#merctxt

Hey folks who have me added on discord, please block my account @ roseofexorcism as the handle

I got phished and now they are using my account to try and get money out of y'all. Please stay safe and calm more importantly.

Block the account and report.

For those that I can remember I will add y'all when I get my new discord set up. If I don't remember you I deeply apologize, just reach out and I will add you.

as my mom once told some authoritative figure from my elementary school, she didnt want her precious child becoming a zombie from medicine (s)he did not 'need'.

to my mom, who will likely never see this: ive had plenty of doses of 'performing womanhood' and it's making me a zombie, mom. and you didnt want that. i know for certain i do not need it, as you were sure then that i did not need Ritalin for my undiagnosed adhd, except i know me better than anyone else. even you.

to myself: i refuse to leave my twenties behind with nothing to show for it. from what i've seen and read, your thirties are for being stable and finally being comfortable with yourself, as you still enjoy being in your prime somewhat, yet you have wisdom and knowledge that you might have longed for ten years prior (or even ignored outright in some cases).

this... really isnt a coming out post. most of you already know i am a trans man. and if you do not, now you know (and i cant blame you for not reading my about page or carrd, even though i try my best to make it short and sweet).

this is more of a thing for me. instead of putting it in a physical notebook and not looking back, i am putting it here as a declaration and proof of my tipping point. i have had enough.

however, i cant just start creating tension at home by asserting myself. at least not yet. i need a plan-- mostly of things i can do right now to improve my situation.

i must find better work while still somewhat closeted. i need to do this for other reasons, too, but if i got full time employment or even part time somewhere making 12 or more usd an hour, that would be a huge boon so i can save money.

i need to be able to legally drive. i am already working on this with my dad, and i am studying to get my learner's permit. this is actually higher on my priority list than number one, but since this is already in the works, i feel safe enough to look for work elsewhere at the moment.

set up a new email, resume, etc with my real name (fuck saying preferred name, raphael is my name, and you will fucking call me by that name).

i have said this since 2020, but a binder is a must if i intend to apply for jobs using a masculine name. i hope adding this layer of a professional need to it will make me suck it up and pay a good amount for a decent binder (or two).

this is the plan for now. hopefully by the time i start things like hrt down the road, i will have moved out or am in the process of moving out on my own, because my mom does not listen to me. none of my family listens to me except for my older brother.