#merrowchild

Like how Heather (a ghost) and Neelam (who is still alive) got back together after years of Neelam grieving-or moreso failing to grieve- Heather. I mean- there’s so so many problems with that. Bc on surface level sure, these 2 people have been longing to be together since they were forced apart via Heather being murdered so surrrrellly this is the ‘fix-all’…but I mean… their relationship is not going to be as they remember it for many reasons:

1: Both of them are guilty of wearing rose-tinted glasses, their relationship was undoubtedly not as picturesque and wholesome as it’s made out to have been.

They were BOTH overworked doctors; [so overworked that when Heather thinks of herself she sees herself in her doctor’s uniform (as evidenced by the fact her ghost is wearing it), and also of course by the fact she misdiagnosed Charlie’s meningitis.] Due to this, I’d say it’d be reasonable to suggest that Heather might have spent more time haunting Neelam in her afterlife than she spent with her during their life.

☕️🫖The only detail Heather mentions about her life with Neelam (correct me if I’m wrong) that suggests an activity they did together was when Heather mentions brewing tea for Neelam in an ugly teapot the woman loved. As far as activities go, drinking hot drinks together-although enjoyable- doesn’t imply a lot of time or effort.

Additionally, the fact that Heather drinks coffee, not tea, suggests that they may not have even been drinking together, it could have just been a nice gesture for Heather to make her girlfriend tea as they pull yet another all-nighter at the hospital. ☕️ 🫖

Also, Heather’s appearance implies that she didn’t even have time to properly look after herself during life, let alone to spend quality time with her lover, “messy plait … wrinkled shirt” [page 9 of ‘sixteen souls’]

Further evidence of Heather+Neelam’s relationship being idealised is that both Heather and Neelam are known to avoid harsh reality in favour of digestible delusions. For Neelam, she’d prefer to turn to the unfounded “insight” fake psychic (Claire Cole) to deal with her girlfriend’s untimely demise than to seek the help of a therapist who might help her to move on. For Heather, she hides harsh truths until the last moment. It’s as if Heather thinks that if she doesn’t audibly acknowledge the truth then she can continue pretending as if it weren’t true/wasn’t the case (e.g, her hiding the fact that she is tethered to Neelam rather than the hospital. Also, in book 1, Heather hiding the fact that it was her who misdiagnosed Charlie).

What if it’s not love but guilt which keeps Heather tethered to Neelam? I think Heather did love Neelam but it’s the aspect of guilt (over not spending enough quality time with her,perhaps?) which keeps her tethered to her. It’s been a while since I read book 1 ‘sixteen souls’ but from what I recall, it’s some form of negative emotion (such as regret +/or guilt) which tethers ghosts to people or places.

Post-canon, once dead!Heather and alive!Neelam are back together it’s going to be CREEPY for Neelam to view+hear her gf all distorted through the crypto-lenses. +having the knowledge that that thing which looks like+sounds like her gf but is off has been sharing a bed with her for the past 7 years..? Absolute nightmare material. …..also just imagine what Neelam’s friends or family would think of Neelam ever let slip that she was dating her long-dead girlfriend again…??