Leon definitely got panic attacks after Raccoon City. From how he almost couldn’t breathe when telling Marvin about Elliot’s death, he was probably already panic attack-prone because of his chronic emotional suppression. The events of Raccoon City, of course, would’ve made him even more so. Additionally, him having to move to D.C. (which is what I assume happened after the government recruited him) would’ve fucked him up, because he didn’t even have any belongings—just himself and his demons.
Alone in a new place with trauma he doesn’t know what to do with, he can’t sleep. Operating on typically less than four hours of it, he tries to throw himself into work, but his colleagues see his young face and underestimate him. No one wants to offer an olive branch, so he’s mostly isolated. He’s also separated from Sherry, so he can’t even check on her, which makes his anxiety go up tenfold.
Around a couple months in, he starts getting panic attacks.
He hides whenever he feels them coming on—in the nearest closet, bathroom, what have you—because he knows, if one of his colleagues catches him, he’ll be the laughingstock of the office. They have no sympathy, and he has no sympathy for himself, either. He believes he deserves his panic attacks for everyone he couldn’t save. He thinks this must be the universe’s punishment for him.
When he’s at his apartment, he shoves himself into different corners, petrified and shaking because he doesn’t know whether he’s going to really die this time, because every time he gets an attack, it feels like the life is being choked out of him. He doesn’t even eat sometimes, too afraid to move and possibly trigger an attack. His immobility is further driven by the phantom fears of the monsters he faced in Raccoon City.
He’s eventually sent to a psychiatrist when his panic attacks start interfering with his training (which, of course, leads to more cold shoulders and even some bullying). The psychiatrist prescribes him some medication, which admittedly works, but because he’s afraid of getting addicted, he stops taking the pills and turns to alcohol instead, because it’s better to have a drink a few times a week than to become a drug addict, right?
Of course, we all know where that leads.
(Someone give this man a hug and a good therapist.)
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Thinking of Anders getting into Spirit Healing in the circle after being naturally adept at fire magic and not being able to stomach the smell of smoke without triggering flash backs to when he was taken.
Thinking of Anders evading capture longer because he doesn’t set up a campfire at night making him harder to track by traditional means making the phyllactery the only means.
Thinking of Anders setting fire to the darkspawn with his bare hands in his intro in Awakening and how terrified he must have been to cast without a staff, and how easily that magic came to him as a defense mechanism.
Thinking of Anders freezing cold and still stubbornly refusing to use a pyromancy spell to warm himself and getting odd looks from his fellow wardens about it. He makes a comment that he’s hot enough as it is.
Thinking of Anders in Dark Town reluctantly using a flame spell to light the lantern and Justice catching his hesitance immediately and it’s the first person (or spirit) he’s shared his fear of his own power with since Karl.
Thinking of Anders seeing a mage Hawke casting fire with the confidence of someone who has never burned their whole life down and assuming that flames have never cost them anything. Then later finding out their had to burn their lost sibling in haste during their flight from Lothering, and Anders falling even more in love with them than he’d been before.
Thinking of Anders watching the aftermath of the chantry explosion and seeing flames from debris in High Town and feeling 12 years old and afraid of the monster he was all over again.
Thinking of Anders learning of a Hawke left in the fade and setting fire to their home in anguish, sending their love to the side of the Maker as he’s left alone again.
We should talk more about the good parts of Pretty Derby because I'm tired of it getting clowned on as if everything good about Umamusume didn't start with that anime. Cinderella Gray wouldn't exist if that anime didn't exist. It's not a perfect show by far, I've mentioned some of my own issues with it, but I also love talking about what I love about Pretty Derby.
Season 1 has legit some of my most favorite moments of the whole franchise because of how unexpected those moments are in what is mostly a feel good wholesome (and very gay) series.
Like the way that everyone reacts to Suzuka's injury in the moment after the foreshadowing we get from Grass Wonder about how serious injuries to the legs can be. The fact that Special Week saves Suzuka is like come on, that is a peak moment.
And then you have the phone conversation between El Condor Pasa and Special Week, which fucked me up when I watched it and still does when I think about it, because here El is being all cheery and optimistic only to slowly lose all of her composure. Spe-chan does not know what to do, one of her friends is breaking down on the phone with her and she is just flummoxed on how to help or how to even process it. Like it really gives you that other side of winning and how it feels to want something so bad only to lose when you've been riding that high on victories.
