#mgpam

heheheh, heheheh, HEHHEHEHE- (diez happily)

I remembered MGPAM exists back in February and thanks to the internet, I got to watch all those episodes. Looking back, this cartoon was dark beneath all the absurdist humor, but the ending was something else. Here goes me trying to explain their situation. Chances are I missed something of note, so lemme know if I did.

This ordinary world has an anthro animal problem. Where they came from, who knows, but the their animal instincts, or lack thereof, are all over the place, which makes them chaotic. So, one solution people adopted, in this case their city, was to just keep them in zoos and have them relearn being wild at animal schools. Which obviously isn't working. They can leave the zoos, but they're limited with what they can do, and whether the humans they encounter care?

I can't be 100% with this idea, because MGPAM never took itself too seriously. Plus, Pixiefrog was shown to be living in a swamp in season 2, but then the zoo for the finale? Seems the zoo idea didn't happen until later. The confinement thing is concrete though and it's fucked up. Show went from being about being the odd one out in school to commentary on class discrimination. Wasn't expecting to see a good lesson at the very end with Adam, either (put your mind to it and you can be anything you want).

THIS DIARY BELONGS TO: JOHN LION.

Back off, I'll take you on Headstrong to take on anyone

- Trapt, Headstrong.

We got our report cards for the semester earlier this week. I wasn’t sure what I’d get. Me and the fellas skipped school a lot this semester, but we also did a lot of catching up. Mr. Mandrill helped us out there. But I was sure we wouldn’t do too bad. I don’t know anybody at the zoo who got held back a grade. How we do grades is lax compared to the humans.

In case any humans read this, animal schools don’t use letter grades. We use friendly symbols that kinda gauge how well we did. Something about the positivity being better for the students. I could feel it, alright, when I opened my envelope that morning. One of the better ones you can get? Rainbows. And to my surprise, I got straight rainbows!!! That’s never happened to me before… And probably won’t again. When I peak, I don’t keep the momentum, usually. Because I’m not trying to peak. Not even when it comes to our music. When I’m on the drums, or occasionally, the guitar, I just memorize the notes and let it happen.

Frankie tried to crack a joke about me liking rainbows, because rainbows and girliness and uh, the other g-word (we got nothing against them, Mr. Mandrill). Then I saw all the pickles on his report card and brought it up (Frankie, though, was asking for it). Carmine was howling like a wolf. Frankie was fuming like a steam train. He walked right into that one! Carmine was smart not to try me, because his report card was half doggie biscuits. If anything, I thought he’d be the one getting straight rainbows. He’s our smart guy.

Lyon got his first report card at our school. Frankie and I have a mythology class with his friend, Slips Python, and he was talkin’ ‘bout his reaction. Adam did good, cause he’s a smartypants, but couldn’t tell. Kid was wildly confused by the symbols. Not just because he didn’t know what each grade meant but you know, cause human schools use those boring letter grades. Now, I see why they use us animals for their entertainment. They wouldn’t know fun if it bit them like Slips. Not that he ever bites, I think. You’d have to be a fiend to make him snap. Like Larry Raccoon, the only student to ever be expelled from the school, according to Mr. Mandrill. Even he wouldn’t counsel Larry when he became really bad.

While complaining about stuff, like he tends to do, Adam realized something about our grading system. Something the rest of the school became aware of soon after. Guess we were three of the last, because the next day, while we were in music class, the boys and I were the only students using the instruments. We didn’t notice until Phillip Zebra, one of the failed standups, chucked a xylophone at us, and said the rest of the class was trying to sleep. The teacher tried waking everyone, but they were out. The fellas and I even tried, because we didn’t wanna be quiet. The best part of our music class, or just music, is getting loud! Then, the whole class threw instruments at us, and we spent the rest of that period pulling Carmine out from a tuba.

So, what was going on? We found out next class. Lyon found out we could just sleep through our classes and still get good grades. Because uh, as much more fun as our grade system is, no student is left behind. I heard the humans have a program like that, by a guy named after bushes, but it’s not as forgiving as ours. But, apart from music class, Carmine and Frankie didn’t refuse. So, they spent the rest of the school day napping with the rest of the students. Ignoring the teachers, who couldn’t do anything, other than threaten slightly less pretty grades on our next report card.

