I'm still obsessed with Haruka Sakurai ♡ྀི

Cause Haruka and Shidou are literally my two favorite characters. I rebounded quite fast after Haruka died, but I'm still grieving over Shidou, and I think everyone has just....kinda moved on

I know that the writers were leaning towards that he was trying to get the family members of brain dead patients to pull the plug and to donate their organs, but the MVs only showed his family, which made me think that he was killing off brain dead patients because his family, especially his sons were in need of organs that could save them. I saw an episode of Law and Order SVU where a doctor literally went behind the parents back to take a child’s organs after she died in the OR, and was doing that to other patients.

Granted I also blame that we as humans tend to think about the worst possible situation so that may have played into my disappointment, in which now I’m fearing that the other characters will disappoint me as well. But what do you think?

Ohhhhhh boy

I love Shidou, he went from my second favorite character to tying with Haruka rn (ily, Haruka, but that clown of a organ harvester has captured my heart). But I do have my own problems with his arc. But you're asking about his crime report and the truck driver in specific, so I'll focus on hat and sprinkle in my two cents at the end

Now, to me, the truck driver actually was an interesting twist to me. I...was genuinely shocked that his murder wasn't the brain dead patients, rather someone.....that he legitimately killed in cold blood. I did find it kinda weird he was on the side of the 'direct murders' in that one art:

So I always suspected he might have just....pulled the plug himself? Maybe without manipulating a family before, and just...again killed the patient himself? Maybe he got impatient and didn't want to bother pressuring a family into letting him kill their loved one (his glitched voice line: "You're in my way, hurry up and die"), but....why would he be impatient? Doctors typically recommend a decision on withdrawing life support within 72 hours of a severe brain injury, but a definitive timeframe doesn't exist

And again, if their braindead that's....legally dead. I dunno why he would even be on the direct murder side for just pulling the plug on already dead patients

But that's why the truck driver twist was so interesting to me

He *did* directly kill a someone. "You're in my way, hurry up and die" makes SO MUCH more sense. He was trying to get to his family. Now...the fact the hospital even allowed him to operate on someone (let alone, him killing someone and masking it as a surgical error is....wildly surreal. Tbh, I wanna vote this 'renowned university hospital' guilty) is one thing, but let's just suspend all disbelief and believe yeah, Shidou

-Killed the truck driver

-Oopsie daisy, surgical error, can I see my dying family now.....like PLEASE?!??!?

There was a theory wayyyyy before T3 that Shidou only felt guilty for harvest brain dead patients' organs because one (or all) of his family became braindead. But, in hindsight, that leaves the question of 'how'? How did they become brainidead? What accident lead them to be braindead? Even if ppl had the theory of Shidou harvest ppl's organs for his family.....why? How? Why and how would they need them?

Well, I know I'm patting myself on the back for guessing car accident

Lots of ppl on twt are even saying "The truck driver came out of nowhere and they just threw that in the report for drama!!!!" when....the signs have always been there. It's just that Shidou never mentioned the truck driver and always framed his victims are the braindead patients. It was the coolest red herring imo and one of the times Milgram's writer was.....pretty decent. It was honestly the only report that didn't irk me

Also, it goes to show that there is a liar TRIO in Milgram. Yuno, Kazui, AND Shidou. He was lying by omission the entire time. Like....I love how he was saying he felt guilty for the braindead patients and casually forgot to mention "Oh yeah, I also killed someone and masked it as a surgical error, lmao"

It was lowkey hilarious looking back

And the fact that the truck driver NEVER appeared in Throw Down or Triage was just....the cherry on top. It showed that the truck driver wasn't worth any memory space for Shidou. He just...genuinely didn't gaf about him. His focus was the braindead patients families (beginning of Throw Down) and his family (Triage)

Shidou is....selfish. And that just makes me love him even more. I already did an analysis on my reddit, but I'll copy and tweak what I wrote there onto here:

Shidou is selfless in theory… but selfish in execution.

I always thought of Shidou as someone who believes he's mature, collected, and knows best. He believes he is doing good in his job, even if he *does* feel an ache about it. He wants to save people. He wants to help families. But the way he goes about it often prioritizes his own morality and his own interpretation of “the greater good.”

He convinced families to consent to organ donation in ways that benefitted his ideals. In reality, it's not illegal, but it was ethically selfish. His intentions weren’t malicious — but they centered around his worldview.

The car accident though? That's 100% selfish. Pure, raw, animalistic selfishness. pure and human. Shidou didn’t think of the driver’s family, didn’t think of justice, and didn’t think of anyone except the pain inside his own chest. It's selfish born from severe psychological pain. This bleeds into the refusal to accept his son's brain death

Something he constantly kept telling other families to accept.

He couldn’t let go. He couldn’t practice what he preached.

He kept his son in limbo because he couldn’t handle the grief yet.

He felt that his death was the only “proper” punishment.

Even in Milgram, his own selfishness shines. But it's not cruelty or selfishness against others. It's selfishness against himself. A distorted form of self-destruction, not self-preservation.

When Amane stabs him, he doesn't fight back. He says "How fitting...this is exactly what I deserve...."

I had a problem with this when it first aired. Mosty because I thought his development in T2 towards wanting to live was wasted. But then, after speaking to twt oomfs, I decided....no, this is actually very realistic and very human of him. He wasn't actively seeking death anymore, but not because he wasn't suicidal anymore. You can't just....'get over it' overnight because some ppl affirmed your ideas. He wasn't seeking death anymore because Mahiru and Fuuta needed him

But when the knife was deep into his stomach...that was the darkest, purest form of his self-destructive selfishness.

He is not thinking about:

Mahiru needing him

Yuno can't take care of her all alone

The chain reaction his death will cause

He only feels:

“I deserve this.

I hurt people.

Let me go.

Take me.”

He did NOT choose to die. He simply REFUSED to choose to live

Fighting back requires self-worth. Again, at this point, Shidou is not living for himself, he's living for others. Him accepting death coming wasn't because he desire to live was 'worthless'. It was because his desire to live was fragile, conditional, born from responsibility. NOT self-love.

He wasn't interested in death anymore But he also wasn’t interested in self-preservation

And that's....pretty fucking tragic.....

Like...I felt devastated when Haruka died, I bawled on the train, but....the rebound was pretty easy. I was on the grind for new Haruka content/yumeship stuff the very next day

Shidou's? I'm sad, but....milder and longer?

Do it in honor of Shidou