And then the scene with Grass Wonder, for real everything about Grass and Spe-chan's rivalry and how one-sided it is because Special Week just does not have her head in the game. Grass is just SAVAGE when she comments on how she gave her all against Special Week and hoped she could have done the same for her. And really the way Special Week has to relearn her ambition and drive because she's become so hyperfocused on Suzuka and she has to recognize she is holding BOTH of them back in the process. Like I love that kind of unintentionally toxic codependency.
Everyone talks up about how great Season 2 is, and it is really good, but honestly, as much as I still enjoyed it, Teio and McQueen aren't who I got invested in. I was invested in Nice Nature who keeps trying so hard and yet never gets there and we see her progression of acceptance and growth from that in Season 3. I was locked in about Rice Shower and Mihono Bourbon. God Rice's arc in S2 is so much more interesting to me tbh than the "athlete is injured and has to keep battling their way back to their sport" storyline which was AMAZING but like we have seen it before. It's not a unique story for sports anime/media.
Rice Shower's story though. Now that is an entirely unique story. To be hated for winning when you wanted people to love you for succeeding. To feel like you are punished for doing the thing you are MEANT to do, to feel like you are a curse on others around you because you stop them from achieving their dreams by achieving your own. Also just Bourbon and Rice are the gayest somehow in the whole series. There is nothing straight about their relationship and how they are with each other. Ride or die MihoRice stan here.
And then there's Season 3. Season 3 that people criticize for "turning Kitasan Black into an underdog when she shouldn't be" but I don't think that is what they are trying to do with Season 3 and why I really loved it. I think instead Season 3 is about the life of an athlete, what it means to be one in all facets of it. It's about a character who knows they SHOULDN'T be the underdog but kept losing anyway for a while. To show how even the most peak of athletes aren't perfect, they can still lose, because others can be just is good. That is why Kitasan keeps getting upset because she's like "I have all the skills, I gave it EVERYTHING, why didn't I win???" Ya know? Like she's not an underdog, but someone else just ended up being BETTER and that person is a rival she ends up never being able to beat.
Then when she's just THAT GOOD, suddenly...her time is almost up. And she has to come to terms with being past her prime. With knowing she can never be who she once was. She's on limited time. And she has to make the decision as an athlete when to accept this and go out. Season 3 is about recognizing when to go out on your own terms before someone else or something else doesn't give you that choice anymore. And that is actually a lot more relatable to me because I've never suffered severe injuries as an athlete before. But I've gotten hurt. I've gotten older. I've seen my body move slower, my reactions not being what they once were. Time comes for us all, and the chance to leave something you love on a high-note of your own making just hits different for me. I love Season 3 so much for that.
I also love the fact that Cheval Grand basically declares her love for Kitasan by beating her while working through her own feelings of self-worth and inadequancy with her sisters. And how messed up EVERYTHING going on with the Satono Clan is and all its messy implications. Yep sure do love me a lot of that. And Nice Nature being a mentor figure without even trying to be because Kitasan kept going to her for advice. So many good things in S3.
The beauty of Monster Prom (specifically the first game) is that you start playing and you're thrown into the middle of a batshit crazy setting and expected to keep up with the character shit. And then you play again and you understand the characters a little more but you're still really confused. Eventually you get to a point where you think you understand the characters and setting, but then you get a secret ending that makes you feel like youve only scratched the surface.
The beauty of Monster Camp is that the characters maintain some of their potential character development but some things are left in the Mystery Limbo of Was It Canon To This Timeline?
The beauty of Monster Roadtrip is that you actually get to explore some aspects of the setting that were previously relegated to noodle incidents, such as learning more about how fucking evil the merkingdom is, but that there IS precedent not to overthrow it all at once. Also you can learn that the Monster Prom universe received a copy of Shrek 2 without context of the first film.
The beauty of Monster Con is that the devs zeroed in on what makes monsterfuckers want to fuck monsters (the otherness of being a nerdy loser, and also the inherent sex appeal of things that go bump in the night).
The beauty of the series as a whole is that the first game is so chaotic and full of horrible evil characters that are still hot as hell, but when you introduce lasting character development, you actually get to explore the idea of people being redeemable even if they have done heinous shit. The youngest princess of the genocidal dictatorship is learning that more people will like her if she actually values their lives. The arson-loving prince of hell is mellowimg out. The insufferable hipster has learned that sometimes the mainstream isn't all bad. There's a former eldritch horror who became a trans girl and she's finally happy enough to exist without destroying the universe.
