#merrimack87

On the day that Patrick finally asks to play pitcher, he’s clearly not expecting Jonny to simply say yes.

“What?” he replies, mouth open a little, at a loss. They’re sitting on the couch, watching a movie, and Patrick picks up the remote and pauses it like he hasn’t heard Jonny properly.

“Yes,” Jonny repeats, shrugging. He hasn’t given a lot of thought to it honestly, but Patrick is pretty much his favorite person on the planet, so if that’s what he wants, Jonny wants to give it to him.

“Wait fuck, what? You weren’t supposed to say yes that easy!” Patrick says, still blindsided and also looking a little miffed. “Dude, I came up with an entire argument and everything.”

Jonny smirks at him. “What can I say? I’m a versatile guy.”

“No, but at the end of my awesome argument, you were gonna bow down before my superior logic,” Patrick says.

Jonny shifts against the armrest of the couch, so that he’s facing Patrick fully. “Oh well then no. I refuse to bottom ever. I won’t be persuaded. Don’t even try.”

“Your sarcasm is noted for later,” Patrick replies darkly.

Jonny grins and knocks Patrick’s knee with his own. “I’ll bet it is.”

Patrick grabs at his leg, pulling it over into his lap as he caresses Jonny’s kneecap with his thumb, shaking his head a little as he turns back to the TV.

“Well go on then,” Jonny says, putting his arms up behind his head. “Please regale me with your fabulous argument.”

“Hmm,” Patrick says, dropping his head against the back of the couch and meeting Jonny’s eyes. “Well, I like getting my dick wet.”  

He punctuates this pronouncement with a slow lick across his lower lip that isn’t anything other than pornography. Jonny naturally thinks of those pretty lips wrapped around his cock. Everytime. Even in the normal course of life where Patrick is putting totally mundane things into his mouth, like celery or protein shakes. How even, Jonny doesn’t know. There really should be no way to make celery sexy, and yet, well, Jonny has had to resign himself to having a lot of inappropriate associations with food. He refrains from asking if Patrick’s inescapably sound logic is just making Jonny think about blowjobs a lot. Mostly, because the only thing that makes Patrick’s obscene mouth even moderately bearable is that he simply doesn’t know. what. he’s. doing. to. Jonny. Or anybody else, he has to imagine. He can’t be the only one so affected.

Patrick continues, “And you’re like a sex wizard—”

Jonny snorts. “Back to that again are we?” he asks dryly.

Patrick levels a look at him. “Jonny, what’s the most you’ve made a chick come?”

“What, in a single sitting? Or do you mean over the course of a day?”

“Ugh!” Patrick thunks his head back against the couch.

Jonny’s likes sex. He likes it a lot. He especially likes it with Patrick. He knows some people have trouble doing the right thing, which honestly, Jonny doesn’t understand. All you need to do is listen and respond accordingly. Sex is not rocket science, it’s just bodies moving together. Jonny does know he’s good in bed, but that’s just because he tries. And sex is fun, he doesn’t know why other dudes are apparently so lazy or taking porn as a reference point. They don’t think people in real life could survive ten bullet wounds and a car accident like a character in an action movie. Why on earth would they believe balling some girl at top speed would be, you know, something that could actually work? It shouldn’t be acknowledged as any kind of victory that every other dude is embarrassingly bad and that’s why he looks so good by comparison.

Patrick and Jonny just work really well together--on a line, on the ice, or fucking--that’s what makes it next level shit. If Patrick seriously thinks it’s like this with everybody, he’s on fucking crank.

“Yeah, so sex wizard,” Patrick starts up again while Jonny rolls his eyes. “Honestly, with all your ‘skillz’ I think you on my cock would be an excellent time.”

“I have never bottomed before. Your superior logic is actually crap,” Jonny replies. “Like really crap.”

“Jonny,” Patrick replies exasperatedly. “At this point, with how this shit goes, I fully expect you to have a magic ass. I mean look at that thing.”

“Well my magic ass is sending you a C & D,” Jonny replies, leaning forward to kiss Patrick deep and slow. When he pulls back he nuzzles along Patrick’s jaw and asks, “So that was your superior logic, huh? You couldn’t actually have expected me to say yes to that.”

Patrick turns his head and draws their mouths back together, distracting Jonny for a good long while before he breaks the kiss, meeting Jonny’s eyes square on, and says, “No, I was just gonna say, ‘Jon, I really want it.’”

