#milgram jp

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Honestly, all Haruka wants to do is be with you. Just spending time with you, anyway shape or form is pure heaven for him. Even if you two are doing two different things at home, he takes it as a romantic date night. The type of hug you out of nowhere when you're just doing chores together

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

Haruka admires, quite literally, everything about his significant other. Absolutely flawless! Never done anything wrong in their life <3 I suppose what he admires the most is all the attention they pay him + their kindness. For someone as worthless as him to receive even the slightest bit of love from someone as holy as you….let the man revere you—PLEASE!

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Haruka never had anyone comfort him when he was upset, but he tries his damn best to take care of you in return! The boy is hyperempathetic, so he may start crying/panicking with you. He's a bit clumsy, but he struggles his way towards pulling you on his lap, cuddling you, and asking if you need anything. Some water? Your favorite movie? Wanna cuddle his stuffed bunny? Games? A blanket? Or just cuddling him? Ask, and you shall receive!

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

When Haruka loves someone, he loves them with everything he has. Such a loyal lover too. If I said he didn't imagine this relationship lasting forever, even when death do you part, filled with affection, simple days, and spoiling each other, I'd be lying

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Haruka is more passive, so you'll have to take the reigns in the relationship in the beginning. Even when he starts gaining more confidence, he still lets you lead the relationship. But it doesn't hurt to ask him what he wants. He might just sob tears of happiness

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Haruka hates fighting with you! Though, this may disappoint you, but he may have throw a tantrum/have a meltdown if the fights escalates far enough where you take your frustration out on him. Fortunately, as long as you handle it gently, Haruka is usually very calm. Either way, he always the first one to apologize and, at the end of the day, asks if there's anything he can do to make it up. You're never wrong in his eyes!

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Oh jeez, this sweet sweet boy is SO badly down for you! EXTREMELY grateful, he worships you! Blows the dust off of every inch of you! He is honestly aware of what you do for him, and he wants to do everything he can to spoil you back tenfold!

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

There's honestly nothing Haruka won't tell you! Well.....his past is a bit of a touchy topic, so maybe not that. He'd much rather listen to you anyways! He may open up if you ask + the relationship is deep enough, but be ready to comfort him as he shakily recalls the horrid memories

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

Haruka noticeably got more sociable and cheerful ever since he started dating you! He really is at his happiest when you two became official. He also tries to seem like this strong, smart, and interesting person he wants you to admire. You can see a huge improvement down the line when he tries to perform acts of service to please you

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Haruka gets jealous easily, but already feels as if he doesn’t deserve to date you. Still, a naturally selfish part of him doesn’t want to lose you, so it’s a bit noticeable. He just kinda….goes glum and sulks. Only if you ask him what’s wrong will he admit he was jealous. Assure him you love him, please!! He takes payment in hugs + kisses!

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Awkward…..Haruka was afraid of not doing lip kisses right, so he always kissed your cheek + hand. Your first kiss on the mouth….your foreheads + teeth kinda hit each others ;-; Cue Haruka apologizing a billion times….he gets better, and honestly? His inexperience, but passion, is somewhat charming. Oh! And he always smears a shit ton of chapstick on his lips + downs so many breath mints before kissing you!

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

Surprisingly enough, Haruka was indeed the one to confess. Though, it was more like an outburst rather than a proper confession. With the help of Muu and Mahiru, he wrote down his feelings on paper, helped decorate it, and handed it to you. The anxiety of having you read it killed him, so he just blurted out his feelings, only to blush furiously and apologize for ruining it (he did NOT, he screamed spoke from the heart, his words were adorable!)

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Hand in marriage? Yes yes please!! Haruka absolutely wants to live a normal life with you, which includes settling down and marriage. Though, he is definitely way too shy to pop the question, despite being the one to initiate it. He’s turning to his friends for help with this one!

