#mepoem

Unable to cry like how I used to.

River of tears that could carry my heart away and my sorrowful blues.

Anger turns to frustration, I don’t know how to--I just can’t even

With the things going on in my life I can’t dance, draw, write like before 

And so I tried singing;

But my tone and my rhythm aren’t what it used to be;

his fetish for her curls 

got him entangled 

near her mind

Always seemingly going for things that are too good to be true.

We were friends, the weirdest and randomest.

We're together now, not much has changed.

It feels a little weird but comfortable.

The only thing that changes,

we can kiss and hug now, go out more often without so many questions.

You want your friends to meet me,

you think i'm too cool, but i feel the same towards you.

I like this, I like us.

You're just strange, and i'm pretty weird. It balances out.

Escaping the Reality of You 

When I look at you and I see a smile,

it's sunchine pulling through..the darkest clouds.

Even though now, you're never gonna see,

that I am the clouds that wish were right by you, by you again.

But anyway now that I have moved on,

I'm glad you can still shine, I'll miss it alone.

Just make sure you treat her right, it's best if we fend away, 

from what we used to be, no matter the chances you give.

For me and my soul to live happily, just smile for me..

tonight through the moonlight.

Forever in my heart, those memories that remind me of our fatee,

don't care about that now.

I'm perfectly fine living this life not acknowledging you, as one.

No matter the time or situation, I'll turn to someone else.

I promise I won't go back, back to your arms.

Now you have her so you just won't try again, to regain the friendship.

I'm fine with it now, just waiting for time to pass.

And i'll meet some new friends, you will be replaced.

But never forgotten, gave me something irreplaceable.

All those letters you wrote, I knew that it was real.

Seemed like a dream, but still i have some evidence.

If you did forget, i'll remember it and show you..

that darling, you were my only distraction.

Took me away from reality, like being lost in a story.

New outlooks on life, haven't venture before.

I'll see you in my dreams, the only way I'll be close to you.

Always by my side, alive with the love we were pursuing.

With pain put aside, I see us together forever in that world.

There's no limit to my weirdness anymore,

i'm not holding back, haven't tried to be normal in the slightest way.

I am who i am, and i'm fully embracing it, finally.

You let me be myself with no judging, i don't believe it.

I drove, you talked, and changed the CD's.

Bought tons of junk food, cause you said you were hungry.

We sang out loud as we handed each other imaginary microphones,

drivin out to the beach, close to midnight.

searching for a random place to eat, a park, a parking lot.

There we sat, munched on french pastries as the silence of the street was noticed.

Headed back, trying to reach my own curfew, when i never truly have one.

Listening to rap songs, blasting all the way down Beach Boulevard.

Singin, dancin, laughin, being weirdos without a care in the world.

I feel so comfortable here, there never seems to be enough time,

enough time to laugh and smile with you.

I can see it, we don't really want to part, yet we do.

A simple hug, a goodbye, a strange comment to have us part with smiles on our faces.

Instantly, we text and it's like we're back together again.

You showed me a picture of a wall in your room,

there was some patches, an old picture of you, a Peewee doll, and 

the red rose you wore for prom with the glow in the dark spider on it.

You said you had a picture of us on it, but thought it was creeper of him.

I laughed and couldn't help but smile at the thought of this,

"I have two ladies on my wall, you and me mom :D"

What does this mean?

I'm overjoyed.

I tell him, "Damn i'm finally someone! eee i'm awesome!"

"How are you awesome now? I've always thought you were pretty awesome"

Have me freeze this moment,

i want it to pause, cause i feel so high.

I like how this keeps continuing,

I can't put it so easily.

But i think I've fallen for you.

I need someone to pinch me,

Mind swirling tonight.

Thinking of you, thinking of him.

I look at myself now, how did i make it this far?

I can't turn back now, i am who i've made myself today.

this is where i stand, and i'm willing to wait.

Wait for some better things, an assurance of what's inside me.

I don't like to rush things,

i wait for fate to land me in the right and wrong places.

Hey, won't you wait there for me?

The smiles on my face are growing,

I'm dancing to the thoughts. The thoughts of you.

There's still that barrier, we both see it, we both follow it.

I just know, i'm glad i took the risks i did, it's lead me here,

The fire is burning in the center,

There we were sitting amongst them all.

My face is numb, my words are mumbled,

My eyes start crying, what does this mean?