Here was my problem, though. I actually like a couple other of my classes. I’m in Japanese 2 right now, and something about that language stimulates my brain. Carmine called me a weeaboo for saying that, like I bring a katana with me on the subway train. Nah, that’s Frankie, who I saw talking anime with Margaret on more than one occasion after the Pretties broke up with us. PE’s also been our favorite since we started going to school. We were supposed to be playing soccer out in the field this week, but Carmine and Frankie just wanted to sleep under the bleachers. My bros hung me out to dry! So, I had to pretend to be asleep, just so I didn’t stick out like a sore paw.

Well, that didn't last long, before Principal Pixiefrog stepped in. A bunch of students doing nothing all day would probably hit school funding somewhere. So, the next day, he made the announcement. My rainbows were being replaced for real letter grades. I was so bummed! More than the time I thought I found a bunch of money somebody threw in the trash. Then, Carmine and Frankie told me it was fake money they sell at the dollar store. I doubted I’d get straight rainbows again, but I was thinking of trying next semester for two in a row!

But like with the sleeping trend, I was behind on the eight ball on this one, too. The moment the letter grades were implemented, Carmine and Frankie got all competitive about their performance. Extremely competitive. Specifically, in music class. This wasn’t them wanting to show they’re the best, though. Garson spoke about this behavior once around me. How sometimes, the zoo animals will view competition like this, and anyone who outperforms them, as a threat. But I wasn’t feeling any of that, and it's far from the first time. Come to think of it, I mentioned how I don’t ever to Garson. He said he wasn’t surprised. I told him he shouldn’t be surprised if somebody from the state deems him unfit to be a zookeeper anymore! Or, maybe he already has been, but still kept the job. Carmine believes Garson is only still here because nobody else wants to zookeep us.

So, there was this uneasy peace in the classroom for a little while. But it was a Mexican standoff, like in these Hong Kong action movies I nabbed once. The good, the bad, and the ugly, all staring each other down. So, that Laura Owl girl plucked a string on a violin, the whole class dogpiled her. And approximately twenty-eight seconds later, the school plunged into chaos.

The other students weeded out the smart ones, like Lyon or Laura or Humphrey Bear with the bowlcut. The dumb students chased them across the school to do what exactly, I don’t know. We certainly didn’t while we chased the Spiffies across one of the school courtyards, until they got away from us. Must have slipped into that sewer system that runs beneath the school. It’s where the boys and I hide when we have to. Like this one time Bobby was brought to school for early high school seminars. We weren’t in those last year, but Bobby went out his way to track us down and give chase. And he’ll try again when we have the class later this school year.

Anyway, I was pretending to be feeling threatened. I got real in character, acting hyperaggressive and taking the lead and all that. Because if I acted suspiciously, even the slightest bit, Carmine and Frankie would dogpile me next. Which would make no sense, because they’re always calling me the dumb one! But if they started jumping on me, other students would be, too, so what choice did I have?

We found the Spiffies a few minutes later. Actually, the entire school did. Marvin, the sweaty pig, whipped out a calculator and spewed something about graphing, pies and the fifth power. One of the geekiest things I’ve seen all year. So, within five seconds, everybody had homed in on the Spiffies, and Lyon, who was with them, like the odd day they actually have something good in the cafeteria. They were completely surrounded and there was no talking their way out. Not even if they yammered about algebra or calculus or whatnot.

But that Lyon kid really is something else. His friend, Jake, told everybody to get him, but Lyon outed him as a smarty, too, by asking what he got on his report card. Straight rainbows. Just like what I got. I didn’t look, but I could feel Carmine and Frankie’s eyes, deadlocked on me on either side. The walls were closing in on me.

At first, I thought I could just play dumb and fake not noticing, then slip away. Lyon was calling out all of his friends for having something that made them smart. He even busted Bull for his knowledge of bullying. All 98 methods of them. That went right out the window, because after those guys, Lyon started outing smart kids from the crowds left and right. Every kid he pointed out was pushed into the center with Lyon and the Spiffies. All of them rebranded as smart kid meat.

