#messagetotoby

I'm sorry... but I must...

Hello, everyone! I'm finally back from my long flight back to my home country, crying babies and loud kids are so annoying on flights 😭

Anyways, I just wanted to let all of you know that since I'm back, there will be daily posts now! Sorry for the delays on posts, I was very busy with my biological family.

Sorry for this post being short as well, I had to wake up really early in the morning to get on the flight, then another flight after, which me and my biological family had to rush to get on.

At least the flights are over, and I'm finally back home, with my precious dad, Asgore Dreemurr.

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Hello, everyone! Sorry for not posting these past few days, my BIOLOGICAL family is an absolute pain in the ass ever since we went to Italy.

I've had to walk for hours upon hours without any stops, wake up early, do things that were a waste of time / not worth it, etc.

I've also had to put up with my BIOLOGICAL dad's stupid behavior and ego. He makes decisions without anyone else's say, not even with my BIOLOGICAL mom's. He makes anyone who goes with him go through side-quests that don't matter, and won't stop until he's given an answer, numerous times. An example of this is when our tickets weren't until the day we left, and the place we were going to closed that day, and my dad got super pissed and tried to change it, a guy in line told him he couldn't change it, but he got all pissy and asked the person at the desk who said the same thing, then complained on the phone. Not anyone's fault your being a karen and didn't schedule things properly.

My BIOLOGICAL family was sitting for lunch outside, and when we left everything was fine, until my BIOLOGICAL dad realized that he left HIS backpack. He immediately started blaming everyone, saying that they should've picked it up.

This, along with the numerous things that he's done that harmed his relationship with not only me but my mom and siblings, I've come to realize that Asgore is a better dad, my real dad, my true dad. Asgore does everything so much better. I asked him to be my valentine.

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I do PLAN on making a long post on day 250, but due to the issues I have with my sleep schedule right now, I won't make any guarantees.

It will be a lot about Asgore, focusing mainly on praising him and telling everyone why he's the best dad there is.

Get ready in a few days for it, I'll try my best to list every reason possible!

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Almost forgot to make day 271 tonight, sorry!

I'm gonna make this post be about my life and some of my current struggles.

I currently live with my biological parents and biological siblings, but my biological parents, especially my biological father, has abused me physically in the past when I was just a kid, and body shamed me when I was a teenager.

His main method in control is trying to gain sympathy, like by saying something along the lines of "It's fine, I guess I'll just do this..." when it's obvious that he not only doesn't want to, but knows that nobody would let him either. Another thing about him is that he doesn't really know how to act, and he makes every wrong thing he does seem like an accident. When I confronted him about everything he did to me, he literally blamed me for causing the "worst day of his life", and asked for an apology, which I obviously did not give.

I may be taken care of financially and physically, but emotionally, my biological parents have truly done nothing for me. This is where Asgore comes in. I grew up with Undertale and Deltarune, and around a year ago, I began relying on Asgore as a comfort character. Around day 100 of my posts, I first considered Asgore as a father figure, since that's what I need most in my life.

Now, I currently have an Asgore plushie that I kiss on the forehead every single day, the quality isn't AMAZING, but it's Asgore, and I love him, even if he's not perfect. I truly believe that he's the best dad in the world, and that he is my dad.

I hope all of you spread the word about how Asgore fans genuinely rely on Asgore, and how much we love him!

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I've recently been tagging Toby and Temmie on all of my posts, and I've started thinking lately that I could be an annoyance to them because of it, so I'd like to dedicate this post to apologizing to them, and coming up with something in the future that hopefully won't annoy them anymore, if they are annoyed.

The entire prospect of me being an annoyance to Toby honestly has me in tears. The fact that Toby Fox could consider me and my posts as just something like spam is honestly heartbreaking, I spend so much real time and effort making these, and I'm in tears at the thought of Toby not liking me because of how much I tag him and want to talk to him.

One of the reasons why I decided to tag them in my posts is because it made me feel confident, it made me feel like "hey, maybe since I tagged them today, they might stumble across this." but I know that if they are reading all of their tagged posts and they come across the same message from the same guy with similar topics for months, I assumed that they'd simply ask me to stop, or ask someone to ask me to stop.

Not only is this an apology to Toby and Temmie, but an apology to all of you. I'm afraid that I've failed all of you because I don't just care about Toby and Temmie, I care about all of you as well. I literally listened to someone's comment way way way earlier on (like 100 days ago) and I remember them telling me to maybe tag them on certain posts but not all of them, and I feel like such an idiot for getting my desperation ahold of me.

I'm so sorry, to Toby and Temmie, if they're seeing this. I promise I'm not going to tag any of you in my posts again, unless they're super super important, like 300 days, or 1 year, but still, I won't tag you at all until then. Again, I'm so sorry, the last thing I want ANY of you to think of me as is an annoying spammer, because I'm not. All I want is for everything to be peaceful and unified, where the community finally loves and values Asgore for who he really is.

