#metanoia16

Everything changed after what happened. You lied to me for 14 years, and there goes my guard. I decided I wanted better for myself for the future. That was step one. But it most definitely wasn’t easy to fulfill that step as a 15 year old girl.

For these last 4 years, I avoided having that conversation just because I know it would affect the way I thought about the future.. But at this point, everything’s almost over anyways so I didn’t care to have this conversation.

“By age 26, I’ll be out of college.. And honestly, I hope I’m settled down. I hope I can find you again.”

fuck fuck fuck my little emotional heart

Just thinking about the fact that I’m so close to starting the next step to my life is so exciting. I’m almost there. I’m one step closer to beginning life for myself. For my future family. And that’s the most exciting thing in the world for me. To know that one day I’ll be able to support myself and my own family

I came back home just now and then realized there were pieces of papers wrapped around these hangers. There was a streamer around it.. And it’s letters from my brother. 

It’s nice to know someone knows how I feel.. How I think.

The fact that we’re so open and send each other cute letters is so freaking cute. Like it seems to be a family thing lol

I so easily can genuinely say I’m happy.

Life got much better the moment I realized how much power I had once I was able to let go of everything that held me back.

Letting go of my negative thoughts, of all the resentment I’ve fault, and simply of the one I just couldn’t get off my mind.

By making the decision to let everything go, I simply became much happier. Less thoughts and insecurity, and just more self-love for myself. 

I’ve been so productive these last few days. I’ve been organizing everything, drinking more water, exercising, and all while I go out with my friends and have fun.

Seriously, this week started off so shitty. So much unnecessary “drama.” Unnecessary drama to situations that literally just hit home. Like literally “hit home.” All this to the point where I felt so done, so done to even try in school or even to just go on. Back to the feelings of Freshman year, and I didn’t understand why all this had to happen..

Then, today happened. I realized how happy I became as soon as I began to just let things go. I need to slowly eliminate the things that are holding me back from happiness and just move on. And in the moment I decided that, things suddenly got so much easier.

On top of that, just all these eventful things happening.. My Sadie’s asking, I got into SFSU. life is just great now.

Well, at least giving myself the satisfaction that I finally ended things. You're not my responsibility anymore, and I most definitely don't want you around as I'm trying to move on. Because all you do is hold me back.