You’re there; I’m here, sitting side by side with a cigarette between our fingers

My face is melting I feel it, and I tell you

You ask why I’m crying and wipe my tears.

It’s all because of my stupid self believeing in love,

I was telling you too much.

You stop me midsentence, tell me:

“Listen to me, you don’t change for anyone. Even if you think you love them.

If they love you, they won’t want to change you.”

I know he’s right, but I’m not in my right mind,

So I go on and keep saying no one accepts me, they all wanna change me.

He holds my face, “Do you see everyone here, your friends, they accept you, I accept you for who you are”

I start to smile as we’re staring into the fire, head in his lap.

Pulls me up, I’m fine on my own for now,

He’s holding his head and sighing as I ask him what’s going on?

He said he’s too near the fire, he needs to lay down.

He asks for my hand,

There we go, lay in the cool grass, his arm around me.

Face numb, unaware of surroundings, where is this heading? I’m not so sure now.

All I know is that I can’t stop smiling,

I’m there with you and I’m happy, I must be dreaming, this is too good to be true.

We start laughing, talking about stupid things, I say I’m cold..

You take out you’re sweater and cover me,

You say you’re cold and tell me to lay on you.

I can’t believe this is happening, I’m face to face with you, we’re kissing.

Talking between each kiss, a word escaped.

You keep repeating that I’m so cool, and I just that you’re so cute.

We start to laugh again and again, as we look around suspiciously.

You tell me about your dad, and what his name is,

How you don’t know where he is, he left when you were four.

You ask me why you’re telling me this, who knows, I sure don’t.

I start biting your face, I don’t know why but it feels so cool, you didn’t shave.

You laugh and say it feels cool.

It gets quiet and I hear a song and laugh, you ask what’s so funny?

“It’s that stupid song that goes, so this is crazy, but here’s my number so call me maybe.

But I already have your number”

“Then why don’t you call me?”

“Because you said it sounds all staticky”

He laughs at this, “Hey, that’s true. My shitty phone”

I ask if he knows the Blink 182 song,

He starts singing, we are singing, “say it aint so I will not go, turn the lights off, carry me home

Na na nan a na NA NA NA”

I give him a high five for knowing as song,

“I grew up listening to Blink”

I smile, and we keep on kissing

He smells like jolly ranchers, but we’re eating taffy.

It starts to get dark, the lights go out, parents come out,

He hides us and says “Act as if we’re one person”

They leave, we’re alone again, staring into each other’s eyes, its warm in his jacket.

It’s getting late, and he says I could go to his house,

“We could lay on the floor together, I’ll make you blueberry pancakes in the morning”

I must be dreaming, that wouldn’t be possible.

I’m in shock and disbelief. Yet he was being sincere.

“I would love to, but what would I tell my mom?”

“That’s true, you’ll get a spankin won’t you?” We laugh in whispered tones.

Him: “I’m being a Loki. Take you away to rape you”

I smack him and we laugh even louder now, but hush each other.

“You know I’m only foolin” “yea”

Our lips touch, they’re so soft.

I’m poking his face, my face isn’t numb, but the world seems dizzy.

He bites my fingers to stop poking his face,

And here I am again, went away to my future destination.

I missed you, but it was a kind of missing I could actually handle,

Back at home and I’m missing you just like before.

Constantly thinking of the possibilities, the things you might end up saying,

The anger you might spill over me if we do end up talking.

I can’t trust you as much as before, you killed it. I have this strong feeling that you will get angry and turn away from me again.

It sucks because I love you and I’m so fucking sure of it.

I’ve been hanging out with this amazingly weird guy,

Yet I can’t get you out of my mind, I can’t see me with him.

I can’t see me with you right now, I see it in my dreams, I keep in my mind I’m better off alone.

At times I think, damn I wish he was here with me, experiencing this.

I don’t know why or how love works, and I don’t feel like asking.

Let’s just say this bond we have together is so different and unforgettable,

It’s like morphine, it takes away all pain and the bad memories are left behind.

I’m willing to tell you everything,

I know you can only handle so much though.

I know you’re patience wears thin, I’m afraid you’re not strong enough to wait for me.

You said you want to talk as friends, if we would’ve kept talking we could’ve gotten back together on our anniversary.

I had it all planned out, we would talk again, become best friends again,

I’d make you a mix CD and put it on your car at night for you to listen.

It would say “I feel alone and tired, let’s start this again?”

But as for that, it stays in the past, you moved on and said you couldn’t handle me going to Prom with someone else.

