#mhaimogen

Hi there!

This is a really important question to address - because every single one of us has done something which we are not proud of, and none of us are perfect. We have to learn how to face these flaws in ourselves, and learn to live with the knowledge of the hurt we have caused other people. Your honesty and humility in acknowledging the pain you have caused others through your actions is a crucial step to moving on from it.

The word forgive means to wipe the slate clean, to pardon, to cancel a debt. It is not granted because a person deserves it, but because we choose to no longer hold this against a person.

The individual that you hurt might forgive you one day, or may never forgive you. But you are not solely defined by this - you are not automatically a bad person for hurting someone. Sometimes we end up hurting others because we felt hurt ourselves.

I love this quote which describes how effective forgiveness is: ‘Forgiveness is a tool with which we face what we’ve done in the past, acknowledge our mistakes, and move on. There’s a season for suffering and regret, we have to have that. But the season ends; the world moves on. And we need to move on with it.’

This isn’t always an easy process, and requires us to be honest with ourselves and others, and make ourselves vulnerable.

Try and learn from your mistakes, through talking to others that you trust about what you did and how you’re feeling after hurting someone. Get the perspective of someone who doesn’t necessarily have an emotional investment in the situation.

Strengthen your relationships moving forwards. While you can’t change the past, you can control your own actions for the future.

Don’t be afraid to seek out counselling from a professional who can help you to work through your feelings and figure out a way forwards.

Replaying what you did over and over isn’t going to help you or the person you hurt. It just makes you feel bad.

Wanting to reach out and apologise is a great step, but obviously there are situations where this isn’t appropriate or possible.

Be patient. Most wounds heal with time, the pain becomes less intense, and we are able to take a step back from the emotions and see from a different perspective.

I would really encourage you to reach out for support, both to help you work through this, and to help you preventing something like this happening again. You don’t have to go through this alone, and we are always here if you have any other thoughts or questions!

I can see your honesty and our courage in asking this question and addressing this situation, and I hope I have been of some help!

Hi there!

It’s really great that you’ve reached out to us and want to find out more about what you’re experiencing. You aren’t alone in feeling this way, and we are always here for you!

Having an active imagination is a strength not a weakness. It shows creativity, empathy, and innovation. It also helps to make us unique, to demonstrate our likes and dislikes. However, for some people it can also become pathological. Our dreams can turn into nightmares, and it can feel like you’re stuck in the gap between what reality is, and the reality of what could be, in your mind.

There are many people who create a new reality for themselves with their imagination, because reality for them is too unbearable. What is bearable for one person may not be to another, we are all individual. The truth is, sometimes reality sucks. Pain is inevitable, everyone experiences suffering to some degree. Learning to cope with this is hard, but also very possible.

I would really encourage you to talk to someone about how you are feeling, whether that is a friend, relative, doctor, or counsellor. You don’t have to experience this alone. There may be underlying reasons why you prefer the fantasy to reality - you may find this easier to manage if you have someone who can help you address any potential issues. With support you can learn tools and skills that will help you to identify and manage emotions and triggers.

It is good that you can identify that these fantasies are not reality, even if you cannot help but engage in them. Some people have a fantasy prone personality - and this doesn’t make you bad or lesser, it is just an acknowledgement that we are all different, and experience the world in different ways.

These ‘games’ can be interpreted as a coping mechanism - it is a tool that you use to navigate life, but it can become a compulsion. Maladaptive Daydreaming causes people to retreat into their own minds so much that their daydreams begin to interfere with reality.

This Link has some great information on this topic :)

You are not bad for experiencing this, but if this is causing you to feel bad, then you deserve to get support to enable you to develop new coping techniques.

I hope that some of this has been helpful, please do send us another ask if you have any further thoughts or questions! :)

There is always hope,

Hi there!

It’s great that you can identify that your mental health is important, and that things aren’t okay at the moment. Admitting when we feel like this can leave us feeling vulnerable, but it’s such a crucial step to getting better :)

I would really encourage you to speak openly to your doctor about your struggles at the moment. If it would help, you could bring a friend or relative with you, or you could write down what you want to say before you go in. Even if they have never helped you before, it is always worth trying again. Your GP or family doctor will be able to refer you to a mental health specialist who can provide an assessment to try and identify what your individual struggles and needs are, and how you can be supported.

It is very normal to be nervous and unsure when speaking to a doctor about such a personal subject, but they are trained to help with these issues, and will understand if you are finding it hard. Also remember that every individual is different - there may be some doctors that you get along with better than others, so if you aren’t happy it’s always okay to get a second opinion!

