I’ve talked about shifting the mental framework. I think I’ve suggested some ways to do that, but it’s been a while so let’s do it again!
One of the ways I do this is with a tactic I call “Second Thought”. I had this before therapy, because I was annoyed with myself for the judgments I’d cast on myself, and other people, with a glance. That is because these judgments were usually negative, and I didn’t want to be that person.
So, I began correct the thought, as soon as I noticed it. If it wasn’t positive, I changed it. I had to start somewhere, to change myself and the way I was taught to think, and if it meant constantly correcting my thoughts, so be it.
I didn’t want to judge people just by their looks, and I was big enough to admit my thoughts were subjective and not truths, brought up by the environment I was raised in (and to this day my dad still judges people’s looks harshly, but now I’m not agreeing with him, but remarking on something positive instead – even that very same thing he’s judging, because he does not care much for vibrant colors or patterns).
By doing this, I gained a skill that helped me with other kinds of thoughts. I could take a step back from them, and reconsider them.
Such as the irrational part of death anxiety I mentioned – where “thinking about death will bring death”, or “doing this thing means I die afterwards”.
Those are both terribly irrational, and I will continue to call them out on being irrational, because it helps.
My experience? Arachnophobia.
I have learned all about which spiders are a threat to me, so that when I see one that isn’t, even if I flinch, I can reconsider my response to it after that flinch. “This spider is not going to harm me, I can leave it where it is.”
“This spider is outside and doing it’s job, it is also not a threat to me.”
“This spider is inside the house, but out of the way and in a room I don’t occupy much.”
I am getting gradually better at not killing spiders simply for existing in my sight. Just as I am getting better at making sure my thanatophobia does not hinder me as much.
So, you can start this process of second thought, with anything, and the skill will build up and be able to cross over into other things. It’s a great tool for helping you deal with problematic thoughts and thought patterns you learned in your younger years, especially if you know it’s not how you want to continue to think. The struggle may be finding out how to redirect your thoughts. That may take some work.
Just citing “this is irrational” may not be enough. Citing examples of other things you’ve lived through may not be enough, because we know that something is going to kill us. These are what help me, but if they do not help you, keep working on it, and keep trying other ways to think about it, until you build a positive framework for yourself.
But don’t stop correcting the thought and calling it out while you’re working for something better. Acknowledging the thought as “wrong” is, in and of itself, a good thing to do.