I’d find it so cute to imagine the date going so well, only for Haruka to drop the ring and his partner finds and picks it up. He’ll be, of course, apologizing like a madman for ruining the proposal, before rambling out what he wanted to say before asking for your hand

The wedding is pretty small and simple. Nothing extravagant, but your wedding planner (Mahiru), tried to make it as romantic as possible while also taking into account Haruka’s comfort zone. All of your close friends + family (Haruka still hesitantly invited his parents, even though they didn’t come ;-;). Really liked all the attention of everyone congratulating you two post ceremony, but he does feel tired at the end of it all. Honestly, he just wanted to go home and cuddle with you after the event. Will take you on a trip for a couple of weeks months wherever your heart desires <3

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

Haruka canonically believes in god, so he firmly, genuinely believes you’re one of god’s holiest angels that was sent down to take care of him. And in return, he’ll protect and worship you. Definitely a big “angel” guy, but also uses “beloved” frequently

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Don't boo at me, you know I'm right Haruka absolutely screams hopeless romantic to me. He's basically a mini Mahiru when he's in love, it's pretty obvious to everyone but Haruka when he develops a crush. He can still function normally (or as normal as Haruka Sakurai can be) when he's with other friends, but you can tell the man is absolutely whipped for you <3 The type to bring you up somehow in any conversation topic, tbh

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

At first, Haruka is very shy giving you affection. He follows you around + praises you a lot, but you're usually the one giving affection at first. However, he slowly begins to ask you if he can give you hugs and kisses a couple of weeks into dating. Soon, a shy hug will turn into a tight, rib-crushing hug that lasts for several minutes. When Haruka gets comfortable, he can't keep his hands off of you!

Big fan of PDA after a few months of dating. Physical touch becomes a huge love language of his and he would never pass up an opportunity to cuddle you. Of course, he always asks you permission and apologizes if his hugs are too tight. He simply doesn't want to let go and lose you <3

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship

Literally one of the most loyal partners you can have! Behind Mahiru and Shidou, you will never ever have to worry about Haruka cheating on + breaking up with you! Someone's very directly asking him out? He's getting flustered, but stuttering out a no, telling them he's already in a committed relationship! He may have a hard time identifying social cues, but you can always trust he's straight up denying anyone who's trying to steal him from you!

Not only that, but his loyalty also comes w/ a boyfriend that'll always take your side + has your back! You're being bullied? Haruka is very firmly telling them not to scare you anymore (he's ready to use his strength if they don't stop)

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Haruka is very inexperienced with romance, but his earnestness + research compensates for it! From the fairytale books he read as a kid, to searching up what to do online, to asking Mahiru and Muu for advice, this sweet boy is going to treat you so well! Because of his sources, his idea of romance is rather cliche, but that's what makes him oh so adorable. Carrying your bag, massaging your back after school/work, buying you dessert from your favorite cafe, etc.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Haruka is very supportive of his SO! He believes in you and is ready to help you achieve anything your heart desires. There obviously may be a limit as to what he can do, but just tell him anything, and he'll do his best to grant your wishes <3

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Haruka prefers a certain routine, no need to do anything big or fancy. As said before, he just wants to spend time with you, that's all! But it wouldn't hurt to surprise him once in a while with something nice :)

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Again, Haruka is hyper empathetic so he's very in tune with his partner's emotions. If you're crying, Haruka is sobbing too. But that also means your happiness = his happiness. Down the line, he honestly begins to know his partner better than they know themselves! The boy is eager to learn all about you <3

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Let's be honest: This relationship is Haruka's number one priority. The man is ready to lay down his life for you if you wanted....deadass

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

Since you've basically became the most important person in Haruka's life + take such good care of him, he clips his mother's necklace on you after the relationship got serious. It's basically means you two are engaged to be engaged in his heart <3

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

I believe it's been established that the guy is basically your own personal koala that refuses to let go of you. HUGE FREAKING YES on kissing and cuddling you. Very shy and tame at first, but you can tell there's passion and love in every single cuddle! Just....tell him if his hugs are too tight. If you let him get too carried away, your bones may crack if he doesn't pull away ;-;