This sounds awesome and I would reallly like to read it! I hope it might get posted someday in the future!

Alas, no. Some parts of fandom have gotten too judgmental about what people write in fanfiction/kink-shaming for my tastes and I don't really need those stressors. Sometimes you just wanna write things that are hilariously awful and depraved and subject your friends to them without worrying that there's people out there thinking you = the crazed fanfiction that you write on the internet.

(But if you're talking some other version of a dark!AU, you never know. I have learned to never say never.)

aohatsu replied to your post “All I could think to ask is if you'd ever consider writing an actual Dark Canada AU. THINK OF KING JONNY AND HIS DARK QUEEN PATRICK WHO KILLS ALL THE ADVISERS WHEN THEY LOOK AT HIM WRONG. (Wrong being just looking, period. Dark Queen Patrick does not put up with fools. Especially when pregnant with Dark Prince Samuel.)”

It was just so much fun. Usually you have to think of what's "in character", and here, it was just, WHAT'S THE MOST EVIL THING WE CAN MAKE HIM DO. OFF WITH THEIR HEADS. Yes, good. Sometimes you just need dark!aus to balance the fluff. For fuuuun.

Also, just, come on, a little Sammy all dressed in black, probably has several nannies "disposed of" by the time he's five because they allowed his teddy bear to become injured. Silly nannies.

i think when you wrote/plotted dark canada we just went mad with power and that's what happened. it's a slippery slope to cutting off heads and nuking, what was it, australia? sweden? (everywhere.) (jonny was a sad princeling.) (mad with power.)

And Patrick just nods approvingly, because it's good for Sam to take responsibility for his own education and the deficiencies of the people around him. Patrick affixes a little patch around Teddy's eye; he looks very roguish, like a pirate now. Sam is satisfied; Teddy will heal thanks to his mother's ministrations. 

(Everyone else is terrified to see the Queen carefully affixing a scrap of cloth to a bear's head as the Prince watches hopefully, anxiously. It just seems wrong somehow. Those hands just finished agony-boothing a page, and now they're being So Gentle on a stuffed bear.)

1whiskers replied to your post 

I'll be able to say I knew you when!

You are clearly the luckiest. The stories you would get to tell!

puckling replied to your post 

It's like looking at your ID vortex.

Pretty much. Pure, unadulterated ME right there in your FACE.

torigates replied to your post 

your brain is a national treasure

The things locked up there would make LESSER PEOPLE CRY.

tanpopo03 replied to your post “For the fic meme can you talk more about what happens in the verse where Kaner is pregnant and Jonny still players hockey?? Just your headcanon for how Kaner finally starts to indulge his MEANT TO BE A DAD nature and lets him help with the kid?”

:DDDDDDDD It must be christmas

I get to get away with even more stuff than I did in IGAL! I RELISH the opportunity. 

cinderlily replied to your post “For the fic meme can you talk more about what happens in the verse where Kaner is pregnant and Jonny still players hockey?? Just your headcanon for how Kaner finally starts to indulge his MEANT TO BE A DAD nature and lets him help with the kid?”

I want to go to there. <3

Sometimeeeee. I have a lot of other stuff on my plate before I can start posting that though, so I'm trying to make myself finish things In a Row.

ninjaboots replied to your post “What is Jonny's favourite thing about Sammy?”

All of my Sammy Kane feelings forever. THEY BUUUURN.

SAMMEHHHHHHH; Johnny was right, he has the best baby.

torigates replied to your post “What is Jonny's favourite thing about Sammy?”

"He could listen to him for hours. (And he does.)" FIRST OF ALL, HOW /DARE/ YOU!!!!!!!!!!

All I've been doing is writing pointless Sammy Kane snippet fic to procrastinate on doing things that I really need to do. Like the time where Sam's presenting his dad with an award and the teleprompter breaks, but Sam is all about the improvising. And going viral. Basically, any time that kid opens his mouth, magic comes out, and the internet eats that shit up with a spoon. 

torigates replied to your post “I was hoping for this because I'm really invested in any updates/snippets/thoughts/how this even came to be on TALKING DICK FIC”

I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT TALKING PENIS!!!!

