#messy post

Ი ⁠ᰍ Ok so, in my dr my group just had a very recent comeback. So you know, we're doing promotions for it. We have a song in the album called 'Unicorn Faerie' and there's a kind of hard part in the choreo where we have to make a sort of lotus shape, and at the same time we have some kinda hard vocals to do so it took some practice and we've been nailing it ꉂ(˵˃ ᗜ ˂˵). ྀི꒱ྀ ̣̣̥

ೀ And it went a bit viral ꒰ྀི first tiktok on it got 392M views.. and the rest just kept getting more ꒱ིྀ because we're still technically rookies and people thought, from just looking at the video, that we were super experienced instead of literally just debuting a year ago (˶˃⤙˂˶). There was also an animation trend that sparked from it ꒰ྀི i script every one of our songs sparks a pretty trend so it was bound to happen anyways ꒱ིྀ. Its so pretty I wish yall could see 😭. 𝜗𝜚ྀི

꒰ྀི১ ໒꒱ིྀ Besides that, it's been REALLY busy in my dr. We just debuted our second unit and our final unit is coming this year as well so we're busy doing planning for that. It's been so overwhelming but my company always makes it seem so much better. And speaking of comebacks, our second units (V.O.S) debut also went viral for how good it was, and our third units (D.B.R) debut is being heavily anticipated because we put out a teaser and people are really excited for the more unique concept. 𓏲ྀི.˳˳.⋅꒰৯

.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙‧͙ But other than all the busy schedules it's been super fun, i've gotten so many gifts from fans and i'm going viral basically every other week for just existing (๑ᵔ⤙ᵔ๑) so thats always fun. ‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.

𓏲˚ ۪ ❤︎⊹. ݁ I also just turned 17 in my dr and we had a really fun day where the group planned a scavenger hunt all around Yume for me at my favorite places! They also got my parents in on it so I was very happy to see them as well. ✿𓈒ॱ⬭ᩙ

♡𓈒 ཾ 𓈒 As for magical girl stuff everything's been normal, practicing with my little magic creature and forming a magic bond with her has been so fun ꒰ྀི Her name is Alcremie btw, yes she's named after the pokemon she is the pokemon, I'll make a post abt her soon, probably today ꒱ིྀ 𔓐𑇓ି⠀༅｡

ಣ𓈒ֵ۫ ˚ Ok that's really it, I hope you enjoyed anon and others that like posts like this, ok byeeuu (๑ᵔ⤙ᵔ๑)!! ₊˚ ⋅ ۶ৎ

Okay, it's six in the morning and my eyes are puffy for many reasons, one of them being because I went full "I don't need sleep I need ANSWERS" mode about Isobel so I gathered all the caffeine induced anxiety strength I got from drinking a double espresso cappuccino 13 hours ago (huge mistake), opened the game and prepared to face my decision as an adult, right

I swear I opened it with the intention of killing her and living with it... And I'm not sure if it was my love for Jaheira/my fear of losing her, my growing affection for this lovely helpless lesbian that is my Durge or simply my defiant little shit self refusing to bend for the threats of that fucking Butler, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I just couldn't. Once the battle started I was like "okay, if this is a trap that'll end with me crying either way, at least I won't hate myself too much going in THIS direction"

And honestly it wasn't an easy fight! Strategist mode is no joke, I had be so coordinated I even forgot about the impending tragedy looming over the long rest I'd need after it. I had some fun with the challenge and got to experiment with Minthara's abilities since I never played a paladin before, I really enjoyed this part. After the Inn was safe I went around doing some other quests mixing up the party combinations because I didn't know who I'd end up killing in the sleepwalking murder so I wanted to spend time with everyone before the inevitable grief and guilt made it difficult to even talk to any of them at the camp 🥹🥹

Hearing the banters in the field and the usual camp greetings once we were done for the day felt like I was stabbing myself repeatedly. I had no idea I'd be feeling like that about the companions so early in the story, this was only one decision in the middle of Act 2 but the pain was from a fucking "point of no return" sequence. The amount of grief building up in my heart was comparable to when I spent 15 minutes staring at the paused screen before making my Tav turn into a Mindflayer. Similarly to my Tav, my Durge was about to condemn her soul while fighting to stay loyal to herself, but the key difference is that she had no way of stopping herself from hurting the people she loved. My Tav had a choice, and he acted on it once everyone was safe. He acted on it to make sure everyone would stay safe. My Durge has no such luxury. The best she could do still would make her feel like the worst

Or so I thought (:

I was already crying when the butler showed up because I knew he would come, and I cried even more when he started trying to make Zenphyr surrender to her "instincts" and "redeem herself" for Bhaal by killing Lae'zel... Whom I suspected he would choose, I might add. My guesses were: romanced, best friend or most "innocent" (as much as Isobel, at least). In Zenphyr's case: Lae'zel, Gale or Halsin. When the dialogue options showed up, I was surprised that there were so many options in the first place, but what surprised me the most was that as I read them, even still crying, it hit me that after doing all of that, Zenphyr wouldn't beg and plead and try to bargain her way out of killing. She was fighting up until that moment, so she would keep fighting

Her confidence in defying the butler was rooted in her trust in Lae'zel. I mentioned it in other post, but what made Zenphyr fall for her so strongly in the first place was the safety in knowing Lae'zel wouldn't allow her to lose herself and if it ever happened she wouldn't hesitate to stop her. The butler using Lae'zel of all people to scare Zenphyr into submission was his biggest mistake, because that woman was the only one with real power over her. Yes, she will submit. To Lae'zel. You dumb bitch. My crying slowly turned into a low-key manic laughter as I successfully rolled the resistence tests, spilled my guts to Lae'zel after waking her up and watched as she locked in immediately to do PRECISELY what Zenphyr trusted she would

Seeing her tied up, thrashing around with Lae'zel watching over her and pretty much COMMANDING HER to retake control was such a delightful view. Not only from their delicious wholesome yuri dynamic I headcanoned BECOMING CANON right before my eyes, but because I had absolutely NO IDEA this was a possibility. They put the fear of god into me with Alfira's murder and I was ready to suffer the pain of inevitability on this matter through the whole playthrough, BUT NO!!!! YOU HAVE A CHOICE!!! YOU ALWAYS HAD IT!!!!!! THIS IS SO FUCKED UP I LOVED IT SO MUCH

I can't believe I tortured myself for almost three entire days over this decision and I'm not sure if I'm more mad or fascinated with the writing for putting me through all of this so intensely. I'm even more obsessed for this game than I already was, this is INSANE. I'm not ready for the moment that will come eventually when I won't be able to pass some very important rolls and end up traumatised but at the same time I can't fucking wait for those, I wanna see EVERYTHING!! IT'S ALL SO FUCKED UP!!!!!!