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Haruka can still talk to his other friends just fine, but since you're his first priority, he does want to see you at the end of the day. If you're away on a trip without him, the dude is basically going through drug withdrawal. Not only is he blowing up your phone 25/8, but Muu and Fuuta may just call you themselves, saying that all Haruka can talk about is you and beg you to come back so they can be FREE! (if you don't, Muu will buy Haruka a plane ticket to wherever you are, just so he can stop yapping about how much he can't wait for you to come back)

When he sees you, he's accidentally tackling you to the floor with a hug. Honestly, just come home early. He'll be waiting at the airport with a welcome back teddy bear and a gift <3

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

So….SO many thoughts. So many heart breaking thoughts about my poor, sweet psychotic boy….

First off, love the detail of him discarding Muu’s hairpins and the shoes she gave him. The lovely @.archivalofsins has already pointed this detail out, but I feel like it really holds more water than what ppl give it credit for. Muu coming in and asking Haruka why he’s not eating since he’ll die that way….now, Ik some Muu fans spin the record of her “just being a mentally ill teenager that’s suicidal herself” and LOOK—I get it. But c’mon….

Girlie, you know EXACTLY why. Even if you didn’t believe what he told you before, he still told you that he would off himself if you were guilty. Now, lots of ppl say that Muu was fully, genuinely expecting another innocent vote due to her black and white thinking. But it doesn’t change the fact that she’s seeing the person who made the threat to kill himself…..slowly killing himself

And she’s asking “why”

GIF by shewrlak

Also, was it just me, or did Muu not even sound that concern in the audio?

Seriously, does Haruka represent people that actually follow through with suicide attempts, when no one takes them seriously?!

But that also raises the question, why is Haruka telling Muu what she supposedly already knew? My guess is the timing is a bit off, and it shows. With Muu’s bday timeline with Kotoko, the second trial is over and they most likely didn’t know their verdicts at the time. So I highly doubt Haruka even knew about Muu actually getting a guilty vote. Yeah, the restraints being active would’ve been the sign, but we see no restraints on either of them. Was this before the restraints were placed, but somewhere after the T2? If so

1) How does Haruka knows Muu verdict when Muu and Kotoko don’t?

2) Starvation takes 3-4 weeks until the organs shut down. How much leeway time did the guilty prisoners have before they got restrained?

My guess? Haruka was planning to die all along

^His original ideas were rejected. I use to think this was referring to Haruka having another surefire method of killing himself, but after seeing it again, I change my mind. Jackalope was simply referring to the freedom of thought the guilty prisoners were denied. He *could* be referencing yes, Haruka indeed, had another method of suicide due to him bringing up the physical restraints. Therefore he resorted to starvation^

But did Haruka really have an original idea? He’s clearly not restrained in the video. Ik it’s a barren room, but surely there’s other ways you could’ve taken your life that didn’t have to be as brutal as starvation. Heck, dehydration was on the table! It’d also cruel, but at least it’s a matter of DAYS not WEEKS

Once again, Haruka was planning to die all along

Was it really for Muu though? Mr. “I discarded Muu-san’s hairpins and the shoes she gave me, and instead clutched onto the necklace of my real mother”. Tell me it’s not a coincidence that when Haruka cried for his mother as his final breath, his mother’s necklace weakly being in his hand was shown

The same blog + a few Reddit posts mentioned this was Haruka coming to terms with him realizing who’s attention he yearned for all along, and that he didn’t necessarily need Muu, he needed *mom*. While that’s *partially* how I feel, I would also like to add this cherry on top of the sundae

In Jackalope’s words: “It was that important to him to be useful to that little princess of his”

Haruka wanted to be useful to her—someone—ANYONE! He wanted to help someone. He wanted to be useful to the very end and feel as if he did good for someone, even if it costed his own life.