I will admit I had fun without you, because it felt so freeing being away from you for a while.

It hurt me when I saw you with her, but then I could care less cause I knew what you we’re doing.

It’s all a cycle, you always come back.

I’ve become stronger, it doesn’t matter what I want anymore.

I want you, but that’s not necessarily what I need.

I’ve pulled through alone this long now, what makes you think I’ll give you a second chance?

You know too much that’s why,..I let you into my deep thoughts and dark heart.

I told you everything I was feeling to show you that I was capable of it,

I’m not changing, I’ll never change for you or for anyone. I took my stance and you took it as me not caring enough for you.

In the end don’t you realize, if you love someone you fucking accept them, don’t try to change them. If you wanted someone to be exactly the way you wanted them to be,

How easily boring would that be?

We only had about 3 disputes within our whole relationship,

We’ve had more when we weren’t together, do see what I’m getting at?

I don’t believe in that shit of lasting forever, or thinking of marriage.

If I want to live in the present …let me be,

I let you blab on about your future with me.

I heard that’s what you tell everyone you’ve been with recently,

To move out together go on living life as one.

I kept that in mind, and saw it all as bullshit,

How the fuck am I supposed to know  you’re real for the third time?

For the third fucking time, it pisses me off.

I’ve never given anyone a third chance,

Only the second.

But I’ve never been so strongly affected by someone like you,

My stomach still hurts whenever I encounter you,

It’s like it forcing my brain to not make me smile, but my heart sure does.

If only you could see it, if you could open your eyes and show me, not just say it.

I know nothing is easy but I know we might gain something out of all this,

I’m afraid your lack of patience is what’s going to kill it.

Do you remember the times we felt so comfortable with each other?

I felt so awkward and nervous around you at first,

But as time went by I felt the security of something in you that I could trust.

I don’t know what it was, it just felt right to tell you what I was feeling,

To tell you how you made me feel and what was actually bothering me.

I’m here alone again as always, listening to my music.

The music is all I can trust in now, and I cry when one comes up that reminds me of you.

It sucks so bad, it makes me sad.

I love these songs, and you’re image just comes on back.

I’ve never fought for someone, the only thing I’m fighting for now is another opportunity in soccer.

I guess I hope fate will accept it, and let me back out there to not fear no less another injury.

How do you feel? That’s what I’m aching to know,

I’m scared yet anxious to find out.

I hope I don’t shake and cry as I hear you out, but if I do I know I won’t care because it’s you.

Are you serious this time or are you just feeling lonely?

Do you just want to fall back on me because you know everything of me,

You know how much I care for you.

But you pushed me back again, and it hurts so much more the second time.

I’m willing to take the risk of getting hurt a third time,

You promised you never would, but those kinds of promises never fall through.

Now don’t get mad cause I broke a promise too,

I had to smoke, I’m sorry but I needed it to stop stressing,

To stop the stupid depression.

I see you at school now, I know you look my way,

But I just can’t look towards you, my stomach hurts and I hate it.

It just reminds me that I’m so drawn to you,

Always will be.

I doubt my feelings will ever change towards you and that’s sad,

Because if you know that, maybe you’ll just keep breaking my heart and coming back.

We’ve both tested it out, you more than me that is.

I went out with another guy, you went out with another girl.

Mine was just a date, you got committed to yours.

Do you see the difference? So if you have something to say about that,

Don’t you dare use that as an excuse.

I didn’t kiss him, I didn’t hold his hand, I didn’t do anything friends wouldn’t do.

You held her hand, you kissed some other girl at that dance.

But I’m not stressing, I’m not holding it against you now am i?

All I said was that I felt bad when you went to sadies with some girl,

And I had everything ready to ask you but you left me.

I told you ahead of time of my date, and explained how much of a friend he was,

But you just attacked the situation in the most negative way.

No reasoning, just crying, I know it hurt you.

You don’t think I wasn’t hurt when I knew what you did?

Fuck, open your eyes already. Am I wasting my time again?

I’m not gonna sit here and cry for you, write these 4 page poems about you,

I’ve confessed so much to you, and it was all from my heart to you.

You said some things and I felt they were real,

But then you turn away from the reality.

I’m not going to apologize anymore; I don’t feel obligated to do so.

I’m tired of getting fucked over,

And being told “Sorry, I fucked up” and leading me on,

I’m done as of right now.

It’s just so obvious,

“I saw you again and again and again,

There’s some room to move on, to move on, to move on..