I was rewatching episode 1 & 2 of Love You Teacher when it finally hit me that the car horn blaring and the accident that Solar has at the beginning are the same events that happen before Sun wakes up as Solar as a kid. So the switch back is like Sun woke up from the first accident ~20 years later and has no idea where his parents are.
In a weird way, it helps give me more perspective for why Sun wants to go "back to sleep" once he has his memories back. Sure he now has the friends in his class, and loving aunties and uncles, plus his old teacher, but for Sun whose world was his parents, (no matter how terrible they were), that life is completely gone now. His mother did love him and wanted to keep trying for him, but the reality is she is dead. His dad has lived with the guilt and shame of not having been enough for his family, (no matter the reality that he could never have 'fixed' it on his own), to the point that running away from responsibility is now his default.
There's no return to Sun's life as it was, and I can see how facing that would be too much for a child. Especially knowing that there's another person who could keep living through you and have joy, family, and fulfillment.
It's absolutely a tragedy, and I think there are arguments to be made that Solar is not totally separate from Sun, but in terms of the frozen, 7-year-old Sun, the life he knew and wanted ended with that accident.
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Hi, sorry I truly *truly* come in peace and curiosity, but I was following your recent discourse and I was wondering if you'd be willing to expand on why you think Yuuki used Zero, please? Or wasn't fair to him? I've often felt that myself when reading the series but it's not a perspective I've seen often and I'm just curious to hear what others feel about that too, if you don't mind, please?
Hello, there, kind anon! Wow.. I was not expecting anyone to ever ask for my opinion on the series via asks—it’s been far too long, hahaha. So, I thank you genuinely for the question!
Oh, man, I’m going to get shot in the streets, aren’t I? (Just kidding, if we take necessary precautions it should be alright.)
I’ll start with a disclaimer: Heavy Zeki Criticism/Anti-Yuuki takes. I’m a pro-Zero supporter that can criticize him when necessary and I don’t sugarcoat my disdain for his prominent ship or the heroine of this story. That does also mean I’m a Kaname/Kanaki anti. So, please be aware and if you don’t care to read such thoughts and opinions, DO NOT READ. Okay, with that out of the way, let’s continue!
Firstly, if you’re a new member of the fandom, I’d like to suggest some old Meta’ers: getoffthesoapbox and vampireknightmeta. Their takes are essentially the same to my own.
Now, to keep me on track, the questions at hand: Was Yuuki unfair to Zero and did Yuuki use Zero?
I did want to relegate this mostly to VKM because I think that’s the worst offense but I do have to say, this happens in the original run of the series as well. Especially since I’m over-analyzing every move Yuuki makes in order to change aspects I have issues with for my own creative work.
Night 37
So, I shall self-indulge here and discuss the chapter with my biggest gripe that I personally have which is an entire hot take, I’m not gonna lie, LOL.
The first time I thought Yuuki had been completely unfair to Zero was when she arrives up to his door in Night 37. This is where everyone believes it’s Zero’s fault for reacting the way he does—I never thought this, I always felt Yuuki was the one in the wrong here.
In the most vulgar manner possible: why come up to his door to see him if you’re just going to say the most repulsive shit ever while knowing exactly how he feels about vampires, but specifically purebloods? What was the point of saying something so hurtful than to be utterly spiteful in that moment?
Perhaps, I’ve always been too sensitive when it came to Zero’s perspective but I found it wrong when it was Yuuki, herself, who wanted to see Zero and said in the previous chapter that she had no right to worry about him (because she’s a pureblood)—which means she cares about him and his wellbeing, however she knows she’s what he hates. So, for her to walk up and perpetuate the problem knowing how he’d react and how he’d feel is baffling. It’s not rocket science to know he’d have a volatile reaction about her being a pureblood, this has been set up countless times since the very beginning, she’s known his vitriol for purebloods and vampires. Not to mention, She probably gave him less than a few hours to process the shocking truth of her existence—like, come on, honestly.
Yuuki can feel hurt that his gut reaction was to reject her—I understand that completely. But instead of reminding him that she’s still herself and how hurt that makes her feel for him to reject her when she had always accepted him, she just… says the girl he knows is no longer there. Was the point of this to push him away just because she was butthurt his reaction was immediate rejection? Which is funny because right after when she runs away, she cries over it. Like, what did you expect, Yuuki!?