Getting help aged 20 will often be very different to accessing it when you were 16. This can be because you may have transitioned from child and adolescent services to adult services, which involves less of a parental role, or because you have become older. You will have gained more insights into what you are struggling with, have less of the teenage hormones, and be able to take more responsibility for your own recovery. This means you have a much higher chance of being able to find services beneficial.

From my experience, the more honest you are with your doctors and treatment team, the easier it will be to fight this and keep going! They are there to help you, not to make you feel worse. If something isn’t working, as their patient you always have the right to express this to them, and together you can try and find a way to resolve the issue.

I know how hard it can be to hold on to hope when it seems like nothing can ever change or get better. It’s ok to feel like this. It’s horrible, it’s lonely, and it’s painful, but it doesn’t define you in any way. You still deserve to be happy. You still deserve to keep living and keep fighting. I want you to know that there is ALWAYS hope, every single day. There is always the chance that tomorrow can be better. You deserve to have support, and you don’t have to go through this alone. Sometimes we can put on a mask of being ok, to try and manage. But at some point, all of us need to reach out for help, and we all need to look after ourselves and our mental and physical health.

We are always here for you if you need to talk, or have any thoughts or questions. Keep fighting, we can do this together!

Lots of love

Hi there 1005!

Risperidone is an atypical antipsychotic, which is used to treat psychosis but also other symptoms such as anxiety, rage, and agitation. It can also help to stabilise mood swings.

I was prescribed risperidone whilst inpatient, but I was not psychotic. For me personally, it helped to reduce my anxiety surrounding eating, and reduced my outbursts of aggression. It can also be used for individuals with autism and difficult behaviours. Some people are on this medication long term, whilst others only need it short term (up to six weeks).

Psychosis is defined as “a mental health problem that causes people to perceive or interpret things differently from those around them. This might involve hallucinations or delusions.” The two main symptoms are seeing/hearing/senses something which is not there, or strongly believing things which aren’t true (e.g believing there is a conspiracy to harm you). The combination of hallucinations and delusional thinking can cause severe distress and a change in behaviour.

Psychosis is a symptom of several mental health conditions, such as Schizophrenia, Bipolar disorder, Severe depression, Substance misuse, and PTSD. A psychotic episode can be triggered by a range of things, such as a significant trauma, stress, medication changes, and drug/alcohol use. Some disorders such as Borderline Personality Disorder can also include transient psychosis.

Schizophrenic patients may experience 'positive symptoms' (such as hallucinations, disturbances of thought, hostility) and/or 'negative symptoms' (such as lack of emotion and social withdrawal). Risperidone is effective in relieving both positive and negative symptoms of schizophrenia, whereas the conventional antipsychotics are usually less effective against the negative symptoms. Risperidone also relieves 'affective symptoms' that are associated with schizophrenia, such as depression, guilt feelings or anxiety.

Risperidone mainly affects two neurotransmitters in the brain - dopamine, and serotonin. Dopamine and serotonin are known to be involved in regulating mood and behaviour, amongst other things. Psychotic illness is considered to be caused by disturbances in the activity of neurotransmitters (mainly dopamine) in the brain.

Most antipsychotics have sedating properties and can help to treat insomnia.

Do you have a medical professional you can talk to about your medication? Some people experience side effects from their medications, or may have to try a few different drugs before they find the right one. Don’t be afraid to ask questions :)

I hope some of this information has been helpful - please do send us another ask if you have any other thoughts or questions!

We are always here for you <3

With love, 

Hi there H!

It’s great that you’re looking for support and asking for help - you don’t have to struggle on your own, and we are always here for you.

The first step for most people in the UK is to visit your GP, who can refer you to CAMHS.

CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) is the mental health services in the UK for under 18s. It is possible to see them without your parents, and you can also get referred through your school nurse, or a counsellor. Due to patient confidentiality, nobody will know the details of what you discuss. However, if a professional believes you are at serious risk of harm to yourself or others, then they have a duty of care to inform your parents/guardian/teachers. Some diagnoses (such as personality disorders) aren’t usually made until a person is over 18 but you can still access treatment if you don’t have a diagnosis. In some cases, you can be prescribed medications that may help your condition/symptoms.

When you get referred to CAMHS there may be a wait before you get an initial assessment. You will be assigned a care coordinator, who is usually a mental health nurse, occupational therapist, or social worker. You will also be able to access psychologists, psychiatrists, and an outreach team who can visit you at home or school. These people can also support to you in opening up to your parents about what you’re struggling with, and can also offer family therapy and mediation.

