#mentions.

i know that the people who really matter will respect my gender no matter what but also im so desperate for the acceptance of those around me and the support of my family i cant even bear to think about coming out the half of them when so many already dont think the best of me

when i dug out the old christmas outfit picture i ended up!! digging all the way back till before we mutually confessed this boiling sappy mess of feelings and. it really amazed me... how thoroughly i'd forgotten, just how restless and constantly upset and honestly?? craving something vital i used to feel before us. dea has always been my solid ground, and he was and continues to be my guarantee that everything will be ok. but i fear that... if we hadn't fallen into place, i would have eventually pushed him too far, or desperately tried to pull so much out of him that it'd have warped our relationship for good, put too much pressure and expectations onto him, and i cannot think of how disastrous that'd be... i can't imagine a world where i'd ever ruin and live without what i have with him, without him. he's to important for me not to be ingrained in his life. and it's funny because!! when we started exploring with us, i was. i was so convinced i'd never fall so deep again. i've been in love with our friendship forever, and i've always felt fluttery over the twist of your smile, the poetry in your motions. i worshipped your gifts and treasured our moments of laughter and open projected emotion together. after our first kiss, i knew we had that chemistry and i definitely adored that we could be something this intimate too, while never losing the fun edge and hell!! it was so easy to be curious about how it'd be to do more, to kiss you longer, touch you further, show you with all of me, how important you'd become, how much you'd moved me, how in flames i'd come to be under your witty, charming, beautiful influence. but i never thought it'd!!! be this easy to fall for you. even in the ways that were made so scary and unattainable and unpleasant before. you amaze me with how easily you healed all that, how easy you let me in, how warmly you helped me build a home in you. i never thought that fifteen months later i'd have exactly all the things i laughed about ever having, but!! in my own way! in terms that feel most natural to me!! and surrounded by people that just. make everything so much better. it's amazing because today i almost feel like that was the plan all along, but back then i had no idea i was headed towards this. i'm so happy we took every single risk. i'm so happy we trusted each other, and kept going. i'm so happy you fit so well with everyone else, and it's funny too how being this way with you also helped me! find a way to be fully at comfort with dea too. it gave me the wings to slide into place with him and i haven't been happier with how we are. it made me glow as i made new friends and supported all of new and old. it helped me find ways to love and accept and help myself too, where i didn't think i deserved.. and. you're my cornerstone. you made so much more of a difference than you think. i can't!! begin to express how much i love you. i'll let you tear me apart, i'll let you burn me whole. i'll let you do everything you ever want to me, always. love me, love me, love me. take me whole, don't you dare stop. i'm yours, so please hide nothing, keep not an inch of yourself from me. i'm knelt down by the thorough want of you.

@flightfxcilities oh my god was it really not you??? @hypnvsis <333 princess

get you a hype man like @tvmmykisses