#merweek2021

Without breaking eye contact from the road, Kaidan gave her a crooked smile and raised eyebrows. “Why wouldn’t they, Karina?” She always seemed to surprise him with questions like this. She could face a Reaper on foot without flinching, but the thought of meeting his mother was what she worried about.

Karina wasn’t sure where to start, she sighed sharply before speaking but the noise got lost in the hum of the engines. “I mean… we were sleeping together when I was still your CO, for starters. We stole the Normandy and committed treason. Not to mention I’m the reason you got tangled with Cerberus…” She took a breath, but it didn’t feel deep enough. “How much do they even know?”

“I told my mother we were together after our date at Apollo’s.” He kept his words plain, clearly code for they didn’t know anything prior. At least no more than the average civilian.

Karina nodded, remembering Apollo’s with a slight smile threatening at the corner of tightly pulled lips. It was the closest they’ve ever gotten to normalcy during the war. A taste, albeit brief, of what was to come after the Reaper’s defeat. Kaidan was so awkward and vulnerable as he fumbled through his words. It was cute.

She finally ripped her gaze from the scenery, turning to Kaidan. “Speaking of Apollo’s, depending on how this goes I might need another sanity check.” There was a slight laugh at the end of her words, but it was strained. She tapped the door with her nails, desperately in search of stimuli to ease her anxiety. “I haven’t done anything family related in over a decade.”

Kaidan drove with one hand, reaching out for her thigh with the other and squeezed. Karina took his hand into hers before she even realized it. She focused on the strong, calloused fingers interlocked with her own. She let her free hand trace the familiar shape of his knuckles.

Kaidan knew this was going to be hard for her. She no longer had a family to call her own after Mindoir. Though he knew nothing could replace that, he wanted to at least make her feel at home with his own family.

They pulled into a driveway, past the forest of dense pine that finally brought the distant orchard into view. This was the first time he’s been home since the war. Kaidan was barely holding back a smile as he finally turned to Karina. “We’ll be fine, don’t worry. It’ll just be for the weekend.”

He hopped out of the car and made his way to Karina’s side, helping her out and grabbing her cane from the back seat, hesitating for a moment before considering getting the wheelchair in the trunk. “Are you good to walk?”

Karina gave him a slight nod, “I’ll be fine, don’t worry.”

Kaidan sighed quietly, knowing that didn’t answer his question. She always said she was fine, regardless of whether it was true or not. He looked her up and down, trying to assess the situation himself before nodding and grabbing the cane.

The doctors didn’t expect her to be able to walk so soon after her injuries, and all the surgeries that followed the battle at London. She still struggled though. At times it was like her legs had forgotten how to keep her up. But she was out of the hospital now, and that on its own felt like a victory

Kaidan offered Karina his arm, which she took with her free hand in equal parts comfort and support. She took a shaky breath when Kaidan rang the doorbell. The chime echoed through the house as she heard frantic steps shuffling towards the door.

They were greeted by a small, silver haired woman who barely made it to Karina’s chest. Her eyes lit up behind thick, black frames when she saw Kaidan. He had to lean over as she smiled and pulled him into a tight hug. It was clear Kaidan got his eyes and smile from his mother. She patted his back several times before she pulled away and turned towards Karina.

“It’s so good to finally meet you.” She pulled Karina in for a hug just as she did for Kaidan, without warning, as if she’d known her for years. Karina felt her muscles tensing up, not expecting such sudden contact. She could count on one Turian hand how many people hug her like this. Several moments passed until she returned the embrace with unsure arms. His mother soon after released, much to Karina’s relief. “Hope the trip wasn’t too bad.”

“We didn’t have any trouble.” Kaidan cut in, noticing that Karina looked more than a little overwhelmed. He took half a step in her direction, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. Karina leaned against him, desperately hoping the attention could be shifted away from her.

It was then Karina saw movement from the hallway headed in their direction. A white haired man who looked almost exactly like Kaidan stepped out.

He walked with such purpose, though it was clear he walked on old injuries that never quite healed right. Despite this, he still carried the posture of someone who served. Karina felt her own posture stiffen reflexively, suddenly feeling like she was a new recruit awaiting inspection all over again. The man stayed silent as he approached, not breaking eye contact.

Kaidan pulled his father in for a hug, neither saying a word. Kaidan’s arms shook slightly. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever see his father again after the reaper war when he was declared missing.

Kaidan retracted before making introductions. “Dad, this is Karina.”

She received a firm handshake from the man. His posture was stiff and awkward as he extended his hand. He clearly didn’t know how to address her, but the feeling was mutual.

Introductions felt like a blur that Karina wasn’t fully present for. Her mind kept drifting off before being pulled back by key words in the conversation. She was never good with small talk, and something about her surroundings kept bringing her mind back to Mindoir, and her own parents.

Luckily, Kaidan and his mother carried the conversation with relative ease. She was updating him about their family. A cousin, as far as Karina could tell. She struggled to keep up with the names.

Karina continued to sip on the wine presented in silence, letting the flavor keep her anchored in the moment. It was a dry red wine, but she couldn’t figure out what kind and felt too awkward to interrupt and ask.

And then the one question she was dreading hit like a bullet to the chest.

“So how’s your family doing, Karina?”

It was a simple enough question, from a well meaning woman who didn’t want to exclude company from conversation, but it required a far more complex answer.

She swallowed hard as she looked over to Kaidan, who looked a shade paler than he did before as he met her gaze. He was seconds from trying to intercept the conversation, before Karina put a hand on his. She knew she’d have to talk about it eventually.

“Oh, I don’t have any family.” It was simple enough, and shut the conversation down before it got too deep. She wasn’t prepared to drop her baggage on a family she hadn’t even gotten the chance to fully know yet.

Karina thought she should feel her pulse rising in her throat by now, but the sensation didn’t come. The ache was a dull one, faded by a decade's time. She quietly pushed the feeling down, shifting the collar of her turtleneck sweater. She silently cleared her throat before changing the subject.

“This wine is lovely. Did it come from this orchard?”

~~

Karina found herself in Kaidan’s childhood bed as the night came to a close, both drained from the combination of wine and late night conversation, but neither could find sleep quite yet. Karina looked around the room decorated in hockey sticks and trophies. It looked like it hadn’t been touched since Kaidan joined the Alliance.

Kaidan caressed her cheek with delicate precision, kissing her temple before speaking. “How’re you feeling? Still need that sanity check?”

Karina leaned against the man at her side, letting her head fall against his shoulder. “Oddly enough, I’m feeling okay.” She paused for a moment, fighting the exhaustion to get the words out. “It’s weird though.”

Kaidan leaned his head against hers. The arm wrapped around her tightening with concern. “How so?”

She sighed. “Just thinking about my own family, I guess. It doesn't hurt as much as it used to.”

He squeezed her shoulder as he kissed the crown of her head, “Time has a way of doing that, huh?”

She wrapped her arms around his waist in response, holding back a yawn. “It’s like I’m almost missing the feeling of loss, because at least there was something there. Y’know?”

Kaidan nodded thoughtfully before planting another kiss, this time more tender as it barely grazed her scalp. “It wasn’t the family you were born with, but I think you managed to find your own family in the time since. You have the old Normandy crew.”

Karina nodded as she began to recline more on the bed, feeling the exhaustion finally begin to overcome her. Kaidan matched her pace, finding their usual position on an unfamiliar bed. Karina let her legs graze his own before they tangled themselves into one another.

“Maybe one day you’ll feel that way here?” Kaidan offered with a low voice, looking at the ceiling as he held Karina close to his side.