El día en que me pidan matrimonio anhelo que sea algo maravilloso, un día especial y muy hermoso. Pero bueno, he aprendido que no es tan bueno crear tantas expectativas, comparar ni desear algo tan específico. Creo que no deberíamos esperar demasiado de algo que siendo tan sencillo puede lograr serlo todo.

Cuando te piden matrimonio, me han contado...

Y he visto en películas, es algo que les pone muy de nervios, no saben que es lo que sigue ahora, la mayoría de las veces no lo esperan, son grandes sorpresas, ya que cambiará sus vidas y deben estar 100% seguros y seguras de querer estar con su pareja, saber si es realmente el elegido o la elegida. Pero, ¿Qué hay a cerca de lo ya hablado?. Actualmente la mayoría de las parejas que están en la transición de novios a prometidos, ya habla con antelación esta importante decisión, se ponen de acuerdo a cerca de su futuro, hablan de como les gustaría que fuera su boda o si realmente se quieren casar. Nuestra generación, los famosos y un poco odiados Millennials se preocupa mucho por los cambios y por ser conscientes con las acciones fuertes que harán. Antes (y hablo de nuestros abuelos) era más común que tomaran esa “decisión” por lo que la sociedad, papás, incluso sacerdotes les pedían que hicieran. Por ejemplo.

Conozco varias historias de abuelos de amigos que se “robaban” a sus ahora esposas o las que fueron sus esposas y los papás de ellas estaban de acuerdo con algo a cambio, y ya casados, con todo el ritual del que hablaremos más adelante pues lo único que les quedaba era acostumbrarse a vivir, tener hijos, convivir y, acostumbrarse ya que la mayoría nunca lograba ser felices. El matrimonio era más como algo que tenía que hacerse porque así debía ser.

Hoy en día tenemos la dicha de ser libres en muchos aspectos que conocemos, y uno de ellos es la maravillosa decisión de casarnos o no, de decidir con quién queremos estar toda nuestra vida o simplemente si queremos estar con una sola persona toda la vida. Aún es mal visto claro, pero por nuestros abuelos/as, tíos/as de mayor edad pero como sabemos, fueron educados así y era otra época. Lo único muy difícil que ahora tenemos que decidir es decir sí o no, al para mí maravilloso “Te quieres casar conmigo?”.

Y ser real y plenamente felices, sin presiones, sin nadie que nos diga que hacer. Gracias a que muchos de nuestros antecesores se rebelaron por buscar su felicidad, se lo debemos, (Gracias tío José por casarte con quién realmente amabas!), más adelante les contaré esa maravillosa historia porque mi abuelita era un mar de lagrimas en aquella boda ya que no quería que mi tío se casara con esa “mujer tan fiestera” ja!.  

Sé también que actualmente hay presiones en familias de amigos y amigas que conozco, digo, no se las van a robar porque thank’s God eso ahora es un delito, pero sí las presionan con casarse con la persona que la familia cree que es mejor que se pueden casar, por conveniencia, sociedades y cosas a mi parecer horribles que hacen obligar a las personas a ser parejas sin felicidad. A todos y todas estas personas REBÉLENSE! FUCK UR PERFECT FAMILY que ni existe... ¡SE FELÍZ!.

Y bueno, a las personas que tienen la dicha de que ya les llegó el día tan esperado (porque muchos y muchas esperamos con demasiadas ansias ese día, sí si hay gente que aun nos queremos casar y es un sueño) ¡FELICIDADES! sean los más felices, luchen por los sueños compartidos con su pareja, tengan la boda más hermosa del mundo, sean los y las novias más hermosos y maravillosos! y sigan leyendo mi blog, quizá se sientan identificados con muchas cosas o quizá les sirva de mucho lo que hablaré en los post siguientes. No crean que todo el tiempo les estaré diciendo qué hacer o como ser felices, según yo jaja!.

A penas, hablaba con una de mis mejores amigas a cerca de que una conocida estaba exigiendo el anillo de compromiso a su novio, le urge casarse! y mi amiga solo le dijo “Para qué te quieres meter en un problema como casarte a esta edad?” (tenemos 25) claro que yo me indigne siendo una fiel amante de las bodas diciendo algo como NO ES UN PROBLEMA CASARSE QUE TE PASAAA?! sin embargo tampoco siento que sea algo que se debe apresurar o presionar para que suceda, [Keep calm]

Pero estoy consciente de qué, por lo ya hablado de generaciones y formas de pensar, cambios en la sociedad y todas las cosas horribles que están pasando en el mundo sería un paso arriesgado ahora. Sin embargo no lo considero un problema, o bueno, no lo es para todos. Quien lo quiere hacer realmente, lo hará así se esté acabando el mundo (porque casi que sí se esta acabando) y tampoco considero el dinero, lugar, e invitados de la boda un problema, todo es cuestión de acomodarse, ver el lado positivo y las ganas ante todo. 💕✨

Victoria.