I knew that if I didn’t clear out in a few seconds, he’d point at me, and I'd be meat in the pile. Lyon was making room for me to escape, but there was no creeping out of this. Not with Carmine and Frankie still looking at me. Also, the whole situation was putting pressure on me. Sometimes, I can’t take that pressure. So, in the moment, I settled on just turning on my heels and running. I’m the strongest out of the three of us. I thought I could plow right through them, and anybody else who tried to stop me.

Only, I must have made it obvious in my body language. Because when I tried to turn and run, the boys blocked my path with themselves. Before I could try shoving them aside, they’d already grabbed me by both arms. I struggled, but I might be the single strongest, but Carmine and Frankie aren’t far behind, and their combined strength meant they had me locked down. “Nice try,” Carmine said. “You thought you were getting off the hook, rainbow boy?” Frankie taunted. Oh yeah, he was still hung up about my pickle joke.

We must have made a scene, because Lyon and his friends noticed us when there were still a lot of other kids around us. Including Slips who uh, I mentioned my report card to. “Hey, John got straight rainbows, too,” he called me out. “He told me in mythology class yesterday!” And before I could even plead my case, the boys shoved me into the center. “Sorry, Johnny boy,” Carmine apologized, quote-en-quote, while Frankie crossed his arms and smirked.

But I already had my comeback locked and loaded. I stood back up, pointed a finger at them and raised my voice. “Yeah? And who’s two of the top three in advanced hunting AND music class?” I reminded them, for the whole student body to hear. The boys didn’t walk into this one and boast, but they knew the answer. The remaining kids’ eyes were all giving them the deadlock stare then. Someone right behind Carmine and Frankie pushed them forward into the pile with the rest of the smart kids. I was the one smirking, while the boys were turned away, grumbling, unable to admit they got played!

A few seconds later, Lyon and his friends had outed the last of us as smart in some way. Well, everyone except Henry Armadillo. AKA, the biggest punching bag in the school. As annoying as he can be, though, he beats the guy he replaced. Henry was exchanged with Alistair Tiger, an egotistic jock a hundred times more annoying than Henry, Jake and the everyday zoogoers combined. He was a white tiger, so zoogoers loved him and pampered this ego. He'd be like oh yeah, that’s professional this, I'm professional that. Can’t stand that word, even when he’s been long gone!

Another twenty-eight seconds later. Henry wanted to get to the beatdown, when Lyon figured he’d finished outing the smart kids. He hadn’t bothered to turn around and realize he was the only stupid kid left. It was funny, though. Henry is on Adam's tier of the odd one out. Also, the posse and I mistake him for a soccer ball or football sometimes. Turns out, us stupid animals aren't so stupid after all. Lyon might be a whiner, but turns out he has his moments. It wasn't even a fluke, because well, the Pretties and Joanie. Who was labelled as smart because of her extensive knowledge of plants (she tried to feed me some when we were together).

I was right beside Lyon when he said knowledge really is power, and cheering with the others felt so good. Mostly because that mess was over and there was no way PF was keeping letter grades, even if we’d stopped destroying the school. Yeah, the other kids trashed the place. That was big money coming out of his pocket. Oh yeah, and Henry ran off before admitting defeat and frolicking off. At least he ain't a sore loser, like Carmine and Frankie can be sometimes. {John is a major sore loser, too. You should've seen him when Constance stomped him in dartboard at the restaurant} I KNOW YOU WROTE THAT, CARMINE. And just for safe measure… I might have written a threat to sue the school and presented it to PF. Not gonna lie, it wasn’t formal at all. Just convincing enough to scare PF into his desk pond and assure the oppression of the letter grades would never return. And while I was at it, I suggested adding some new symbols, because we could use more. And I marched out his office, knowing my mission was accomplished. Which caused me to not look where I was going, and fall into a river.

But I didn’t bribe him into giving me straight rainbows next semester. I earned my title as a straight rainbow student, even if it was by accident. If I pull it again, it’s not because I’m a cheater! Most of the time. I promise I’m doing it even less, Mr. Mandrill.

Everything’s going back to normal, but Frankie was still salty about the pickle joke. Carmine knew it and rubbed salt in the wound. I wanted to make it up to Frankie, so uh, I reminded Carmine about his doggie biscuit grades. Frankie got a good laugh out of it and we started calling Carmine a dog and barked at him, because he’s not a dog person. And that's how Frankie and I made up.

