Playing around with OpenUtau and it was difficult. So I made a 3D model about it! Which is based off of a song I made about it loll.
I definitely speedran this 3D model... Ignore the.. Imperfections.
Lyrics
Fuck this Utau shit
Why does it have to be so damn hAard
Like. Like.
Holy fuck I hate Utauuuuuuuu
Fuck Utau, fuck Utau, fuck Utau, yeah (la la la la la la la Utau la la la la la la la la Kasane Teto Teto la la la la la)
Fuck Utau, fuck Utau, fuck Utau, yeah (la la la la la la la Utau la la la la la la la la Kasane Teto Teto la la la la la)
*I like Utau lmao
(Sketches and concepts)
^^(I had a really annoying time texturing, so the boot texture isn't fully utilized. I rushed it a lot and am also a beginner).
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So. This is something that Iāve gotten asked about a few times since people became interested in my analyses. And itās something Iāve always avoided answering because it seems to me that the topic of gender is way more touchy than the topic of sexuality.
Iām also the sort of person who doesnāt like people talking about things without some form of experience on the topic. I can talk about how I see the potential of someone being gay because Iām gay. I know what itās like to be gay. I know what itās like to be afraid for people to find out that youāre gay (passed that, but been there). Someone who isnāt gay and never questioned it wouldnāt have any idea what itās like.
As someone who has struggled with gender identity myself, Iāve decided that Iāll talk about this. Iād say that I have a controversial opinion on this topic, but no matter what you say about gender identity, one person or another is going to think itās controversial. So, really, everyone has a controversial opinion on the topic. As it is not my intention to offend anyone, I decided to share that controversial opinion. Anyway. Read on if you can handle someone talking about their opinion without getting riled up that it might be different than yours, and if youāre curious about my thoughts on the topic. If not. Move on. (BELOW THE CUT)
So. Let me start by putting in theĀ āshort storyā of my gender identity, so you kind of get the idea where Iām coming from when I state my opinion on this topic. You can skip this to the part where I start talking about Jimin, but I just wanted to add this in here so you have an idea of where Iām coming from.
Currently, I identify as a cis-female lesbian, but it took me a long time to accept myself as a female. Honestly. When I was a child, I was more okay with the fact that I liked girls than the fact that I was a girl. Liking girls never felt wrong to me. Liking girls as a girl is what felt wrong. I donāt know if that makes sense, but I know how I felt.
I was what they called aĀ ātom-boyā back in the day. Iām not sure if that term is offensive now? But I always related with the label for some reason.
My parents have a lot to do with my current view on gender identity. My mom told me when I was a little baby, my favorite color was pink. Itās currently pink. She said that once I started learning the names of colors and that they hadĀ āgendersā, I took a hard turn to the color blue. I pretended that blue was my favorite color for a big part of my life, throughout high school, because I didnāt want to be associated with theĀ āgirlyā things.
I also liked Hotwheels as child. I was obsessedĀ with cars. This is something I was genuinely interested in, and not just because I wanted to distance myself from girly things. At McDonaldās they often haveĀ āboy toysā andĀ āgirl toysā. I also have one brother and two sisters. When my mom took us to McDonaldās, sheād always say she wantedĀ ātwo hotwheels and two barbiesā. If the checker ever saidĀ āgirls and boy toysā my mom would again specify hotweels and barbies. Because she didnāt understand why they wereĀ āgirl and boy toysā. As a child, I was changing her perspective on gender.
We used to go to Christmas parties when I was a kid, and Santa would always hand out presents to the kids. It always seemed they gave the boys certain toys, and the girls always got dolls or doll related things. So I started to hate going to these Christmas parties. I also question why Santa didnāt buy me the gifts I wanted. He was supposed to know what every child wanted. One year, my mom talked to the people who decided the gift buying, and they got me a giant collection of hotwheels. This Santa became my favorite.