Scarypoolparty - Millennial Love 

An intimate description of millennial love. 

You randomly strolled into my life disguised as any regular guy on those useless dating apps. I thought you’d be just as uninteresting as every other guy I was talking to, and randomly ghosting. We started texting at 11 pm, and I was yawning to the fact that I was definitely going to leave you on read and become a passing cloud in your life by 11.07 pm. We made a little bit of small talk, fair. You asked me about me, and I told you a tad bit, fair. You asked me more, I told you a little more, fair. It’s like I was unscrewing the tap bit by bit, so that not I don’t let out more than required. Why, you ask me and I say that whenever I’ve let a lot of my plight flow, most of my past ships have drowned into it, washing me away to a shore, only to look for a better, stronger ship. Little did they know, that even the most herculean vessels haven’t been able to conquer ferocious tides when they come all at once. As I progress with my story, I stop typing, only to reckon that it’s been sixty whole minutes, and I haven’t lost interest. We ended up talking into the am. You keep reminding me of how different I am, and how you can’t wait to see me. It was that dawn, after many, that I went to bed with my lips curled into the realest smile I’d produced since I’d gotten my heart shattered.

A couple days in and you ask me whether it’s too soon for us to begin a relationship. I think of how beautiful some things are, when done in a haste, just because they feel right. I give in to your vibe and the fact that I’d longed, craved, and prayed for something this pure, and agree to being with you. We gradually learn things about each other, like how messy you are, and how I am the opposite. How you dislike being held while sleeping, or the other way around, and I’m the other pole again. You didn’t realise how that had changed every time you rested your head on my chest, held me close, and fell asleep like you’ve never felt this serene before. With each passing day, I kept falling harder, hoping to hit no ground. We’ve both been fragile and dysfunctional when it came to certain subjects, like you leaving this city, where we started. I tell you how I fail at love when it comes to a thousand miles of ground between two people. We both shed a tear, I hold you and we assure each other to find a solution. We steer clear from this discussion any time it incidentally comes up. Because yes, it’s painfully difficult. And because we still don’t have a way out of this maze. I tell you about my last love, everything about how beautiful it was while it lasted, and the sorrow, hurt, and anger that followed when it ended. I also tell you that I’ve been incapable of love, but a few weeks in and you make me realise that there was ample of love left in me, and it was just locked away in this dungeon that I didn’t know existed. With you, I felt wanted after a long time. Because of the way you look at me, and still don’t look away when I catch you. It’s your expressions every time I get dressed for an occasion, like it’s the first time you’re seeing me. It’s the way you hold me every time we meet, the way your eyes light up every time I genuinely smile, and I could go on and on.

I give you a disclaimer about my personality. About how I am more practical than emotional. About how I prioritize the brain over the heart. You tell me that’s completely alright, to maintain an equilibrium between the head and the emotions. Its crazy how you went along with however I was.

Not been the longest time, but this ship hit a real bad spot pretty quick. We came down to stage where we didn’t want to touch, hear or see each other, and that was a hard pill to swallow. We both messed up, hurt each other, said things, did things we never thought we would. It honestly felt like rock bottom, and I couldn’t stand it. We decided we needed space. That space turned into a void we knew we didn’t want to get vacuumed into, and that’s when we filled it, regardless of how bad it’d gotten, because we didn’t want to let go. We don’t care if we rushed into it. It still feels like the first day, the first time we touched, the first time he saw me cry, the first time we fought. But every time we went down, we came back up and I think that’s all that has mattered to me. He’s been my anchor, holding me steady and that’s all I want. I’ve held him in vulnerable times and it’s always been a two-way street. It may not always be fifty-fifty but that’s when you realise your worth, and I’ve known mine for four months now.

People when they see us together, that we’re an ideal millennial relationship and how they wish they could have the same. They think we’re perfect, they think we’re driving through a lustrous, and consistent road. What they fail to comprehend is, it’s the imperfections, the flaws, and the scars that we’re in love with, and that being in love isn’t a joyride, because us, together, we hit numerous obstacles on the way, but we learn how to conquer them, and we go together. We grow together. Some folks question our supposed perfection, because they think we rushed into us, and that its paradoxical for us to still be together, a few months down. I say, people, or even relationships for that matter, aren’t perfect. No one attains perfection, it’s the things you do to build moments that come close to perfection. It’s the feeling where you have no clue as to how long you have them right beside you, so you move mountains, or even pebbles, to make every second of it beautiful.

You mesmerize the person, you do everything in your power in order to keep them gratified. And when it takes an ugly turn, you make sure to steer in the right direction towards the road where there’s a sign that lets them know that you don’t want to let them go.

I always pick up the phone when I see your name run across it. I always respond to your text messages, Facebook messages, if you tag me on Instagram or Facebook, hell when you send me something on Snapchat I open and I respond.

