#mew posts things

“That” me doesn’t love the things I used to love, but you’ll see what I’m into now as I gradually reblog things. I still cherish the memories of the PEOPLE I associate with the things I’ve moved on from, and I hope most of you are still here to say hi!

Lately. Like. It really just feels like I’ve been kind of moving away from actually *giving advice* to other people. Like... I don’t feel like it’s my place to even suggest things that will help them anymore, no matter what the problem is. Whether it’s health-related, or dealing with anger, or grief or whatever. I can’t help anyone anymore and I don’t know how to process that. I’m dealing with a lot of hurt and lost feelings inside right now, because this isn’t how I usually do things. Normally, the person I actually am, I’m just so, like, open and giving and just bursting with suggestions on how to fix this or that, and I’m usually the first to rush to help them. But I just think that maybe I’m not all that good at it anymore and like I should kind of back off from it, maybe until I learn how to be good at it again or maybe permanently, I don’t know. I don’t know and I can’t fix myself and stop thinking like that. I don’t mean that I want to stop *listening* to people or stop being friends/friendly to them, stop loving them, none of that. I just think the time has come for me to step back, let them figure it out. It’s not up to me to fix them, especially if I have no legal qualifications. And having *been* that person for so long, I’m really out of my element in making this decision. I’ve been this same person since I was probably fourteen or fifteen years old. I’m turning 28 in a month and a half. And I’ve been watching helplessly as sad friends continue to be sad, or angry friends continue to be angry. It’s truly starting to take a toll on me, and I want to be done. I’m not sure why it’s just now having any truly debilitating effects on me. But tonight and the last few nights, I’m just so so so tired. The point is, finally, I’m learning how to say, “I’m sorry that happened” or “That sucks, feel better soon,” that kind of thing, instead of offering to help. It hurts not to step up anymore, but I’m not sure if that’s the weight of my decision talking, or the weight of not making the decision sooner, like, a long time ago.

I’m referring to this fic, by this person. HALP. http://ao3feed--kylux.tumblr.com/post/143269080118/blue-milkshake

My mom and I are on the way to go pick up Sushi! I’m literally gonna cry because I love my best friend and I can’t wait to spent THREE NIGHTS FOUR DAYS TOGETHER!

P.S., I am Kylo Ren trash.