#miltonjones

1. Being from South West London, why did you choose Arsenal to support? 

Arsenal was a funny word, their shirts had a picture of a gun, and they were doing well when I was growing up of course. 

2. Do you ever make it to the games?

Only a few a season. I'm always travelling. 

3. What's your best joke about football? 

Wrote one recently that Spurs are changing their name to Tottenham Pistorious - because they can't believe they've got bale... 

4. Who are your primary comedic influences? 

Blackadder, Cheers, the Simpsons, my kids. 

5. What's worse: Comedians or Football players?

We are as bad as each other. Self obsessed and always saying the same old things. I'm just try to concentrate on the next gig and getting the next three laughs. 

6. How do you feel Arsenal's season is currently going? 

As usual we are consistently inconsistent. The trouble was we got spoiled when the Invincibles were in town. And Arsene is stubborn, very stubborn in the transfer market. Even if he was buying from a donkey he would not back down until the donkey had sold him his young foal with a lot of potential for under its market value. Then he would act surprised when he turned out to be a donkey. 

7. If Arsenal was a comedian, what would be their comedic style?

They would have great material but you would worry every time someone heckled them. They would also keep selling their best jokes to other more famous comedians.   

8. Would you rather Arsenal finished fifth this season, and every season onward until your death, OR would you rather they finished fourth this season but every year that they competed in the Champions league you had to perform exclusively to Spurs fans, who constantly boo you?

Spurs fans booing me would merely be a confirmation that they had no idea what they were talking about. 

Thanks to Milton Jones - please go http://www.miltonjones.com/live to find tours dates and other such interesting stuff. 

Illustration by Alice Devine.