Anyhow. I always wanted to be my dadās son. I wanted to him to play sports with me and grill with him like he would do with my brother. When I showed more interest in those things than my brother did, he started doing them with me instead. Iād help him build things. Iād play sports with him. And we always grilled together. Until I got older and started going through the inevitable changes that every girl goes through. He stopped treating me like a son and started treating me like a daughter, and it really upset me that my dadās whole attitude toward me would have changed like that. So I started hating being a girl even more.
Anyway, long story short (believe me, thereās a lotĀ more to this story, but this is a Jimin focus. Not a Koala focus). I eventually came to accept that I was a girl, and actually likeĀ feminine things. But, at the same time, I actually like masculine things, too. Coming out to my family as gay really allowed me to express my gender identity more. And I think itās funny because they often point out how I became more feminine after coming out when many females do it the opposite. I explained to them that I always wanted to beĀ āstraightā and like girls, but when I fully accepted myself as gay, I fully accepted myself as female, too.
That being said, I didnāt give in to gender norms or anything like that. I just stopped pretending to hate all feminine things for the fear of beingĀ ātoo much of a girlā to like girls. Pink is my favorite color, but Iāll take the whole fucking rainbow any day. I love hotwheels, and I know more about cars than most modern boys do. I know about computers, and I love math. I absolutely love playing sports (I donāt like watching them so much). I love high fantasy, and I love playing d&d with my friends. But I also love sitting down to a nice romantic movie every now and then. I play all kinds of video games from fps to dress up games, and I love the fact that I donāt have to be apologetic about any of it. I can fix my own kitchen sink and give you tips about how to get stains out of the carpet. I still hate dolls, and they are fucking creepy to me.
I can accept the term bigender for myself, but I label myself as cis-female. Because I donāt want society to tell me thatĀ āfeminineā things are for girls andĀ āmasculineā things are for boys. And tell me how I need to identify because of my like or distaste for either. I donāt mindĀ āfeminineā andĀ āmasculineā labels, but I donāt think it should determine how much of aĀ āboyā orĀ āgirlā you are. I know that people identify as trans and anywhere on the spectrum for reasons that go beyond that, and thatās fine. My story goes far beyond that as well, but thatās pretty much my main focus that brings me to this point.
So. Letās talk about Jimin now.
IN RELATION TO JIMIN
So, Iāve had exactly one ask that wanted to know if I would refer to Jimin asĀ ātheyā instead ofĀ āheā because we donāt know how he identifies, but I think that can be true for anyone. Just because JK presents himself as more masculine with the fact that he works out and is aĀ āboyā boy, we canāt presume that he identifies as a cis-male. Even if he likes all masculine things, and thereās nothing feminine about him (which isnāt true, but even if it was), we canāt just assume that he identifies as cis-male and is totally comfortable in his 100% male role. So the fact that this seems to come up mostly in relation to Jimin kind of proves how itās a societalĀ āmasculineā andĀ āfeminineā thing when it comes many peopleās view on gender identity.
Iāve also had a lot of people come to my inbox and talk about how they donāt see why people question Jiminās gender. āHeās not feminine at all.ā And, let me just say that he really is, and I donāt think it would offend him for me to blatantly state that. When he first debuted, he really tried to present himself as masculine, and he wanted to be seen as aĀ āstrong/real man.ā But heās eased himself into what heās more comfortable with, and he, himself, talks about this transformation. How he doesnāt have pretend anymore, and he can just be who he is. And thatās a wonderful thing. And him talking about it the way he does (Iād love to go back and find examples, so people share links if you have any otherwise itās going to take me ages to source this) kind of tells me that he wants people to realize his transformation. That he is so unbothered by both his feminine and masculine traits that he isnāt bothered if people see him more one way or the other.
Let me bring up Jiminās bigender tattoo, if you will. (x) Well, itās not really a tattoo, and more of a drawing. It wasnāt permanent, but still. Iāve had a few people argue that itās not the bigender symbol because of both extensions pointing straight instead of the masculine symbol being at an angle (x), but seeing as how I donāt know of any other symbol it could be, Iām going to assume that it was meant to be the bigender symbol.Ā
Does this tattoo mean that he identifies as bigender? Iām leaning toward yes, but Iām also going to have to say that it doesnāt confirm anything. We donāt know the reason behind the tattoo unless Jimin tells us himself, and we donāt know the reason it was altered with both extensions being aligned instead of the way the actual symbol looks (if that detail is significant in any way).
