#microbial conspiracy

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🧬 DNA DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU, KAREN

Your DNA doesn’t care. Not about your career, your feelings, your skincare routine, or the six hours you wasted scrolling Etsy for “witchy candles.”

Your DNA would survive without you. You’re just the unpaid Uber driver in the infinite city of evolution. A vessel. A sack of nerves. A disposable meat courier for molecules that have been copy-pasting themselves since before oxygen existed.

FACT ONE: YOU ARE THE UBER, NOT THE PASSENGER

You think you’re in charge? No. You are a rideshare app for genetic code. The genes hitch a ride, sometimes crash the car, then eject to the next poor sucker with legs.

You’re not “living your best life.” You’re a walking vehicle registration form for ancient strands of acid trying to beat entropy.

FACT TWO: DNA IS A PSYCHOPATH

DNA doesn’t love you. It doesn’t care if you die in agony, sobbing on a hospital bed, clutching for breath. If it got its code copied into a child, neighbor, or random petri dish, then congratulations-- mission accomplished.

Your funeral? Just DNA’s old phone being recycled.

FACT THREE: YOUR “DIET” IS A LIE

Think you’re a proud plant-based, cruelty-free primate? Cute.

Your canines, your jaw strength, your digestive tract-- they crave the screaming marrow of prey too slow to survive your ancestors’ hunger.

Your DNA remembers bones cracking like drumsticks. It remembers sinew between teeth. It remembers blood on dirt.

Your kale smoothie is cosplay. Your vegan burger is a wig on a corpse.

FACT FOUR: DNA CHEATS WITH EVERYONE

You’re not unique. Your DNA shares over 60% with a banana, 80% with a cow, and 98% with a chimpanzee. Your “soulmate”? Genetically redundant. Your “individuality”? A rounding error on a 4-billion-year-old copy machine.

You are not special. You are just a temporary spelling of the alphabet of life.

FACT FIVE: EVOLUTION DOESN’T CARE ABOUT YOUR COMFORT

Do you enjoy running water? Air conditioning? Avocado toast?

Too bad. Evolution only cared that your ancestors could outrun predators and survive famine long enough to breed. Your body was optimized for starvation, brutality, and fear. That’s why your brain melts in office cubicles. That’s why your heart rots on dating apps. That’s why you panic at 3AM for no reason.

You were not designed for happiness. You were engineered for replication.

FACT SIX: SEX IS A SCAM

Love songs? Weddings? Honeymoons? Lies. Sex is not about connection, intimacy, or poetry.

It’s about DNA writing a sequel. You are the pen. Your kids are the book. And DNA doesn’t care if the story sucks-- as long as there’s another copy on the shelf.

FACT SEVEN: THE BIG PUNCHLINE

Your DNA will outlive you. It will use you up like a disposable vape and pass its code into the next idiot, or maybe just die trying.

And when you rot? When the worms chew your face and the soil forgets your name? DNA will not mourn. It will not miss you. It will not write a Hallmark card.

Because Karen-- your DNA doesn’t give a fuck about you.

CLOSING TRANSMISSION

You’re a skeleton, chauffeuring DNA, carrying microbes, pretending you matter.

But in the cathedral of evolution? You are not the priest. You are the janitor.

So light your candles, update your LinkedIn, and whisper “self-care” into the abyss-- your DNA is already downloading a new driver.

🧠 Read more respect-coded doctrine and emotional architecture at: 👉 https://linktr.ee/ObeyMyCadence 🛡️ Masculine polarity. Scrolltrap psychology. Unforgiven words. 🚪 Warning: This one broke relationships. On purpose.

[AUTO-PURGE IN: 11:11:11 -- DNA ALREADY GONE]