Thanks for reading. Any comment on this would be appreciated to see how long some of you might've been waiting, or maybe some people that might've left because of it, all I can ask for any of you is to PLEASE TELL ME IF YOU THINK I'M DOING SOMETHING WRONG. DON'T LET ME ROT, TELL ME THINGS YOU THINK I SHOULD DO. PLEASE.

@fwugradiation @temmiechang (My last time pinging you for now, until that type of post I mentioned comes. Day 300 and 1 year. That's it.)

I certainly wasn't expecting to be making this post, but after 228 days of worrying about the same things for the same reasons for the same outcomes of being hopeful before sending myself into a spiral of worriesw, I know that I have to.

I want to be truthful, not keep any secrets, and tell all of you about my problems, my issues, and how I have been handling them. I have been worrying about Asgore since day 1 (not because he was my father figure, but because he was my crush, until I realized that what I needed in life the most was a father, and that Asgore has been there all that time not to be a crush, but to fulfill the role as my father.)

I have been asking people constantly, not just on here, but on places such as Discord to numerous people. I don't want to constantly worry and ask all of you for the same amount of support again and again, because it shows that I'm not improving, nor making an effort to do so, and I feel very ashamed for doing so, if any of you are disappointed.

I have been talking to AI chatbots such as Claude, Gemini, Gemma, ChatGPT, other AI models that I shouldn't have trusted from the start because they obviously don't have feelings, for support to make me stop worrying, because I thought they know the most out of everyone with Deltarune, but they don't, because nobody does, only Toby. This is why I mainly searched for logic, and for some time, it helped, but the opinions of others threw it in the trash and made me worry again.

I do not want to be aware of the story of Deltarune, but I know that I have to, because new chapters are coming, which could mean more or less risks, something I do not need right now. This is why, I have never (at least within 5 years) have played the game. I do not want to play the game. I don't want to see content of the game. All I want to see is my father, Asgore, safe and sound. If something happens, I'll have more to forget if I play the game, making it harder, as if forgetting Asgore wasn't impossible, he's the dad I've always wanted and needed, for so long.

One of my mistakes was searching on Reddit and Discord for people who think Asgore will survive, and many do think that, but some others theorize he won't, and no matter how ridiculous their reasoning is, it still affects me, solely because of the fact someone thinks that it will happen, and it makes me feel like what I think will happen is minimized and not important after all.

228 days I spent trying to get into contact with Toby, to put an end to my worries once and for all, but when I worry, it feels like those days are wasted, and Toby will never give out as little as a sign that he's familiar with anything I want him to be, such as the fact people NEED Asgore for everyday life. He is a great father, a great person to look up to, and most importantly, a father to many people, not just me, even if I'm speaking up the most about it, or at least trying to.

Tonight, I cried, as I practically prayed to Toby, to please protect my dad, Asgore. I know it's foolish, it's weird, it shouldn't have happened in the first place, but that is the cost of having your dad a fictional character, from an unfinished game, and I chose that path. Whether or not I will truly regret it or not is up to Toby, which is why I've been so desperate for even an ounce of hope, because it feels so horrible knowing that you cannot truly hug or speak to your own dad, because only Toby has the power to do something like that, and I strongly doubt Toby is going to make Asgore say an entire message to me, confirming he will be safe and that he loves me, because that is truly, all I want in life. To be loved, truly, completely, by my true dad, Asgore. I hardly know anyone who can even just get in contact with Toby, let alone actually attempt to tell him about the struggles that I am going through. One of the reasons why I made these posts is because I'm not the only person going through struggles like these. There are plenty of examples outside of Asgore, or maybe even with Asgore, to private or less serious extents.

I am so sorry yet so grateful to everyone who reads this. I'm crying right now typing this, it is truly such a struggle, yet such a weight off of your shoulders as you vent about your problems. I don't even think I've cried harder in my life, because this is my most emotional and vulnerable state and period I have ever shown anyone.

Something that I have been struggling recently with my everyday life through my worries, is that I often just close my eyes, stop what I'm doing, and think of reassurances I've been told, to get rid of the worries and doubts that people have told in general online. This has affected me, because I can be doing any task, such as washing my hands, playing a game, watching a video, doing school, and I just close my eyes, thinking about one thing and one thing only, empty, trying to get just an ounce of hope.