I can’t say the same about you. It’s fake as fuck to be honest and continues to show me how one sided this fake ass friendship is. Nah, we ain’t best friends, cuz best friends don’t constantly expect me to be there at every instance while you can’t even pick up the fucking phone.

In the area of smartphone technology the no responses are done purposeful. Mfs keep their phones on them. Mfs can’t take a shit and wipe their ass right without their cell phone. Cell phones are the new magizine. So, yes mfs see your text message, phone calls, and when you pop up in their notifications.

    I went on  a hunt for this answer to my question. Is Love dead for Millennials, in the age of cyber dating? Is it harder for us to make lasting established relationships, than for our parents and grandparents? Webster’s Dictionary defines Love as “strong affection, warm attachment, attraction based on sexual desire, unselfish loyal, and benevolent concern for others.” Tina Turner said, “What’s Love got to do with it! What’s love but a second hand emotion!”

I have to admit that in the beginning of my search I was probably the most pessimistic person when it came to the ideals of love and it’s existence in 2015. I used to think I was the Ice Queen when it came to relationships, cold blooded even, but the truth is that I was only trying to protect myself from the foolishness and heartbreak that is out there. You will see what developed over the course of several weeks. 

    I interviewed seven individuals, whom will remain anonymous, to protect their identities. They will only to referred to as letters. I randomly chose three males and four females. I asked each one the same questions then recorded their responses. Their own life experiences are reflected in their quotes. The selected quotes do not speak for an entire generation, are just a sample of what some Millennials think on Love, which is extremely powerful!!

          Is Love Dead for Millennials in the age of cyber dating? Is it harder to make lasting connections than for our grandparents and parents? Do we just have to work harder?

Ms. W.-  “Yes. Yes, (it’s) so much harder now a days, (we have) such a huge disadvantage.”

Mr. S.-  “There’s certainly not any miscommunication with love. It stays the same for everyone. We still have feeling for people even though it may not seem like it.”

Ms. Q. “Love is an illusion- it no longer exist, not really- at least nothing that last…not anymore. Sad but true. I mean all  this ability to instantly connect with people, Facebook, Twitter, texting- makes relationships hard because it is so easy to start relying on one other than yourself for emotional support. 

Once you look elsewhere for that support the relationship suffers. Older generations had to talk with one another, they didn’t have the ability to text their troubles to someone else while sitting next to the person they should be communicating with…”

Mr. O.- “ I don’t believe there are too many differences in say the baby boom to current generation. The main two differences  are the Internet and the current generations institutions. Internet dating is a huge difference because (an) individual could connect with more people  and vast different mitigating the initial interaction and acceleration of obtaining small information on people. Also losing the face to face interaction and vast abundance of other mates force an individual to take the aspect almost more of a game or sweepstakes. It is difficult to establish a bond with someone without much vested interested.

I strongly believe people have to experience a degree of failure to understand true success that’s in all parts of life. Those experiences help find your soulmate, how to handle tough situations, and know how much you bend before you break.” 

Ms. V.- “I think we have more of an ability to opt out. Our grandparents especially married and stayed married. They only dated long enough to to know someone and tied the knot. That was that, whether they were in love or not, or in an abusive relationship or not. Now we can be picky, date around, leave relationships, or bad situations. There’s not as much pressure to date to marry, or to marry, or to stay married.”

Mr. C.- “Love is not dead…Love isn’t the unconditional actions of our grandparents and parents have been brought up around. The foundation of it now is very jaded by the media and reality TV. There was a time where love meant every fiber of the word. People of the NOW generation have made it into a classification of what can you offer me that make us compatible. What can the other offer, how much money do you make, it’s like an application for a job sort to speak.

Though it takes away from the old fashion getting out and meeting people and conversation to potentially finding the “right” person…because a lot of men feel as though women want a finished product. (They) Don’t want a work in progress. Men see women as being selfish and not knowing that the same guy she has no interest in is probably the type of man she has been searching for her whole life if not a long time. From that stand point it appears dead but it’s an equal parts to both sides of the coin.”  

Ms. T.- “I personally do not believe love it is dead for millennials. I met my boyfriend on an online dating site and we are still going strong after eight months.  We have a long distance relationship, which is harder, but he is worth it! I do think it is harder to make lasting relationships as compared to my grandparents. And every relationship takes a lot work, but now it does seem  like it is a full time job to keep a relationship strong. There are so many things to get in the way of keeping a relationship strong, you have to be truly ready for it to make it work for any situation.” 

        The truth of the matter is that romantic relationships are like any other relationship and they require work. If the person you are in the relationship with isn’t willing to put in the same amount of work as you are, then you must get out, and save yourself.

     There are many Millennials however, whom have found true love, and it is lasting love. They have worked on their relationships and know what is going to take to keep their love strong through the test of time. 

Know for yourself what you want when you jump in looking for love…

Peace, love, and tranquility,