There is also the option of a private therapist, if that is a viable financially, or through medical insurance. If you are allocated a therapist who you don’t get along with, you always have the right to ask for a different one that you feel more comfortable with.

Everyone’s experience of mental health is individual, and no matter what it is you are struggling with, how you feel is totally valid and real. Learning to manage our emotions, thoughts, and behaviours can be a difficult process, but it does get easier, and this will pass!

Facing up to our mental health issues and be very scary and confusing, but you are also incredibly brave for recognising that things are hard at the moment, and seeking help. Keep being honest with the adults you trust, because nobody deserves to suffer alone <3

Please do send another ask if you have any other thoughts or questions :) Keep fighting!

With love,

Hi there!

Firstly, every individual with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is different, and may exhibit different combinations of symptoms. According to the DSM-IV-TR (American Psychiatric Association, 2000), borderline personality disorder is diagnosed when there is a persistent pattern of unstable interpersonal relationships, mood and self-image, as well as distinct impulsive behaviour, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts. In order to get diagnosed with this disorder, you must fulfill at least 5 of the following 9 criteria:

Do you have an intense fear of being left alone, which causes you to act in ways that, on reflection, seem out of the ordinary or extreme, such as constantly phoning somebody (but not including self-harming or suicidal behaviour)?

Do you have a pattern of intense and unstable relationships with other people that switch between thinking you love that person and they’re wonderful to hating that person and thinking they’re terrible?

Do you ever feel you don’t have a strong sense of your own self and are unclear about your self-image?

Do you engage in impulsive activities in two areas that are potentially damaging, such as unsafe sex, drug abuse or reckless spending (but not including self-harming or suicidal behaviour)?

Have you made repeated suicide threats or attempts in your past and engaged in self-harming?

Do you have severe mood swings, such as feeling intensely depressed, anxious or irritable, which last from a few hours to a few days?

Do you have long-term feelings of emptiness and loneliness?

Do you have sudden and intense feelings of anger and aggression, and often find it difficult to control your anger?

When you find yourself in stressful situations, do you have feelings of paranoia, or do you feel like you’re disconnected from the world or from your own body, thoughts and behaviour?

However, there are 526 different possible combinations of BPD symptoms so no two sufferers are alike. I myself have struggled with BPD for many years so I can give you some examples from my life and explain some of the symptoms I struggle with.

Black and White (dichotomous thinking) can be a big issue for some sufferers. It is characterized by all-or-nothing thinking, seeing situations or people as either wholly good or wholly bad with little in between, and in inability to simultaneously see the good and bad together.

‘Splitting’ is a symptoms I struggle with, and it’s a term used to describe when a person with BPD flips from believing someone is all good to believing they are all bad - I tend to split on people I am close to such as family/boyfriend as opposed to strangers/acquaintances.  I also split on myself, where all my core values and beliefs about life flip. I tend to either feel immensely superior to humanity, or infinitely inferior and unworthy of existing.

Transient dissociation can occur during times of stress or extreme emotion. This can involve depersonalisation (feeling I am not real, not recognising myself), derealisation (feeling the world is not really and everything around me is disconnected. It can feel like I’m watching myself doing things but I’m not actually engaging with it.

Moulding myself to suit other people’s needs or how I want to be perceived to fit in. I can act very differently depending on who I am spending time with. I also prefer to have fewer but closer friendship than many different but less intense ones.

Impulsivity can be very difficult to deal with, because many people with BPD don’t have the barrier between having a thought and acting on it. For me this can look like very erratic behaviours like randomly jumping in a river, or impulsively spending lots of money, or taking drugs, or impulsively self harming.

Emotional intensity - BPD sufferers are described to have ‘the emotional sensitivity equivalent to a third degree burn victim’. It can feel like perpetual psychological agony or emptiness. We tend to feel everything or feel nothing.

Warped perceptions in interpersonal relationships can manifest as misinterpreting other people’s words and actions as a personal vendetta against me, and a lot of paranoia!

I used to struggle a lot with rage, and would lash out at my family in every sense, for no logical reason. I would just be filled with irrational anger that I didn’t know what to do with.