Again, Iām leaning toward a strong possibility of him identifying as bigender because BTS are pretty socially aware, and Iām sure he knows what the symbol means. There could be a list of other reasons as to why he decided to use the symbol, so weāll never know the truth unless he tells us.
I will say that, similar to how I think TH mentioning the Christmas song to us was to see how weād react to the idea of him singing a romantic song with a boy, I think that Jimin putting that tattoo on his arm was to raise a similar kind of topic. I think he wants people to discuss and question his gender identity. And I think anyone who has come out to their family, friends, and societies would get the same idea. Because itās a process, and this seems like a step in the process.
Iād often talk about how I loved it when people would mistake me for a boy, and how disappointing it was when someone would be quick to correct them. Iād talk about how being aĀ āgirlā is exhausting and how I wish I could flip a switch and be aĀ āboyā. Iād question my parents about how theyād feel if I brought a girl home. Iād use gender neutral pronouns while talking about people I was interested in. Iād question if it was weird to want to hold hands with my best female friends. And the list goes on.
The tattoo seems like a step in a process. Maybe heās not trying to come out, but maybe he wants us to be talking about it. I donāt think we should just assume that heās bigender because of it (the same way we shouldnāt just assume TH is gay for Christmas song talk), but I donāt think people need to be so quick to shut the idea down. Because itās possible that he might not identify as cis-male, and to shut down a piece of evidence like a bigender drawing on his arm is to shut down a pretty strong piece of evidence. That tattoo was drawn on Jimin for a reason because itās supposed to meanĀ something. Until we know what that something is, there is absolutely no harm in us fans talking and wondering about his identity. As long as we donāt shove it in Jiminās face and demand that he talks about it. Letās wonder together. Among ourselves.
As for which pronouns to use when talking about Jimin, until he says anything official about his identity, I thinkĀ āhe/himā pronouns are fine. If you want to call himĀ āthey/themā, I think thatās fine, too. I wonāt simply because I only like to useĀ āthey/themā if Iām intentionally trying to be neutral or if an individual specifically requests to be addressed as such, but I donāt see the harm in anyone else doing it. I think going as far as usingĀ āshe/herā could be a little too much and a little too presumptive. Iām not the sort to get offended by any type of pronouns. I identify with them all, but thatās not true for everyone. And it might not be true for Jimin. So I think itās best to stick withĀ āhe/himā orĀ āthey/themā because theyāre the most gender neutral terms.Ā
And yeah.Ā āHe/himā is more gender neutral thanĀ āshe/herā. And, even if you donāt think so,Ā āhe/himā are the terms we use to refer to biological males without knowing anything about their personal identity. I donāt think itāsĀ āassuming heās cis until he says otherwise.ā This is just as harmful asĀ āassuming heās straight until he says otherwise.ā Because, for me at least,Ā āhe/himā is referring to the only thing I know about his gender/sex until he confirms otherwise, and thatās the biological part of his gender/sex. Itās not me sayingĀ āOh, I think heās definitely cis unless he says heās notā. Because Iām leaning more toward theĀ ānotā part of that, but the only thing I can confirm is that he is biologically male. He wouldnāt be in BTS if he wasnāt.
Bringing it back to the first point I mentioned, we canāt assume a gender identity onto any of them. Jimin brings up more questions not because of hisĀ āfeminineā side, but because of that bigender symbol. But it doesnāt mean that he identifies that way, and it doesnāt mean none of the other members do.
Like I said. I was hesitant about making this post and avoided asks about this topic for a long time because people get more defensive about gender identity than sexuality, but I wanted to talk about this. Because regardless of how offended people get about this topic, I think itās something we shouldnāt be afraid to discuss.