#mfcal

A: You know, you could've rang first.

C: You owe me.

A: God... I thought you lot had it sorted.

C: When did it start?

A: I thought Isla told you it was a one time thing.

C: Arthur. I need a real fucking answer.

A: ... I told you not to marry her...

C: Fuck!

That wasn't the answer I expected. Never in all my life did I think he'd say that. He'd only said it outright once... The morning of the wedding... Fucking hell.

A: What about your ring?

C: Don't tell me it means something to you now.

I: You've been quiet the past few days... I'm glad you've stopped drinking.

Isla kept talking even when I didn't say anything back. She always did that. I used to love it but the past four days it had wore on every nerve I'd had left.

I: Where's your ring?

C: I'll put it back on if the paternity test proves the kid is mine.

She didn't have the chance to say a word before the doctor came in.

And a few days later I had my answer.

Derek: Fuckin OOF! ... So the kid wasn't yours?

I shook my head, avoiding looking up from my water.

Phoebe grabbed my arm the second she saw me, yanking me back to the toilets. I fumbled after her. Even sober I couldn't keep my feet under me very well. It made me wonder why I hadn't gotten a drink before.

I should have brought a flask.

P: Some effort would have been nice. Honestly, a lawyer can only do so much when you show up like this. What were you thinking?

Marty followed behind. I didn't meet his eyes.

C: I don't really care what happens...

M: Yes you do.

C: No. I don't.

Phoebe yanked my jacket from my grasp and handed it to Marty while she poked and prodded my face and hair.

P: You look like death.

C: And it can take me.

M: You don't mean that.

C: Yes. I do.

I looked at Marty. I shouldn't have. All I saw was pity.

C: What, Marty? Worried your fiancee will cheat too?

M: No. I'm worried about my brother! Have you met him? Warm, kind, worth looking up to!

C: Reality hit. There's nothing left.

I growled the words at him.

P: Enough. Button your shirt.

C: Arthur wouldn't.

I hated his name. Hated myself. Hated everything. I was nothing. Not even worth Marty's pity, no matter how much it ripped me open. He'd never look up to me again. My father's eyes matched his.

P: Button your fucking shirt Cal.

The second we walked out I saw her and my insides hollowed out, dragging me down deeper than I thought possible.

She was wearing that dress... I bought her that dress.

She wore that dress to our fucking divorce.

Next>>

It had been a while since I'd taken a shower without rushing through it, afraid of the thoughts that entered my mind regardless. I brushed my hair... I still looked fucking awful.

Derek Warner was a legend in the YouTube community. He had over 2 million subscribers and somehow he'd found my videos and reached out to me. It was fucking surreal. He offered to pay me a solid amount of money for every song I played with him. I guess his usual bassist fucked off more often than finishing a track.

I wasn't going to question Derek much. My own subscriber count skyrocketed after the first video. It actually was getting me more money for my shit 'how to' videos whether Derek was involved or not.

On top of paying me, Derek was a friendly fucker. It was impossible not to get along with him, even in my shittiest of moods.

He'd sent a text letting me know he'd wired my payment for the last track. It hadn't even been a day.

D: Money's there! Thanks for the quick turn around man!

C: Any time.

D: How's your night going?

Deep breath.

C: My ex came by today. It's a fucked situation. How's your afternoon?

I'd never mentioned the divorce to him...

D: Ah shit! Want to talk about it? I've got nothing going on.

C: Do you really want to hear my fucking sob story?

D: We've all got exes. You know you can talk to me.

C: She cheated and she wants me to take her back. And I just can't fucking do it.

D: Don't. Been there, took her back, she cheated again. Wasted my time.

C: Thanks

D: How long were you together?

C: Six years

D: Shit! Did you meet in high school?

C: Yeah. Thought she was perfect in every way.

D: No one ever is... I'm sorry Cal. That shit sucks.

C: I need a fucking Reset My Life button.

The December snowfall just brought back memories of last year... Fuck... Would this feeling ever go away?

With my part of the song recorded, I had nothing else to do the rest of the day.

The back door clicked open. My dad was at work. I wish it had been him...

C: What the fuck are you doing here?

I: You still keep the door unlocked...

C: For family...

I: I wanted to talk without the lawyers...

C: That's sounds like a shit idea. Where's the kid?

I: My mom's watching her... So we can talk...

She started sobbing and I instinctively went her. In the back of my head I knew better. I was going to regret this. My lawyer had said not to speak to her without him.

I: Cal, I can't do this without you! I want you back!

C: Isla... We've been through this... You lied to me...

I: I just want to start again... Please!

I: We could be a family!

C: Get out...

I: Cal...

C: I mean it. Leave.

I: I just want everything to be okay again...

C: Please go...

God fucking damn it...

Next>>

♪♫I've said it once, I've said it twice I've said it a thousand fucking times That I'm OK, that I'm fine, that it's all just in my mind But this has got the best of me, and I can't seem to sleep It's not 'cause you're not with me, it's 'cause you never leave♫♪

Fuck... I owed another track to my YouTuber friend...

Might as well get it done... Derek at least paid me well for playing with him and lawyers were fucking expensive.