It’s just extremely inconsiderate and thoughtless. And for a heroine of this story, I didn’t feel bad for her when Zero rejected her instantly. I should’ve of, she should’ve made me feel bad for her, but instead of trying to meet him halfway, she exacerbates the problem and purposely hurts him even more. Zero was built up the entire start of the series to have no tolerance for vampires or purebloods so his reaction came to no surprise. He was in the wrong for rejecting his friend when she always accepted him, but that would’ve been one of the many mistakes he makes as the hero of this story that he has to make up for as the narrative progresses. His hatred for vampires/purebloods was his character arc for growth. But Yuuki shouldn’t have made this her first blunder as a heroine because there was no solid reason for this mistake besides to hurt Zero even more because he’s just a punching bag.
Now, I still understand that I’m alone on this take, it’s never talked about from that perspective. However, that moment in Night 37 was the first seed of my disdain for Yuuki and where I think she began to fail as a heroine for me, personally.
Night 79 & 86
So, I feel like even the vast majority of Zeki fans would agree that the biggest point of contention is generally in Night 79 when we learned about Kaname’s plan to use Zero and Ichiru, that he was the one to orchestrate the Kiryuu family murder in order to use the twins for his pureblood killing agenda. Yuuki learns the truth of this and it… goes nowhere.
Yuuki initially feels guilty because she comes to the conclusion Kaname did what he did to be all for her. While simultaneously, Zero’s thoughts echos Yuuki’s guilty ones and tells her in his mind that it’s not her fault, that he doesn’t hold her accountable—he holds this against the source, Kaname alone. So, because she holds everything against herself, she fails to also hold Kaname accountable for his own actions which is the underlying issue for the main series. She attempts to absolve Kaname of his sins by believing if she takes them for herself, it leaves him blameless. That’s not true justice nor how delving out justice works. Which is what this series sorely lacks at knowing how to deliver out on completely or correctly, but I digress.
So, when we have Zero and Yuuki team up, they have a conversation in Night 86 which is yet another example of a poorly executed scene that leaves a bitter taste in any Zero fan’s mouth.
Yuuki approaches Zero about their relationship, stating she can’t be with him and that she belongs to Kaname. Initially, that’s not a bad scene, she’s setting up boundaries, cool. But coming off of everything we learned.. how does stating you belong to someone who is now a wanted criminal, who needs to be stopped and punished, because remember he also killed an innocent man—Aidou-dono—before we knew he wasn’t actually dead (which I find ridiculous it was an illusion—nice retcon, Hino), but how does this scene not come off as awkward and out of place?
The unfair aspect of this is the fact she states she belongs to Kaname and Zero acknowledging that fact of Kaname being his family’s murderer, yet, nothing about the fact of Zero’s injustice from Kaname’s sins are ever taken into consideration for Yuuki. She doesn’t feel anything about it except the initial guilt that Kaname did it for her—okay, but where’s the self-righteous justice to fight for Zero? Nowhere to be found, lol. Such a wonderful heroine to care about her friend’s family’s murder. Mind boggling writing, truly.
Night 88 & 89
I almost forgot about this one until I realize—RIGHT, Yuuki stole Zero’s memories without his consent! Truly masterful. This wouldn’t have been a negative for Yuuki if it wasn’t for what comes after.
Initially, Yuuki did this unforgivable act with a semblance of care about Zero’s wellbeing, making sure he can carry on without her and taking his pain over her away as her plan is to self-sacrifice for Kaname in order to turn him human. There’s at least some consideration for Zero, I’ll admit. Even if she’s manipulating his life which perpetuates that arrogant pureblood mentality Zero’s always reiterating, but at least it seemed to be a noble cause—at first.
However, once she runs back into Kaname’s arms, she tells him all he had to do to make it work between them was to take away her memories of Zero away, LOL. WOW. How truly kind of you, Yuuki. So, the fact that she imagined this scenario means she would’ve been completely fine with Zero to suffer—knowing his own thirst was unquenchable without her, which was the whole reason she took his memories of her away—while she could remain blissfully unaware and happy with Kaname. Heroine of the week, ya’ll, LOL. If that doesn’t spell lack of consideration and care for Zero, I don’t know what does, LOL
Vampire Knight Memories
Alright, this is where I think the bulk of the actual problems are and where Yuuki truly used Zero’s kindness for granted.
So, let’s set up the scene: we’re coming right off of the end of the original run where Yuuki becomes suicidal over her guilt of Kaname’s death. Zero tries to help Yuuki much like when she saved him from his suicide attempts at the start of the series. As she’s going through her grief and has her daughter, Zero remains by her side ever loyally.