While I will say Haruka did care abt Muu, what he really cared abt was being useful

“Ever since I was born, I’ve only ever been good at bringing misfortune to others”

“Do you have a greatest wish?”

I want to live normally

Haruka doesn’t want to feel like he’s only good for being a “bad person” (aka, killing things weaker than him, since it makes him feel better). He wants to do desperately be a good person, and it shows in milgram. Even in his second VD after his meltdown, he meekly apologized to Es. It really goes to show he really—really—wants to be this “smart, strong and interesting person” he yearns to be. He tries to hard despite his impulses, his flaws, his mentality, and past. He’s riddled with guilt, shame, and since his first fucking VD, he has literally told Es he’s a selfish murder and he’s bound to be abandoned

Haruka feels utter remorse and doesn’t want to keep killing. But he feels as if he’s not good at anything else (Hello??? Mr. “I can kill anything smaller than me!!!”???)

Can I just talk about how fucked up this video is? Like, I can swallow dark, edgy medias pretty well, but OMFG, THIS?! Perhaps it’s cause Haruka was my kamioshi + comfort character for over a year, perhaps it’s cause I was an ed survivor myself, but MY FUCKING GOD! His spine being visible, his fingernails looking horrendous, his prison uniform visibly baggy and obviously too big for him, the indents on his cheeks, his frail wrists and ankles being reduced to bone, his lifeless eyes……I don’t even want to show that, cause that is fucking haunting. It’s actually traumatizing to see. Love or hate Haruka, you have to admit—that’s such a cruel way to die. Especially being conscious and committed to it. All for the sake of thinking you’re doing someone good…..

“I’m so happy”

And Haruka thinks *that’s* happiness

What does Muu do?

*cue her collapsing to the floor*

Me: Oh wow, are we going to see the same horrified look on her face and watch her mourn/cry over Haruka? Like she did with Rei in AP—

Me:………….…..Nevermind. I forgot….her saying “you knew what would happen” was her thing

And people wonder why I have such a hard time seeing Muu mourn Haruka as a person + treat it as a “you never appreciate what you have until it’s gone”. Cause

1) *YOU* knew what he promised you

2) *YOU* had weeks to do something if you knew he wasn’t eating the food *YOU* brought (and no, she wasn’t restrained, so she could’ve done more than just simply say “please eat”)

3) *YOU* had people that reached out with worries, and still could’ve said “actually, I’m worried about Haruka-kun~. He looks ill”

I’m not trying to rip on Muu and say she’s evil (cause she’s really not. I don’t feel comfortable calling a mentally ill teenage girl evil), but it’s just such a horrible, awful view to have cause “Muu just let friends do what they want!” and caused her npd fuel to die. No, she didn’t murder him. I doubt milgram would even consider this a murder. But it’s just so terrible seeing your friend slowly die, knowing you have the power to do something, but you choose *nothing*

Now, some people will argue that Haruka was dead set on killing himself. Even if Muu tried to talk him out of it, he still wouldn’t budge. While I do believe Haruka did plan this from the beginning, it would still speak volumes abt Muu’s character if she at least tried. It’s not even about if Muu succeeded in talking Haruka out of it. It’s about seeing Muu try to help, or at least, mourn him as a person. Yuno and Kazui are peak examples of experiencing misery and despair seeing someone you truly care about die in front of you

Haruka’s crimes

Now, let’s talk abt Haruka’s crime finally being canonically revealed

Now first, I wanna clear up that Haruka may have not intentionally lied abt his age, more or less, he just genuinely is unsure

“I’m 17….i think….i don’t really have an interest in my age….sorry”

When Mahiru asked him for his star sign in one timeline, he wasn’t even sure of his birthday. My guess is that he sincerely had no idea + care about his age from the trauma + isolation he endured, therefore just picked 17 since he doesn’t feel like an adult, but clearly doesn’t look/can't pass for fucking Amane’s age. So did he lie? Unintentionally, imho. The dude really doesn’t seem to know himself, and him being “stuck in a childlike state” at times (which is not uncommon for trauma victims, to be “frozen” at an age) eggs on this theory