These are only my personal experiences though, and you may or may not relate to some of these symptoms. If you are worried that you are struggling with BPD or any of its traits I would really encourage you to speak to a mental health professional or a doctor. Many sufferers have chronic suicide ideation, and 10% of sufferers will complete suicide. Please don’t be afraid to reach out if you or someone you know is suffering <3

There is help available for this condition. Although there are no recommended medications for BPD, antidepressants and antipsychotics can help to alleviate symptoms. Therapies such as MBT and DBT have proven to be very successful in treating this disorder. There are also some useful links giving more information about borderline personality disorder:

NHS - BPD

MIND - BPD

A moment with BPD

Samaritans

If you have any other thoughts or questions please do send us another ask! We are always here for you and you don’t have to go through this alone <3

With love

Hiya!I relate to this ask a huge amount as I also love my large stuffed animal collection! First of all - it is totally okay to love your cuddly friends :) having stuffed toys can be very therapeutic for some people, and it doesn’t make you pathetic or vain, I promise.

However, the practicalities of having many stuffed animals can be troublesome, and that may be the reason that your father is asking you to reduce your collection. They take up a lot of space, and for someone who doesn’t realise the emotional attachment they may genuinely not understand their significance.

When I moved I had to make some painful decisions about how to manage my collection. For me this resulted in assessing which animals I had the strongest emotional attachments to, and which animals were simply too large (such as a nearly life size unicorn). I also had to be firm with myself and for every new animal I got, to try to pass on another which I felt I would miss less. I also have a large box under my bed where I keep many of my cuddly friends because I don’t want to part with them yet.

Now I know everyone is different and everyone has their own ways of coping. You might not be in a place right now where getting rid of any of them is a possibility, and that’s okay. You have a right to take this at your own pace.

Is there any way that you could store some of your collection? That way you aren’t getting rid of them and can access them whenever you need to, but they won’t be a constant visual presence for your father and could be a step towards potential future changes.

It might also be worth thinking about the reasons behind your attachment to your collection. Perhaps they provide companionship when you feel lonely, or keep you grounded when everything feels overwhelming. Where/who you got them from may also have sentimental value for you. Working through these things one step at a time may help you to find some peace in this situation, and there is support out there to help you if you find this distressing - try looking here and here.

Is there any way that you could explain to your dad the emotional significance of your collection? If it’s hard to talk about you could always write him a letter, or try to relate how you are feeling to something that you know that he is very attached to? I know that speaking about personal matters can be really scary and leave us feeling quite vulnerable. You can take this at whatever pace you need to, because the most important thing is that you look after yourself. You deserve to be happy! You don’t have to go through this on your own. We are always here for you <3

You aren’t pathetic, or vain, or childish. You are unique and precious and I hope that everything works out for you! Please do send another ask if you have any thoughts/worries/questions :)

Take care,

[(2) Bloss] I think that my grandma is going through dementia or something similar but no one in my family can accept this, they are not coping with the fact that she's not the person she was 10 years ago and what's worse than that, they get angry at her for being incapable of hearing/reasoning/etc. I visit a counselor for my own mental issues and I'm planning to ask her for help but maybe this should be taken care by a social assistant? Do you have some resourses I could check? Thank you!!

Hi Bloss!

Thankyou for your kind words - we really appreciate them :)

Part of my job is to care for people who have dementia, so I hope that I can offer some insight and support for you. However, I am not a registered health practitioner so please do also speak to your doctor about your concerns.

I’m really sorry to hear how your family is struggling - it can be really tough to be in this kind of situation. I wanted to start by giving you some information on the types of dementia and the symptoms that they can have.

Dementia is not a disease in itself. Dementia is a word used to describe a group of symptoms that occur when brain cells stop working properly. Symptoms include memory loss, confusion, mood changes, and difficulty with day-to-day tasks. There are multiple types of dementia and it is possible to have more than one at the same time. This can be called ‘mixed dementia’.

Dementia with Lewy-Bodies (DLB) - affects the cerebrum of the brain, and can lead to hallucinations and loss of consciousness. Can cause common dementia symptoms as well as Parkinson’s disease-type movement issues and sleep disturbances.

Vascular Dementia - Can cause memory loss, disorientation, and problems communicating. However, sufferers may also have bladder problems, movement problems, and taking more time to process information.

Fronto-temporal Dementia (FTD) - affects the frontal lobe, and has several subtypes. Can cause people to act inappropriately, and experience personality changes. Also affects temporal lobe and can cause difficulty with language, speech, and factual knowledge about the world. The person may have different diet preferences, a lack of personal awareness, and lack of social awareness.

ARBD - Alcohol related brain damage, including Korsakoff’s syndrome which is an chronic memory disorder caused by severe deficiency of thiamine (vitamin B-1). Shares similar symptoms with other dementias.

