I wonder if I’m still 12 in my middle school best friends’ minds, they way they are in mine, running around the neighborhood in Hollister hoodies and Victoria’s Secret yoga pants past our curfews. Even though we all went to high school together, this is how I remember them.

My little sister is forever 7 or 8, full of life and spunk and sass, putting on dance performances in the living room, even though I just celebrated her nineteenth birthday with her last week.

My high school boyfriend is still that sweet, scrawny seventeen year old boy with braces and a warm smile, even though I still follow his mom on Facebook and see updated photos of him and his fiancé often.

I wonder how that boy from college that was an almost-lover remembers me now. Even though I can still look him up on Instagram, in my mind we’re always twenty-one, in a crowded bar on St. Patrick’s Day drinking sticky green beer. I wonder if I’m forever a picture of laughter and 2016 eyeliner, the way he’s flashes of intense brown eyes across the booth and messy hair and a crooked smile.

I was inspired by all the icons I was seeing for the franchise lol Ik those front facing icons were actually kinda popular for people to make for both canon characters and oc's but I haven't seen em around as often. They're just a fun little thing for me to do to keep me busy.

I don't remember much from my last read of the Silmarillion, it was over 10 years ago, I didn't understand what was going on and why were there so many people with Fin in their name. I remember Aule making the Dwarves, Aredhel marrying Eol and then getting killed, Saruon having werewolves and turning into a vampire (mostly because I thought it was hilarious), and the stuff with Sauron and Numenor and the rings. Everything else is a blur of people who's names I could not remember fighting each other and Morgoth. (I have found this time around that looking at lots of fanart helps with remembering who is who)

However I have a very clear memory of the Silmarillion part of the book (before the rings of power and Numenor stuff) ending with something along the lines of ,

"The last two sons of Feanor stole the silmarils, but blinded by their oath they drew their swords on each other so that each might take the Silmarils for himself alone. And the earth, seeing the terrible deed they would commit, swallowed the eldest and his Silmaril before he could slay his brother. And the last son, seeing at last how much grief and evil the Silmarils had brought, ran to a cliff and threw himself and the Silmaril into the sea, calling on the ocean to hide the Silmaril until the world should be remade. And it is said that wanderers on that shore heard the faint sound of his last cry echo amidst the crash of the waves".

This is not in the Silmarillion.

I checked.

Several times.

It is vaguely similar, but I don't quite know why it is such a clear memory when it is also so very wrong.

My best guess is that I thought it should have ended with them trying to kill each other, because they were Doomed and that seemed more fitting to 13 year old me, than "they retrieved the Silmarils but they had become so evil they burnt their hands, one of them threw himself in a chasm and the other sang songs for all eternity"

I am suddenly doubting all my other very clear memories, what if they were invented by my brain too?! Maybe that snow white story with a fish instead of a mirror and a splinter instead of an apple was just my imagination and that's why no one else remembers it! What is real??! "collapses in a pile of memories"

- w/ his mom before the theater

- cursing at carol

- "no hablo ingles" and "salida" in witches

I’ve only been on tumblr for like, maybe a year (or less actually...I think I started summer 2018??) And it feels like Forever and like, a Month all at once.

I felt like today was long but also super super short, this last week felt like a day but also forever.

I’ve had a whole LIFE and it also feels like It’s summarized in like, a year.