i was never groomed but I used to have an older best friend during my teenage years and as a heavily sheltered child with no previous internet access having this older " wiser " friend who'd already been on the internet since age 7 meant I learned ALOT from her. Then as a I grew older 17 - 18 slowly realized this girl was very toxic to me and even more towards my other friends. It took me a long to accept that she's been wronging me and other people I love very much only because I felt like owe so much to get. I used to feel like I owe my whole personality to get because she introduced me to many of the things I like , I'd looked up to her so much during a time I was quickly getting to understand how the world works, and through many things she quite kindly held my hand to get me through.
But she'd also hurt me , and not just me . Shed hurt other friends much worse and I just excused her for everything she did because I could only see her as this kind older sister figure who had her issues everyone just needed to understand, because ofcourse when your understanding of the half the world comes from one person, the first thing you learn is that they are broken in certain ways you need to help them get through. I learn from her and she leans on me. And how could I pull away easily when it felt like she would crumble without me , how could I pull away when she had been so kind to me.
Watching the end of ep 6 of contrast made me think about this friendship alot. The way Akira thinks everything interesting about him is something he got to learn from that man, that his personality that Kanata likes is just a reflection of his groomers , I saw myself in him.
I used to beat myself up so much about having ended that friendship everytime I would be reminded of how almost everything I like and my ways of looking at the world I learned by and with that friend. It used to feel like I took advantage of her instead of what actually happened. Getting introduced to kpop and getting help with my uni application , learning piracy and getting inspired to do crochet, how much does this compare to sleepless nights where is be worried about her cutting herself. Weekends spent in stress when she wouldn't reply to anything with no explanation. Hours and hours gone trying to validate her.
I never saw the downsides of our friendship while I was in it. I never saw them even while I ended the friendship only because I felt like she was too mean to my other friends. It was only after years passed that I have started to see i was not the one taking advantage of her. I was just learning. I probably might have discovered kpop myself. Despite being inspired by her I never got into the same fandoms as her. I always was just myself and I would have been without her too . Not the same person I am today but probably not far off. She just gave me starting points. Inspiration. And I idolized her for it. Because I was just a kid and she knew everything and she also needed me but not as much as I used to think I needed her. When I didnt.
There are still days I miss her , when I want to know how she's doing, despite the fact that she's done things horrible enough to my friends that I cut her off and have realized she was very toxic to me too.
I understand why Akira will not be seeing that he's been groomed for a long long time. My heart hurts for him and I hate that this show doesn't frame him as an evil man from outside of akiras eyes . Ofc Akira will still depend on him and go to him for advice but they don't need to show him as a guy with good intentions. He took advantage of a struggling kid. The kid is not going to see this. The people around him need to.
A very long rant about why I like and hate this show at the same time because of how the previous relationship is handled.