Posterior Cortical Atrophy (PCA) - affects parietal and occipital lobes, causing difficulty seeing what and where things are.

Alzheimers - affects the temporal lobe, specifically the hippocampus. Causes memory loss and disorientation. Can cause difficulty with language, speech, and factual knowledge about the world. The cerebellum is eventually affected by Alzheimer’s and other dementias. This part of the brain helps control our movements, including balance and posture. It’s also involved in attention and language.

I also want to raise the point that around 40% of people over 65 have some type of memory problem, and only 15% will develop dementia each year. There are other conditions that can cause dementia-like symptoms, such as depression, delirium (due to infection, stroke, hypoglycaemia, hypoxia etc), and age related memory impairment.

Someone affected by memory loss as they get older will often fear the worst and assume they have dementia. Age related memory impairment is relatively common, however when an individual has dementia they will usually not be aware of their memory loss or will deny it. In addition, an individual with dementia will often struggle to remember immediate or recent events, but will still recall events from a long time ago.

Typical early symptoms of Alzheimer’s include getting lost, confusion surrounding the time of day, regularly misplacing items, regularly forgetting recent events, face, and names. As it progresses language and communication become more difficult, and some people may experience hallucinations, as well as becoming more unsteady and prone to falls. People will find that their ability to remember, think and make decisions worsens and their personality may change.

Individuals will all have a different experience of dementia, especially because different types of dementia may result in different symptoms. For example, those with vascular dementia are more likely to have issues with incontinence and seizures, and those with FTD may be less forgetful than those with Alzheimer’s. In addition, age can affect how able a person is to function when they have dementia. If a person is younger they are less likely to be as dependable, but it may be harder for them to access support. Those who are older will already be suffering memory loss due to aging and sometimes progressive loss of hearing and/or sight.

Diagnosing dementia is often difficult, particularly in the early stages. The general doctor is the first person to consult. The doctor may then refer the person being diagnosed to a specialist such as a consultant. Assessments can include conversations with the person being diagnosed and those close to them, a physical examination, memory tests and/or brain scans. The Mini Mental State Examination (MMSE) is the most commonly used test for complaints of memory problems or when a diagnosis of dementia is being considered.

Even if the diagnosis is dementia, there is lots that can be done after a diagnosis to support someone to live well with the condition. There is support available from organisations such as Alzheimer’s society, Dementia UK, and NHS services. Your grandma may also want to think about driving, health, legal decisions, working, money and benefits. Planning for the future can make things easier to manage later on so take advantage of all the advice, services and support available to you.

There are also some things you and your family can do to make things easier for your grandma:

It is very important to focus on what the person still does have, not on what they may have lost. It is also important to focus on what the person feels rather than what they remember.

If the person finds verbal communication difficult, speak slightly more slowly and use simple words and sentences. Be more aware of the tone you adopt.

A person with dementia may use their behaviour and body language to communicate, such as gestures, eye contact and facial expressions. Non-verbal communication is important, and the person with dementia can notice or pick up on expressions and gestures.

Try to maintain eye contact. This will help the person focus on you.

Try to avoid sudden movements and tense facial expressions, as these may cause upset or distress.

Try not to stand too close or stand over someone when communicating - it may make them feel intimidated.

Make sure the person is included in conversations. Try not to speak on their behalf, complete sentences for them or allow others to exclude them.

Listen to the person. Give them plenty of time, remove distractions like background noise and try to work out the meaning they are trying to convey. The message may be about feelings, not just facts.

Avoid asking too many direct questions. Consider giving the person options or asking questions with a yes or no answer.

Do things together - try to do things with the person rather than for them when offering assistance.

Focus on things the person can do, rather than those they can't.

Offer help in a supportive way.

Try to be patient, allowing plenty of time for tasks and offering reassurance, praise and encouragement.

Break down tasks into smaller, more manageable steps.

Try to adapt tasks to take account of particular difficulties. If the person is happy, keep doing the things they enjoy - just differently. Focus more on the process rather than the completion of a task.

I’m really glad that you have the support of a counsellor, and I think that your family circumstances are something that is worth bringing up with them. Sometimes people become angry because they have a lot of other emotions that they don’t know how to handle. Hopefully by accessing some professional help for your grandma, you and your family can find some respite and calm! Your grandma is very lucky to have you <3 Keep going lovely, and look after yourself. I know there’s been a lot of info on this post but if you have any thoughts, worries, or questions, then please do send another ask! We are always here for you :)

It’s going to be okay,