Now, looks like I was wrong with his disability. I thought it was intellectual, turns out it was developmental. And, I was also wrong in thinking he never attended school. He did, he just didn’t get the proper help and his parents didn’t allow him to receive special education due to “OvErPrOtEcTiVeNeSs”. Now Japan isn’t know for being the most sympathetic towards mental illness, and honestly? Haruka was taking a huge L for all of his life. His parents, school, his neighbors, the police, and now milgram

When Haruka grew older and the gap between him and his classmates started to become more noticeable, his *ahem* sorry “overprotective” parents became distant. Now….im not sure if lots of ppl out there understand how much neglect fucks a child up. Especially when you were once smothered by love and protectiveness from mommy and daddy all for it to be suddenly stripped away from you and be replaced with “you’re a stupid, idiot child”. Yeah, a child, especially with an untreated mental illness, is definitely gonna wonder what happened. Kids act up when they’re not getting attention. No wonder Haruka started to cause problems (e.g. in his VD, he admitted to stealing valuables from his mom) that quickly escalated to murderers…..

Lots of people think the animal killings was him being “a serial killer” in the making, but this is also the same dude that admitted he wouldn’t have killed if he was in milgram. To me, it was truly the result of a lack of support and care during a time when he needed it the most. In weakness, when Haruka looked horrified at his hands during the dog scene, not to mention, he looked happy playing with the dog before it ran off. Now, people are saying that kid!Haruka in weakness represents the life Haruka wanted and yearned for (like instead of killing the girl, his kid!self was happily playing w/ her). It really does tell me Haruka truly felt remorse for killing the girl (which the report flat out confirmed) and even the animals. It was never out of hatred or sadism, just that he truly couldn’t stop during times he felt inferior + a failure

So killing animals was basically a coping mechanism for him…..okay, sure

I will admit, it was a bit of a shock that he did escalate from killing stray dogs + cats to other people’s pets and had a “strong emotional reaction” hearing their screams. I first (unfortunately) thought he caused other people such despair just so he could feel as if he had some part in their lives/feel like he made some sort of impact. But then I re read “deep emotional reaction” again, and thought “hey, that’s pretty vague sounding. I wonder why they didn’t just tell us the emotion he felt when he heard people scream”. It could be milgram being milgram and wanting to stir up more questions than answers in the fandom, but to me, it’s also leeway into believing he felt despair and pain himself. The same despair and pain he caused the pet owner

“For the very first time that he is indeed connected to the world”

I admit, I also didn’t really understand what they meant by “connected to the world”, until I kept thinking “Does Haruka feel the same emotions that the pet owners did?”. Let’s not forget, this is the same dude that was confirmed to have remorseful for the girl, saw his dream child self happily playing with the dog, and even owns a fucking rabbit plushie. It’s not so much of a hatred for animals, just fear of what he can do them (identical to why he was uneasy with Amane at first, until he gained confidence in the second trial)

My take? “Connected to the world”=he got to experience the same deep, emotional connection that the pet owners did when he killed the animals

Now this is sad. It truly reflect just how deprived Haruka was for attention that he takes being harshly interrogated by the police as a good thing. Same dude that said “So what if she’s using me? Isn’t it a good thing to be used?” and enjoyed it when Es choked him cause his attention was on him. I don’t think Haruka necessarily wanted to be caught so someone could pay attention to him, rather when they refer to “unsophisticated crimes”, Haruka was sloppy with it. But I don’t think the police had any idea they only lowkey encouraged this behavior. Not even the police, his parents when they came to get him, and him alone. Dude was so happy, he fucking fainted out of overwhelming joy

I’m 100% convinced the room in AKAA, what I originally thought was a mental hospital room, is now the interrogation room. When Haruka was standing on the chair, showing his mom the destruction he caused, he was so happy that we saw his work, therefore finally paid him a look

