First police encounter
Driving home, it's a dark road that curves through Estonian forest. I'm still used to Australian roads, where we err on the side of over precaution. If there's a corner you can go around safely at 80, on our big island it will suggest you drive 30. We have reflectors on roads almost everywhere, driving at night there is like being in a lit up video game. On this drive, I'm commenting on how in Estonia, if there's a corner that isn't safe to go even at 40 on a road that is 90, you can probably expect there won't be a warning sign at all. Or reflectors. I take it with how dark it is here during this time of year Estonians have adjusted to better night vision.
A car approaches, which means pray you remember the direction the road turns ahead for the next icy moments where a perfect blend of salty ice mixed mud is laden on your windscreen, combining with oncoming bright lights turning your windscreen wiper and glass into a kind of close up christmas display instead of a clear vision of the road, aka it means you can't see shit.
Then the party lights on the oncoming car turn on and a little siren. Am I being pulled over? I pull over. I think.. have I been pulled over in Estonia before? No. Tap tap tap. A Police man awaits.
I'm a bit slow to find the automatic window down button. It's dark. Only 4.30pm and feels like midnight. Not a good start keeping him waiting. I probably look drunk already. Window down.
"Tere", I say.
"Tere... Something something something something palun" he says.
Bugger. Estonian is tough. Earlier in the day we had a chat about how I speak too quickly. Words like 'suur' I tend to say 'sur' because in English we don't really elongate letters when there are two, but in Estonian, if you don't say both the letters, all you get back are stares.
So I speak slowly to the Politsei..
"Ahh va-ban-dust.. ma saaaaaan aaaaaaru na-tu-ke". Translation: I understand a little. Reality: I understood that his mouth is making sounds and wants a tangible response.
He looks over his shoulder to get help from his partner as I realise I probably just sounded borderline comatose.
"Sorry, do you speak English?" I said.
Probably little chance. We are in a remote area.
"Yes I do" he said, he looked relieved. So was I. "I have to request that you take a breath test, would you please blow into the tester here 3cm away."
This was weird for me. In Australia when you get a RBT (random breath test) they pull out a tester and then unwrap a little sterilised plastic pipe and attach it. You have to wrap your mouth around that pipe and blow hard like a balloon. But in Estonia, he says I can be 3cm away? All of a sudden for some reason I'm thinking that this is some ultra sensitive high-tech Estonian breathalyser and I just have to open my mouth and breath the tiniest amount and it will know everything.
So I open my mouth and breathed out a little. Nothing registers.
"You have blow quite hard." he says.
It occurs to me that he thinks I'm trying to rig the system and pretend to breath. The partner steps closer looking uber suspicious of me, says something, and I think they think I'm pretending to blow, but actually I'm just confused. I'm so used to feeling so violated with my lips hugging some other mans hard plastic extension right about now that its just all taken me by surprise.
I blow again, harder.
"All good?" I asked.
"Yep, enjoy the rest of your visit" he says, a smile on his face.
And back into the pitch dark we drove.