Only now, it was Carmine who was mad at me. Unlike Frankie, though, who was sulking about it, Carmine got back at me earlier this morning. The moment I stepped in our homeroom, I was put in a tuba and all I could hear was Carmine’s voice, laughing and telling me that's what I get. But he doesn’t stay mad at stuff like this for long. Once he got his payback, we were cool again in time for PE. We owned every team Coach Gills, our fish gym teacher (I don't know why) versed us and Frankie with in soccer, like always.

Man, am I glad the rainbows will be back. I still don’t care how girly they are. Or g-word.

THIS DIARY BELONGS TO: FRANKIE LION.

Who never ever learned to read or write so well But he could play a guitar just like a-ringin' a bell

- Chuck Berry, Johnny B. Goode.

Usually, I write whatever for these diary entries, because I gotta. But this is the first time I actually wanna say something. Since the day John almost accidentally shaved my head. He had to forget how much effort goes into my mohawk. I don’t risk looting the good hair products, just for John to ruin it, because he’s clumsy with electric razors. Or clumsy in general. That survival class he takes isn’t electoral.

Earlier today, the posse and I had a substitute teacher in advanced hunting. I guess since we’re lions and so good at it, they gave us an entire period to ourselves, so students don’t feel bad. This sub clearly didn’t wanna be there. She was a prey species, with an addiction to those public access shows. So, when class was in session, she just turned on the TV in the corner of the room and said we could do whatever.

We knew how to spend that period. It’s ninety minutes long. More than enough time to sneak out, mess around in the city, and be back before music class. That one, we never want to miss. I don’t mean to brag–okay, I do–but me and the boys are whizzes in music. We can play great, and sing great. I’m the best singer, though. Carmine’s the best rapper, he deserves that title, but when it comes to straight singing, that’s my place. Everyone in that class is jealous of our talent, our skills, and our chemistry. Outside music class, however, instruments are hard to come by, or keep in one piece. 

While we were out, the boys and I wanted to stop by this one music shop. It has no cameras, and the staff are the type of humans who become hypnotized because they think we’re cute. So much, they’ll let us take a couple things at a time without paying. House cats really warped how humans view us lions, to our benefit.

We slipped out through the double doors that lead to the staff parking lot. Bull Sharkowski’s little lackeys were hanging out there, Brandon Capybara and Harry Bat. A pair of punks who’d be nothing without their boss. We ran past them and out of nowhere, Brandon shouted, “hey, Pride Posse! Where you goin’? To make out with each other?”

Every now and then, someone hits us with a joke like this. The gay lion coalition jabs. We weren’t having it, especially from a grunt like Brandon. The boys and I spent a good minute pummeling him. Harry flew off, because Brandon had it coming and what could he do to stop us?

I had no idea what possessed him to say that. Not until Carmine asked us, while we were taking out picks from the music shop. The staff just fawned over us the whole time, again. Then, John remembered something he heard the day before. Brandon was boasting about his new girlfriend. Explains why he got cocky. But get this, his girl is an online girlfriend. He hasn’t even seen her face! Chances are she’s a catfish. Or worse, a real catfish! John learned that the hard way, when he once chatted with a so-called cougar.

But, Brandon’s patheticness made us realize something. None of us have had a girlfriend. Not because we do swing that way, but I suppose we’ve just been busy doing our things. And there are actually no lionesses who attend our school. Not even tigresses. That was great, because if Brandon’s online girlfriend became serious, I’d be going into high school a freshman without a past girlfriend. It’d be like grade school, with Bobby Lion all over again. Before Carmine and John established dominance. Only this time, we’re not fighting cubs and pups.

We returned to hunting class with a heavy tow and twenty minutes to spare. All of which we spent brainstorming who could be our future girlfriends. A lot of students wanna be us, but we drew blanks on who wanted to be with us.

When music class rolled in, I came up with something. We tried playing music our girl classmates love. Carmine had a go at some poppy hiphop with an acoustic guitar. Some of the girls liked it, but weren’t interested. I tried some of the romantic punk songs from my collection and uh, nobody cared. John, of course, didn’t get the memo and shook the classroom with death metal. He grabbed one girl’s attention, Laura Owl. One of the geekiest girls in the school.