Again, the police and now his parents, had no idea they were planting the idea that killing = what Haruka is good for

For a summarized timeline of my take:

At first, Haruka killed insects + stray animals as a “coping mechanism” to feel stronger than something. Then he escalated to people’s pets, and hearing their screams made him feel connected on a deep, emotional level with them. For the first time, he felt as if he was apart of their lives due to the shared misery. That, along with attention from the police and finally his own parents only encouraged him to keep going, and later....take a human's life

*sighssssss* And finally, we reach Haruka strangling the girl we saw in weakness and at the end of AKAA. The girl he canonically wept over and repented, that haunted him night after night as he cried his heart out over what he did

"You praise me for saying I'm crazy, thank you I do my best. How many times do I have to do this so I can be human?"

"My life started in a wrong spot"

"Don't me alone, why was I born like this?"

"Why did I end up like this?"

Needless to say, aside from the obvious remorse, this was an attack out of insanity/in the heat of the moment

"When he comes to, he was strangling the neck of a second child"

But we've only ever seen the girl with the braid from weakness/the end of akaa. Who could possible be the second chi--

O-Oh.......

OH--!!

"He thinks about the future of the child he murdered, and claws at his chest"

"When he comes to, he was strangling the neck of a second child"

"....claws at his chest..."

Doesn't it ring any bells + seem kinda.....odd that they included Haruka clawed at his own chest before saying he strangled the neck of a second child?

Now, knowing Haruka's real age when he started MILGRAM was 22 (23 when he was incarcerated), it seems a bit weird to call himself 'the second child'. It also seems weird to refer to himself as 'the second child', but keep in mind, the report is still vague, just giving us the canon summary of what happened, still leaving out details and there, only bringing more questions that come with answers. Just like how it's not so far fetched there was actually a second child (even though we only saw one), it's also not so far fetched to believe the second child is him. Especially if he felt guilty when he finally realized what he did. Especially when, in his VD, he only made references to *one* kid

Especially when we clearly see him strangling Kid!Haruka

Would I forgive Haruka after hearing his crimes?

I love Haruka to death, but I honestly would have no idea myself. While Haruka experiences extreme remorse for what he did, the off chance he *didn't* kill himself as punishment, the report implies he is very capable to relapse. Especially because the brother sister theory/a childhood friend theory was debunked. This was just a random ass kid that he was apparently jealous of. Not to mention, he was indirectly encouraged to keep killing animals

ON the other hand, I still blame his parents for making him into the hazard to society he became. Especially when he's clearly not happy with himself and thought being this horrible person was the thing he was good at. He clearly never wanted to be a serial killer, but can't help himself during extreme times of hopelessness. Which is why in MILGRAM, he doesn't feel the need to fucking murder anyone/was good with Amane (and possibly would've gotten over his fear of animals too!). He doesn't feel hopeless there! He's getting love. He's getting attention--positive attention! He's seen as useful and people *need* him

If someone is 'majorly' innocent after Milgram,and all that happens is that they return to their lives outside, then I'm sorry. But big no from me. Haruka would just return to his horrible home life--the home life that started his killings. He had nothing good waiting for him in his life back, and I definitely don't want him to suffer after he just went through judgement hell. Of course I also didn't want him to die, but.....

He does look happy in the afterlife.....

Milgram was always going to end in disaster no matter what. It was just inevitable with the way it was designed/literally having a creator that is known for making angsty endings. You are very welcome to still adore Haruka as a character, but also acknowledge that he is, indeed, a murderer. A murderer that killed people's pets/at least one kid for a selfish reason. Yes, he feels remorse and never wanted to do it, but it doesn't mean the darkness in him is an illusion. Haruka's true personality being a kind and gentle person can definitely co exist with him being a killer that had a selfish motive. And that's the beauty of Haruka Sakurai