never again, she vowed.

as much as she hated physical affection (unless it was from her boyfriend obviously), minjung felt the overwhelming urge to pull yongmi into a heartfelt hug. the former wrapped her arms tightly around the redhead, letting her silently cry into her shoulder without a word, and they stayed like that. they stayed like that for what felt like an hour but probably wasn’t more than five minutes.