I couldn’t even tell John his idea stank, because at least he attracted somebody. My love life was looking worse than Principal Pixiefrog. Every guy in the school faculty has dated Windsor Gorilla’s mom, even PF, but that still counted. 

We were so embarrassed by lunchtime. I could barely eat the meat we packed (bought something from Mrs. Tusk’s kitchen in sixth grade. Never again). Carmine and I were reassessing our options in desperation, when I spotted a bunch of students and staff in a line that stretched into the hall. It started at Lyon and his friends’ table, where this giant sign flashed overhead, reading THE LOVE DOCTOR IS IN! It had a big arrow, pointing at Lyon.

Earlier that day, Lyon set up his friend Lupe, the really annoying toucan with the accent, in a happy relationship with a random parrot. She and her boyfriend, Corey Vulture, must’ve broken up again. They’re on and off. I think they’re on breakup four or five now. From what he could see, Lyon turned out to be some kind of love guru. Otherwise, why was half the school flocking to him for a date? And the three of us were super desperate. So uh, we might’ve gotten in line. We spent about twenty minutes waiting, before we reached Lyon’s table. He wasn’t excited to see us, but he took our money when Jake told us we had to pay, and got it over with. He thought for a few seconds, then matched us with the Pretties.

We actually forgot about those girls. None of us have had classes with them since seventh grade, when John shared a Japanese class with Margaret Rhinoceros. Who was also the girl Lyon paired me with. I knew nothing about her until a second later, because the Pretties were close behind us in line. We heard them running before we saw them, then felt them pick us up to bear hug us out of breath.

Margaret had me in hers and was like, “oh, you’re Frankie? I remember you from last year’s talent show! Your singing was awesome! I love your hair. Did you do it yourself?” She was flooding me with questions. And I loved it. “Oh yeah. Margaret, right? Me and my boys felt real proud of that show. I actually forgot some of the notes, so I winged it. Still turned out great, I know. Oh yeah, I made this hairdo all by myself. You’re looking snazzy, too.”

Margaret got all flustered from that compliment. Just as much as I was. And next thing we know, we were riding on their shoulders all over the school.

Let me tell you, I wasn’t expecting us to get along as good as we did. She likes anime as much as I do. It’s harder for her to watch it, because her family only has one television in their exhibit, that everybody uses. I promised her if she ever stopped by our exhibit, she could watch it on the TV I stole for myself. She’s into some of the genres we make. We’ve had our first fan, right under our noses. She wants to win the next prom queen contest. I’ve been wanting to score prom king before I finish middle school. I couldn’t do that with any girl, but Margaret isn’t any girl. We both believe we have the looks, and we could snatch the coolest outfits from the mall. Me and the boys might be lions, but we’re not adults yet. We’re not that strong yet, not even John’s iron skull. We can’t break into everything. But with the Pretties on our side, we could!

Carmine and John were kicking it off with their girls, too. Carmine had butterflies in his stomach, and not literally this time. But he got over it when Latanya complimented his piercing and hat. Then, he was beaming, showing off and calling Latanya baby girl. Dropping a couple bars, because they’re both hiphop kids, that she found to be fire. Joanie and John were a match, too. One’s a valley girl, the other is a metalhead who head-thrashed half his brain cells out his skull, but uh, they’re both not the brightest of our posses. Joanie was treating John kind of like that stuffed lion he has back at our exhibit. He cherishes that thing, so it’s the last of his old toys that didn’t become a chew toy. Joanie gladly threw him a month’s supply of those.

Joanie wasn’t so much into John’s favorite genres of music, but John might be a metalhead, but he’ll take a liking to the most random genres. Like the girly pop music she played on her battery radio. Carmine and I tried so hard not to laugh. Margaret did, too, but Latanya didn’t find it funny. She asked what Carmine had against it, and he knew better not to argue. Just straightened himself up and apologized. Then Latanya had him sing one of the songs with her. And dance, but the hallway we were hanging out in started to shake, and that orangutan art teacher threatened detention if we didn’t leave.