In VKM 5, Yuuki admits to Zero about feeling guilty that she is unable to return his affection but doesn’t want to let him go. Zero is fine with this, allowing her however amount of time she needs and reassures her that he knows to an extent how she feels via her blood which is why he doesn’t need her to outwardly return her feelings for him.
Granted, Yuuki does tell him that if he doesn’t need her anymore that he can leave—not like Zero ever would, the selfless idiot that he is, but nice that she offered.
In all of this, truly, I believe that if she couldn’t do this (a romantic relationship with him) then she should’ve said so explicitly. Just tell him no. Zero is a big boy—assuming Ai is five years old here, that’ll make him in his early to mid-20s—he can handle a rejection, my guy has mastered that all his damn life, honestly. So, if Yuuki set the boundary lines that she just needed him as a friend only, it would be completely his own fault for staying but instead, she strings him along and gives him hope that maybe one day they can become a couple. It’s just so damn wrong in VKM.
That’s why, when we learn they don’t progress their relationship until 50 years later, it sours their relationship for a once-upon-a-time shipper of this pairing. Yuuki had no damn right to do that to Zero. She used his kindness to the fullest extent and made him, quite frankly, miserable in the process. Big hot take there, I know, LOL. Zero’s initial smiles were of knowing that Yuuki found a reason to live and smile again, that of her daughter. (He personally wouldn’t believe he had anything to do with her reasoning to continue onwards but he was part of it.) I’d argue, however, within those 50 years, Zero’s spirit diminishes as he waits for Yuuki. Sure, it seems he should be the one to blame for holding onto hope over a woman who clearly doesn’t seem pressed to be with him, but the lack of empathy and respect to not let him go is solely on Yuuki, imo. If she knows Zero as well as she does, she shouldn’t have done that to him, and if she’s not aware that’s her own fault for being inconsiderate and allowing it to be a 50 long year wait. At least try to let the man go by saying she’d never be able to do it and if he stays that’s his fault. So, in the end, she was incredibly and entirely selfish.
Conclusion
To fully wrap up this monster of a meta analysis, yes, I think there’s evidence to show where Yuuki had some serious transgressions against Zero that were unjustly and clear scenes that indicate she used his kindness, especially in VKM.
I hope this answers your question, anon, and if you have other chapters I didn’t add and wanted to discuss with me, I’m more than happy to share my thoughts if you’d like to hear them! Thank you again and I never mind anyone, no matter the ship or character we like, to discuss things as long as we can remain civil. ^^
unfortunate theory, but i think season 5 stumbled into Steddie not because the duffers liked steddie but because they didn't have plans for steve outside of the love triangle (in part bc yknow he was never meant to survive)
like i remember an interview or something about s2 when steve and dustin are paired up for the first time, they mention its bc those characters kinda are left out of the other main plots. steves babysitter role was kinda born out of situation: they didn't kill him and thankfully weren't going to have him just disappear (rip argyle you deserved SO MUCH BETTER) so he got paired with dustin.
(and as a steve and dustin superfan i need to stress this isn't a dis at them, it was an accident so happy bob ross would weep tears of joy, im just talking about how it wasn't a plan for steves character before then)
and in season 5 we have not the same exact situation, but something similar, mostly in that robin has been drafted into the gay mentor role and while they do a little love triangle stuff, they can't make it all season long (or at least they didn't, thankfully). so that leaves his relationship with dustin, which has a lot to chew on with Eddie's death and dustins grief and that kinda sorta rivals thing they wanted to go for in s4.
getting hella speculative in a way i might not even agree with later, i just wonder if steve this season metatextually kinda duplicates dustins internal struggles because they weren't sure what else to do for him, mostly because at least with the canon-addressed cheating/jealousy vibes from season 1, steve doesn't handle it well. but they couldn't break up steve and dustin, Dustin is steves epilogue and it'd just really suck, so steve ends up in the same place as dustin: lashing out because he doesn't know how to handle the grief.
and im not saying it doesn't work, i LOVE it! immostly trying to figure out how they got here because steve hasn't really done this before and most notably, wasn't shown with nearly any negative emotion in the s4 epilogue. and i think this like meta theory makes sense. steve doesn't often get arcs *about* him, and the duffers don't seem to be trying to tell any story through him.
but thankfully, the unintended consequence of that is that they dumped a bakery's worth of crumbs onto one of the most popular ships in the fandom, one that had some of the lowest odds of being anything close to canon.
