#millys anons

Your chest began to feel tight as you sat on the couch looking at your laptop. You had your e-mail opened working on the same e-mail you’ve been working on all day. Graduation is in 3 months and you still haven't found a job in your field. The longer you dwelled on what if you couldn’t find a job the further your brain strayed away from this e-mail. Rather thinking about how you just wasted thousands of dollars and 4 years and how you would lose your apartment and how if you couldn’t be successful then Felix wouldn’t love you anymore and it all became too much. You pulled your sleeves over your hands, placing your laptop on the coffee table, and putting your hands over your mouth letting out a sob. Your chest contracting and your lungs emptying of all the air. Your body continues to shake as you try to silently sob into your sweater.

Felix comes sliding down the hall,”Hey are ready for bed?” he asks before looking at you. He notices your tears and immediately goes to sit next to you wrapping you in his arms and petting your hair, “Hey hey what’s wrong baby?”

You try to talk, say something but nothing comes out but more choked sobs and shallow breaths.

“Hey, it’s okay,” he grabs your hand and places it on his chest so you can feel his heartbeat and start to re ground yourself “just take a deep breath.”

You look at him as you breath in and out slowly, one of his hands holding yours against his chest and the other trying to wipe your tears away as fast as they’re spilling. You begin to feel better like you can breath but still crying and Felix notices how your chest is rising and falling with ease now.

“What’s wrong baby?” He asks you, keeping your hand on his chest.

You look down at your hand bringing your feet up to tuck under you, “I just am so frustrated with this job hunt and I feel so useless and like the last four years have been for nothing. I got find a job and if i can’t find a job i can’t afford rent and what if,” you get real quite and nearly mumble, “what if you break up with me?”

Felix takes a minute to take in everything you said and notices your chest starting to get heavy again,”Well first things first,” he kisses your cheek, “I would never break up with you over something like that, I love you.Second of all we have three months to find you a Job. I say we go lay down, cuddle and get some sleep and when we wake up tomorrow we come up with a plan on how to tackle this. Together.” He speaks so softly towards you and you’re so grateful for the way he talks to you and treats you.

For the last month and a half you’ve been begging and pleading with Binnie to get matching tattoos, well more corresponding. At every opportunity he never hesitated to shoot you down even after you showed him your birth flower (I got it from this chart) and how pretty it would look on his skin or how pretty a little poppy, his birth flower, would look on the back of your shoulder. He just kept telling you how ridiculous it sounded and that he didn’t want to cause, “What if we do it and you don’t like me anymore.” worry very evident in his eyes.

“Oh Binnie,” you say cupping his chin in your hand “I don’t like you now.” You smiled real big at your joke as he frowned not thinking you were funny at all. “But I’ll always love you Binnie, I promise.” you kissed the tip of his nose.

That was  two weeks ago and he still has said no to you everytime. Slowly you began to give up on the idea, deciding maybe it was better that it stayed in your head, in your imagination alongside tongue piercing Binnie. Some things just weren’t meant to be reality. Because of finally giving up you spent most of the day sulking on the couch thinking of what could have been and how hot Binnie would’ve looked with a piece of you attached to his body.

At that he peeks his head around the corner from the hallway into the living room, “Hey.” he said trying to get your attention. You ignored him. “Hey Y/N.” he says a bit louder.

You turn to look at him glaring a bit, “Do you secretly hate me is that why you won’t get my flower tattooed on you.” you stick your bottom lip out pouting the best you know how.

Binnie just smiles at you, “Would you stop being so dramatic, I love you and you know that. I’m getting ice cream if you wanna go with let's go.”

You hop off the couch, “You’re lucky, ice cream is the only remedy for a broken heart.”

You go to slide your sandals on by the door as he grabs your waist turning you so you’re face to face with him, “Bunny don’t be like that, you’re not heart broken.” he says grabbing hold of your chin.

“I am a little, but it’s fine I’ll get over it.” you said trying to smile feeling bad for having made him feel bad over something so silly.

“You can find something else coupley for us.” He says leaving a soft kiss on your lips.

“Matching tongue piercings?” you nearly screamed.

He looked at you feed up, “I was thinking of a cooking class or shirts.”

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You guys had decided to get ice cream downtown so you could walk up and down and look at all the shops. Binnie was very adamant about going downtown saying he didn’t want to go right back to the house after ice cream so you indulged him. About an hour later you had started to complain that your legs hurt and you wanted to sit down.

“Okay, you can sit down here, I just needed to do something here real quick.” He said opening the door to a shop, you hadn’t caught the name as you were looking down at your phone.

As you enter the shop you hear faint buzzing and look up, Binnie already looking down at you with a shit eating grin on his face.

“Wait, what are we doing?” You asked, not wanting to assume.

“Look, you said you were gunna love me forever and I figured I’m gunna love you forever and you really want this so why not. Plus I like the idea of being able to have a piece of you everywhere I go.”

You could’ve cried. You could’ve bawled but you were in public so you kept it together opting to kiss him gently while whispering I love you. You walk up to the desk and start filling out all the necessary paperwork for your new art and soon enough the artist was taking you both to the back.

“So who’s going first?” The tattooist asked, sliding on her black glove.

Binnie saw the panic flash in your eyes so without hesitation he took a seat and removed his shirt. You sat across from him jumping when the needle started humming. Binnie flinched a little when the needle first touched his skin but after that he sat pretty still. You tried to calm your nerves, this is what you’ve literally been begging for. Why are you so nervous?

In no time Binnies was complete and he was standing looking at it in the mirror trying to angle the hand mirror just right. You stood up to stand next to him, you fell absolutely in love with it resisting the urge to reach out and touch it.

He made eye contact with you through the mirrors, “It’s your turn bunny.”

You took a deep breath and sat in the chair removing your jean jacket, thankful you wore a tank top so you wouldn’t have to remove your shirt. You stuck out your hand for Binnie to hold, “I’m a little scared please.” you said with pleading eyes.

He dragged his chair closer to you lacing his fingers with yours, “You got this, I believe in you.” he smiled at you.

The buzzing of the needle started and it hurt a bit but nothing like you thought it would and it felt like 2 minutes before she told you she was finished. You ran to the mirror looking at it in awe. The little poppy sat on your shoulder blade just beautifully. Changbin walked up and put his shoulder next to yours so they were side by side.

The tattooist asked if you wanted her to take a picture of it and Binnie handed over his phone, you guys intertwined your fingers and just stared at each other in awe of one another and just absolutely in love.