I was gonna make a "milkshakes to the yard" joke but I couldn't quite get it to come together. :( Pretend that a good one is here.

exemplaryetoile replied to your post “I was hoping for this because I'm really invested in any updates/snippets/thoughts/how this even came to be on TALKING DICK FIC”

I am marvelling in horror I mean wonder. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

You'll mean both. Kaner's horrified enough for us all, really.

spiritthatdenies replied to your post “I was hoping for this because I'm really invested in any updates/snippets/thoughts/how this even came to be on TALKING DICK FIC”

I'm honestly superexcited for the dick fic since I first heard about it, bc I love crack and you have a gret voice for comedic timing and there's not a better person to write this. So hearing that it will be posted soon makes me super happy! And two

endings, wow, with some extra cracky version to go, this is really exciting! I'm honestly not surprised Smallville is involved in this, I never got into it but that fandom for real. It's nice to see it's still delivering after all these years. :D

That is very lovely to say! I didn't take short-cuts with this one, I don't think, so if there's gonna be just one talking dick story in this fandom, by gum, I hope that mine will be able to withstand the test of...time. And yeah, basically a lot of my fictional likes/dislikes/feelings were hardwired by Smallville fandom, so. If branding shows up at any point here, I know exactly where to point.

ninjaboots replied to your post “I was hoping for this because I'm really invested in any updates/snippets/thoughts/how this even came to be on TALKING DICK FIC”

I am so, so ready for this. Tim and I understand each other and I am cheering for him to Get His Man. (Now I want to see Jonny having to deal with a talking penis too, though. That would be magical.)

Don't start talking about this, or I'll start thinking about it, and then you will NEVER EVER GET S. TOEWS

darthtulip answered to your post “Did I hallucinate this?”

i'd gif it if i could figure out what they were saying to each other at that time :/

YOU DID GOOD, and I just wanna say thank you for being a critical force of good in fandom's times of need, like CONVENTIONS.

manara88 replied to your photoset “So, Saturday night’s Hawks’ Convention was full of highs and lows. ...”

Aahhh Jonny looks so good! thank you for posting this, you're so lucky you get to be there in person. What did George Saad say? Was he up on the panel? Any videos or pics of this? Lol Sorry for all the questions!

George Saad was up on a panel with Saader, Shawzy and Shawzy's father, talking about raising their kids and how they became hockey players. Unfortunately, the whole panel's not up, but here's a clip. Basically, he just had a really nice attitude toward parenting and talked about how:

- Saader said he wanted to quit hockey at 14/15, but that was a challenge they overcame

- Saader's super good at math, and could have gone to school for it and been a ~great proficient~

- it's important to support your children with their ~dreams~

shinnystudio replied to your photoset “So, Saturday night’s Hawks’ Convention was full of highs and lows. ...”

Thanks for recap! Been looking for fan-driven links and vids and the like for convention coverage :D

Ha, that's all on 1whiskers - I wasn't going to liveblog this year, but it seemed like she'd enjoy it so before I knew it, I was plugging in my camera and being like, huh, what happened today. 

twoearsandaheart replied to your photoset “Hawks convention, day one! Photos - so normally I would have deleted...”

Waaaaait wait wait wait, I have been (way) outta the loop and like--I think I figured out why the random coke/toews refs; but what's this abt Sharpy and his little boo having a dust-up?

WELL. The scandalous rumors that floated around were many and plentiful, but namely:

- Sharpy punched a drunk Kaner at a local bar called The Pony (try saying that without cracking up, I dare you) and the punch was either over Sharpy sleeping with Kaner's girlfriend OR they were fighting over local meteorologist Cheryl Scott. I have seen it relayed several ways. Or he was just punching Kaner because Sharpy was out of control and Kaner sat at the bar after and "looked devastated". (Quoting from a rando's instagram.)

The "physical altercation" was referenced briefly in an article on why Sharpy was likely to be traded here. But I guess Kaner just has the most forgiving of hearts (or slept with Abby - to be clear, I AM STARTING THAT RUMOR, right here, I have not seen that one going around because I am JOKING RIGHT NOW I am joking an EXTREME AMOUNT. But possibly Kaner slept with Abby so he knew he had the punch coming and that's why he seemed to be in good spirits around Sharpy at the convention. Or he's just a good egg that forgives lots.)

You missed a lot of action while you were out of the loop, clearly.

twoearsandaheart replied to your photoset “Hawks convention, day one! Photos - so normally I would have deleted...”

did kaner shift things up with a navy polo this year, or is that just a...lighter shade of black?

It looked black to me, but now that you mention it...I dunno.

elqiao replied to your post “Because if anyone would, they would.”

I would die of 2ndhand embarrassment, but I'd also pay to see someone ask about tazer's co-kane habit