You couldn’t separate us for the next few days. The girls visited our exhibit after school a couple times. I got to have Margaret watch some shows she’d been wanting to catch up on. She already knew some parts, because she’d read the manga. I didn’t even know those anime came from books. Which sparked a trip to the mall. The girls have money, but not a lot. None of the zoo animals get that much. So, we also got to have the girls assist in nabbing some stuff from the inventories of certain shops. Distract cashiers and employees, or hide from them behind our girls, while we swiped stuff off shelves. Carmine glamoured up Latanya with what they took. Joanie gave John the most expensive bath I think the zoo’s ever seen. Was necessary, because John’s never bathed enough. Margaret set me up with manga for shows I knew, or never knew existed.

The boys and I are on the school soccer team. The other day, we had a match with some humans from Lyon’s old school. What were the adults thinking, pitting their kids against us? Okay, they had some kids who knew how to play, but we got a lead and kept it all game. The Jungle Squad, the CDMS cheerleaders, cheered us on, and guess who was part of them? Our girls. They were hyping us up even more than we were hyping the crowd with our moves. Even Latanya made Carmine, our goalie, sound cool.

After we swept those twerps, we all stopped by this ice cream vendor not far from the school. Margaret was gushing about how I carried the game. John and I are equals at soccer, but I did better this time. John argued against it, but I reminded him somebody was recording the match. The cameras don’t lie. Carmine told us to pipe it, and John reminded him about being the goalie. Then, Carmine had Latanya hold his ice cream while he trickshot John across the street with a soccer ball, and said, “not because I can’t kick.” John already scarfed his cone down, but Joanie bought him another because that kick left him aching.

Though, I confessed to Margaret I wasn’t so sure how well I could do, going in. Then, I was wondering what the crowd thought of my performance, without the Jungle Squad making us sound good. Then, I started worrying, because my rep matters to me. Turns out Margaret’s is too, because she started worrying what the crowd thought of her cheerleading. She’s been anxious deep down, ever since Lyon botched a report on rhinos that mistook her for a rare species. Her got her hopes up and crushed them. It's like if I were mistaken for, like, a barbary lion, getting painted up to be one, and then it turns out I’m just another African lion!

But yeah, Margaret and I? We really do have a lot in common. It's like I've known her since we were moved to Glendale, but we only just started talking. It's hard to explain. I just know we got a good thing going on.

We were feeling on top of the world. We’re one of the most respected students in school, and now we had some of the coolest girls dating us. After crushing in that soccer match we were feeling kinda invincible. We would be going into freshman year at MPWH with so much under our belt (well, my belt, because Carmine and John don’t wear those), we’d be bullyproof! Yep, we had all we wanted. Until this morning.

Me and the boys woke up at dawn. The girls get up early, cause they like hanging out or buffeting before school. And Garson was drinking yesterday. So much, he passed out in the zookeeper’s lodge. We didn’t need to check to be sure he was hung over. Garson wasn’t coming out until noon. Knowing that, we’d set the alarm clocks on our phones to five. We had free rein around the zoo with our girlfriends, with no worries of being rounded up.

We tracked them down with my nose. I lent Margaret one of my favorite hairspray cans the day before, and she'd used it this morning. My nose led us to this human restaurant inside the zoo. They have these huge windows on the front and sides, so human patrons can watch the nearby exhibits. But they serve the zoo animals, too. We saw the girls at a table beside the front windows, placing orders to the twenty-something human waitress, Constance. She’s actually cool, for a human. Unlike the chef, this anxious wreck named Hewie, who’s fresh out of some culinary school. He doesn’t mistreat us, but he’s really annoying. Spazzes out over the littlest thing. The Pretties order half the menu when they dine there, so, when we entered, Hewie was having a panic attack in the back, dropping pots and pans.

The girls noticed us coming in and called us over. It was cozy on the benches, but we made it work. Once we were sat down, we were ready to hang, but uh. What I was getting at earlier. The girls were meaning to talk to us today. We didn’t see it coming at all, so we thought they were just as excited to see us. Then, Latanya broke it to us.

“You boys are great, but me and the girls feel like we’re going too fast,” she told us. I’ve never seen a smile on Carmine’s fast drop so fast.

