#mental analysis

(The person below is an example of someone who likely had aspd and npd. She is not the standard for those with the condition,s and she is mentioned to later build Stella.)

There was a woman in my family who very likely had aspd (and I suspect npd) who abused and then murdered her very loving and doting husband (we'll call him 🐶). Parallels indeed. That said, despite my hatred of her, I learned of her complexity as I aged.

Like Stella, this person (we'll call them 🐱) was a local socialite. She was respected by the community, won many awards, had many papers written about her, and even has streets and buildings named after her. Behind closed doors, however, she was very secretive and abusive to her entire family.

But there were implications that 🐱, like Stella, endured some form of sexual trauma outside of her nuclear family, which, by all accounts of her siblings, was a normal family. The siblings were kind and normal, too, according to the accounts of those 🐱 abused.

🐱 did not want to be a mother, but did so because of societal expectations. She came from a position that, like Stella, women could only gain security through marriage.

If Viv wrote Stella with any complexity, she would understand that Stella values her public image. In fact, it could be presumed from her plot with Andrealphus and non-canon Instagram posts that Stella only endures remaining with Stolas because [1] she's societally and financially worthless without him and [2] his pedigree gives her social and financial comfort.

Stolas cheating on Stella would upset her, not because she cares for their relationship (she doesn't) but because she would view the sacrifice of her body, interests, and time as worthless. His adultery would remind her that he gets to gallivant and fuck around with no consequence (unless revealed, but the show fucks that up), whereas she can't.

What's crazy is that the show could've done something amazing. It should've shown the contrast of Stolas spending time with Octavia out of sincere love, whereas Stella only does so because of societal expectations.

That is, have Stella publicly spend time with her because it affirms her role, whereas Stolas, who should be buried in books, actually spends time teaching her and engaging her interests at home. Have Stella pressure Stolas to teach her magic, referring to the book on the floor, after walking in on them putting glowing stars on her ceiling instead or some shit. That would be a good foil.

And this foil is inspired by what 🐶 would do with his children in my family... A man who, despite how horrible his wife was, still made the time to try to make the lives of his children good. To elevate them beyond that house and to survive on their own because of the hell 🐱 put them through physically and mentally.

But we don't get any of this contrast.

There's nothing showing that Stella is just as much of a victim as Stolas, but unlike him, she's cold and distant. Nothing is showing how she could exploit Octavia's need for emotional connection with a parent by Stella pretending to care, something people with aspd often do to get what they want.

And worse still, there's a lost potential in the foils of Stella and Octavia.

Both, like Stolas, are bred for societal roles. Octavia, like Stella, is a female who will likely be bred off because of her pedigree, and like Stolas, will be forced into a job she had no choice in.

I imagine in this moment Stella being upset for her daughter. Perhaps a singular budding moment of true empathy she cannot fully recognize or refuses to. There's so much that could be explored here if only this weren't the yaoi slop show...

Making Stella an explored and layered character only bolsters the complexity of Octavia and Stolas. But yea. Fuck it, I guess.

Also, you don't have to have Stella beating the shit out of Stolas to make him a victim of abuse. Especially if you're going to do a horrible job at it. And I say this because of how 🐱 treated 🐶 like - the execution really bothers me. In fact, with clever writing, I think you could really do some interesting things with emotional abuse.

Have Stolas be a man with maladaptive daydreaming, unaware of how conniving and subtle Steall really is. Or if Stella does beat him, it's absolutely with the reassurance of them being in isolation like 🐶 was with 🐱.

[1] This used to be extremely bad when I was a teen and young adult, but I still have bouts of this. I'll either reach out and try to talk about it when I perceive or realize a shift in someone I value, or straight up ghost - likely forever.

[2] If someone who's consistently been good to me starts to shift, I have a higher chance of giving the benefit of the doubt (I used to not). But it depends on the level and consistency of the shift. If it feels or is notable or severe, I internally freak out and ruminate. Again, mostly towards people of moderate to high interest. This can apply to people of low interest if I'm really going through shit. A mutual I'm not close to unfollows me? I'm muting and or blocking them everywhere. 8')

[3] This used to be very bad in my late teens to mid-20s. Then I started making progress in my personal and career goals, and my self-esteem and sense of self began to solidify. Then I lost most of that progress in 2023 and have been spiraling ever since.

[4] I've only ever recklessly drove 3-4x in my life. I used to have periods of little to no eating (I miss those). I can't think of any criteria here that are consistent.

[5] Lol. Lmao even...

[6] I've learned not to trust my emotions near my period or during certain periods in the day. If things in life are going well, I tend to have an easier time controlling my frame of mind and emotional state. If not, almost every little thing freaks me out.

[7] When my life and career were on track, this was rare. But now this feeling is near constant.

[8] I don't physically fight anyone. But I can become very angry, more internally than externally. My coping mechanism is to catch it before it gets to that point, let the person know I'm getting agitated, and to walk it off for a half hour, then come back to the issue to resolve it.

[9] Even when things are good, I sometimes get a paranoid fear that it's not really me experiencing those things or that it's kind of a dream? When things are perceived as really bad? Yea. All the fucking time.