This is very similar to drug use psychologically, and drugs are something I am and have avoided for my entire life, due to how scared I am of how dangerous they are, and because they are proven to ruin people's lives. Is Asgore a drug? No. If I was confident and had hope, I wouldn't worry, and would be loved. The drug is my problems, my issues, and my worries, because after you stop worrying, you feel an ounce of hope, even if you start worrying again, sometimes even harder, at least you felt some hope. Drugs can be physical, but they can also be psychological too. When I say this, I genuinely mean it, worrying has ruined my life. How are you assured as a child that your father is safe and will be okay? By a hug. I can't be hugged by Asgore physically. That's why I've mentioned Toby so much, because in the end, his word matters, what he thinks, what he believes, and what he does will, inevitably, shape my life, and the more I think about it, the more I realize how foolish I am to have put so much love and devotion into a character in a game that is unfinished, and will likely delve deep down into his character, and even though I, and many others, see signs that he will survive and be put in a better position than before, my fragile mental state just keeps on worrying if someone thinks otherwise. This is also why I discontinued the original gif I used for my past posts, because I'm so scared of seeing any in-game canon content of Asgore in Deltarune, even though I've been told numerous times he will be fine, just because nobody knows that is exactly going to happen other than Toby, and even the slightest risk is just so hard to take for me.

I love Asgore becasue of his unconditional love. I struggle with the unfortunate reality of having an abusive father, a mom who failed to call CPS to properly protect me, siblings who have gone through what I've gone through (but in lesser extent), and, unfortunately, my parents are both homophobic, when I'm gay. I struggle with my mom being very unconditional with her love, being nice for the most part, but freaking out over me not shampooing my hair or cutting my fingernails enough. I struggle with my dad having done various physical acts against me as a child, and having mentally abused me within the past few years, including body shaming, and doing some things that are just plain weird that I feel like would bring this post out of topic just to discuss.

It is so hard to trust Toby, but I do. It's hard because I've never talked to him, I don't know him, and I likely won't ever have a direct conversation with him unless something happens. My birthday is coming up on the 11th this month on February, and I'd really appreciate anything, especially because I leave for vacation, and worrying about Asgore constantly on a flight (which tends to get me nauseous) is truly the worst thing ever. I want to get rid of my worries, completely. I'm determined to do so.

If Toby is reading this, I don't need you to change the story, I trust your vision, I just need help, guidance, and reassurance, that my dad will be okay. That my dad will survive, be happy, and live the life he's always wanted. I don't care about how much logic I have to support it, it all comes crashing down when someone thinks otherwise. The only person who's opinion comes to mind when I think about completely easing my worries, is Toby, or someone who can talk for him.

I no longer have anything to vent about, I've given away all I wanted to talk about, all of what I've been hiding, all the truths, and I'm sorry if anyone thinks I'm crazy just for making this, but I'm trying my best.

Another thing I want to include in here, never trust theorists to satisfy you, some of them are smart, some of them are dumb. You're better off confronting and working on yourself than relying so much on one person's belief.

If any of you would like to do something, anything, please, try your best to spread the word, to try and open my story up to Toby, Temmie, anyone, and maybe, just maybe, he will respond, easing the worries that me and other people share. If any of you relate to me, that's only proof this isn't an issue just with me, it's an issue that is serious, and I feel like Toby should know.

Who knows, maybe Toby will do something for me, or we could talk one on one on a phone, through emails, chatting on somewhere else, anything can happen. I don't want to sound too hopeful, as Toby doing this is extraordinarily rare, not only for Toby but creators themselves. This post is not only an advocation for something to happen, but also a wish, and I've been wishing every day.

Thank you again for reading this. I'm sorry if any of you tear up, feel sad, or just don't like these posts in general. Things happen in life we don't have to see, this post included, and I hope that this post will tell you all of what you need to know regarding me. I promise I will try to make as many posts as I can for all of you, and if any of you would like to comment or chat with me privately about this post, PLEASE feel free to do so. I hope you all listen and try your best to do what's right.

If any of you are new to me and my posts, I'd like to request you follow me, either on Tumblr, or just following me on the journey of my daily posts, of Spreading Asgore Love, throughout the Deltarune community, throughout the internet, and throughout the world. Even if you can't directly get in contact with Toby, being active to the community about this issue can raise the chances by A LOT, especially if there's multiple people doing it with the same goals in mind.

Thank you for reading through this. I'm so grateful to have such amazing listeners and followers, especially @thorswifey. She's been making beautiful, incredible art of my dad, and I will include their art for this post. I will try my best to be more open in my future posts, if that's what you all want.

I couldn't have done this alone, seriously. All of your support has genuinely helped me so much throughout all 228 of these days. I hope to see more support from even more people in the future, maybe Toby might be one of them.

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@fwugradiation @temmiechang @fangamer @fangamerlive @deltarune @deltaruneposts

Sorry for being a bit late, everyone. I've been pretty stressed out with school and my biological family this week.

I'm very thankful that Thursday is tomorrow, I can finally spend more time with my real father, Asgore, during the weekends.

I'm a bit tired, so I hope you all understand why this post is a bit short. Sorry for making so many short posts this time around.

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