Of course, John wasn’t sure what she meant, so Joanie spent it out for him. “We don’t think we’re ready for relationships yet,” she told him.

“We’re so sorry,” Margaret apologized to me. “I hope you understand.” They had some good points, but she spoke so sincerely, I would’ve believed her just off that.

They also went into the details. As much as the girls were enjoying it, they got some advice from Latanya’s mother, Gloria. Me and the boys thought Gloria thought we were bad news. Didn’t want them around us, because we’re lions. But she actually had no problem with us. She just said what Latanya said, about rushing into it. Also, that they we all are a bit too young to be diving head first into, from what she’s seen, was becoming a serious relationship. I figured she’d noticed us the other day. We were hanging outside our exhibits while Garson guided a class of elementary school humans. Since our parties were on opposite ends of the zoo, we weren’t trying to be quiet.

On second thought, our relationships had been moving pretty fast. Me and the boys weren’t thinking much of it. We were just letting it happen, I guess. But looking at what I just wrote, maybe she does have a point. We were just off to an amazing start, and it was our first real love. But all of us are only fourteen. But we’re not little kids anymore… I don’t know.

I don’t have to say it. We were whiplashed and heartbroken. Carmine tried to play it off like it was cool. But even he wasn’t prepared for this. He was hiding his face with his cap. He does that when he’s upset, but doesn’t wanna show it.

“You don’t need to do all that, Carmine,” Latanya assured him. “We’re still cool.”

That made John and I shoot up. He said, “you still wanna hang out with us?”

“Of course,” Joanie answered like we should’ve known. “You guys are some of the coolest kids in the school, besides us.” That put a smile back on John’s face. 

We were still upset, but not enough to leave. We stuck around and chatted with the girls. Even with the breakup, we had a nice time. Joanie and John gossiped about the faculty. Carmine and Latanya talked about sports. Mostly football, which Latanya’s been getting into (I’m sorry, John, who's also into football). Margaret and I talked prom again. We might not be together anymore, but we still want to be king and queen. When Constance brought our orders out, Hewie was actually calming down, because he got it all perfect. Then, John faked his shake he ordered tasting funny. Hewie flipped out, and you should’ve seen his face when John said he was kidding. The girls and us, even Constance, broke out laughing!

So, we were over. For now? But you know what? Us and the Pretties lasted days longer than the other failed relationships. And we didn’t leave it on a bad note. None of us noticed this before, because we were too busy having fun. Most of the kids who took Lyon’s advice were asking for refunds. He wasn’t really a love guru, and all that happened because of some stupid accident with the parrot. Who wasn’t even sapient like us, and he was Jake's pet!

Even then, we wound up not asking Lyon for our money back. The money was well spent, even if that kid was pairing us at random and got lucky. Because we got lucky.

Mr. Mandrill swung by our table today at lunch. Somehow, he knew the whole story. Gregory and Kaku must have been spying on us, like they do. We don’t think they even got a date. Meanwhile, we landed the best matchup. Maybe they’ll be the ones making out with each other? But, Mandrill didn’t say much about us and the Pretties. We expected some crummy advice, but he just told us, “keep navigating your feelings at our own pace. All this is normal for animals your age.". This sorting out hasn’t felt bad so far, so maybe he’s right for once?

I had to ask about his love life. I’ve never even heard of Mr. Mandrill in a relationship. He admitted he hasn’t been in one in forever, but is looking. He looked away and smiled this smile. The type that said he has his eyes on someone. Oh, boy. We have no clue who he could be interested in, or who might be interested in him. But none of us have felt nosy enough to sniff around. That, and we’ve still got heat on us for making Lyon almost leave the school.

What a week. I never thought what love might feel like. It feels… amazing. But it hurts when it’s over. “Welcome to heartbreak,” Carmine told me. I could tell Carmine was hurt the most, no matter how hard he pretended. I couldn't hide my heartbreak if I tried. Being in the same zoo as her makes it a little better. If we make up, we’re just a minute of me skateboarding through the exhibits away from each other. That’s assuming we get back together at all. If not, we're still friends.

And girlfriend or not, talking with her has been sweet. It’s nice to find someone who gets you, you know? And I think Margaret feels the same.