#member!reader

As the youngest member of Stray Kids, you did have to admit you were coddled rather often, despite your protests. Maybe it was because you joined the group late, your former group having fallen apart from scandals, leaving you the only one clean and heartbroken. Chan, who you had known as a trainee, the girl who he thought of as his little sister away from home, knew how devastated you would be if years and years of training went down the drain. After a long discussion with the company, he surprised you at your dorm: you, the newest and youngest member of Stray Kids.

Grateful for this second chance, you poured yourself into becoming the perfect idol- avoided dating rumors like the plague, trained long into the night perfecting your body control and expressions on stage, always having a witty and fun remark ready during interviews, and showering your fans in adoration.

After all, you knew far better than any member how easily an idol’s career could fall to ruin with a single wrong move. Your leader had been caught on a date and slandered in media, ruining her ‘pure’ image. The former main dancer of your group had gotten injured and forced to take a hiatus during a comeback, and fans called her ungrateful. Your mentor and the group’s lead vocalist faced immense backlash for collaborating with a Western artist who turned out to have committed felonies, despite the collaboration having been pre-recorded and her not knowing at all.

One by one, each of them couldn’t take the constant hatred, and rebelled, despite you begging them not to risk their careers. But as the youngest, they simply shook their heads, and even now, you still heard your leader, adjusting your mic before you went on stage, “One way or another, my name will always be dragged through the mud and spat on. Shouldn’t I at least go out with a show to make them even madder?”

Your leader was caught on film tearing up a far-too revealing dress her ambassadorship had forced her to wear for an event, and instead wearing an outfit she designed for herself.

The main dancer disappeared from interviews, promotions, vlogs, focusing instead on her physical recovery after she had returned from hiatus early due to pressure from the fans, only worsening the injury.

Your lead vocalist had the worst downfall- and as the one you had been the closest to, the one that broke your heart the most. She was caught at clubs, raves, smoking in public, and living an ordinary life. When staff was rude, she would snap back. When they disrespected her, she flat-out refused to cooperate.

A week after none of them renewed their contracts- and neither did you, for without a group, there was nothing you could do- that was when Chan found you. Since that day, you’d found a new family, and this time, you wouldn’t lose them.

Last week, after multiple promotional shoots and collaborations, Dior (Jisung was insanely jealous) finally reached out- asking you to be their global ambassador. Elated to have your first ambassadorship, you immediately agreed, and received a gold-outlined invitation soon after inviting you for your first public appearance for the brand.

“That’s the dress they sent you?” Minho’s nose scrunched up, visible disgust on his face. You didn’t really see the problem- your former leader had been sent more degrading outfits. This one was beautiful, with a sweetheart neckline, a black corset and soft, silvery fabric. It might be a little cold, considering it was sleeveless, but Dior had assured you that you could accessorize however you liked. And the dress went past the knees too, so if you wore stockings and some silk gloves, it’d be alright.

“Might as well have sent you a ball of yarn,” Hyunjin nodded seriously in agreement.

“Why don’t you just wear a hazmat suit instead? I hear those are all the latest rage,” Han joked, causing you to side-eye him.

“You three are way too old-fashioned. Yah, Hyunjin, weren’t you practically undressing on stage at KBS?” you shot, still digging through your jewelry box. You knew you had the perfect golden chain necklace to pair with the dress, but it was nowhere to be found.

It was the last gift from the lead vocalist of your group before she moved to Japan. She knew you didn’t have the heart to give up on your dream quite yet, and it had been your good luck charm for all these years. Every stage outfit, award ceremony, it was always there, tucked under your collar or not, a quiet reminder to stay strong in the industry.

She had texted you after seeing a tweet announcing rumors of your ambassadorship, and you’d confirmed happily that you were accepting the offer. After some well-wishes, she briefly mentioned she’d look for livestreams of you on the red carpet, and you wanted to show her you were still doing well. That you still remembered your old group.

“Looking for this?” Chan stood by the doorway, with the necklace in his palm. You smiled in delight, nodding.

“Here, sit down. I’ll help you put it on. Are you that excited for tonight?” Chan teased, unclipping the back of the chain.

“Of course! Ah, I hope I do alright in front of the cameras.” Cameras had always been your weakness. No time to prepare a response beforehand, they were quick and instantaneous, directions coming at you from all directions. Over the years, you’d gotten the hang of switching poses and following orders by photographers, but you’ve always had your members with you, there as a safeguard if you missed an instruction or faced the wrong way. They were there to point out which cameras to look at, and never let the photographers take up too much time.

“You’ll do fine,” Felix snorted, strolling in without a single regard and plopping onto your bed. “Hey, why’s your dress so revealing? Where are the sleeves?”

“This is coming from Mister Flash-STAYs-After-Every-Concert?” you scoffed, running a hand through your hair. “And you have like, eight ambassadorships, you can’t talk.”

“Yeah, leave some for the rest of us,” Hyunjin grinned.

“Don’t you have enough already?” Minho raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, look at Sir Gucci over here-”

“Okay, ‘Versace Prince’? Sound familiar?”

“What do you think the fans will call her, then?” Changbin was here too, it turns out. Your room was getting pretty cramped, but Felix scooted aside on your bed, leaving Changbin space to flop across his stomach. “Dior Queen?”

Jeongin, scrolling on his phone, took a spot against the wall as he walked in. “STAY’s actually betting on that right now. Dior Fairy is in the lead, so far.”

You smiled at your maknae-partner-in-crime. “I like that one.”

“Yeah, you’re as short as a fairy,” Seungmin added, eyeing the dress on your closet hangar and grimacing. “What is that, a garbage bag?”

“It’s called fashion, Seungmin, which you clearly don’t have.” you stuck your tongue out at the menace, who responded by pinching your cheek. “Ow! Kim Seungmin!”

“Go poke Innie’s cheeks, Seungmin,” Chan suggested. “He seems unoccupied.”

“Hey, why me???”

You laughed as Seungmin eagerly caught a mid-escape I.N, both of them tripping and falling onto Changbin on the bed, who let out an oomph.

This was your new family. Eight loud and annoying brothers who didn’t know anything about personal space, but you loved them nonetheless (Except maybe during game night. There was no love to be had during Monopoly when Felix makes you pay him for landing on Boardwalk Ave.)

No matter what, you would never risk losing them.

***********************

Everything had been going fine. Why had it gone wrong? Why did you end up like this? The red carpet had gone smoothly, you had obeyed every instruction with a perfect smile, greeting every staff and guest with a warm tone and then he was there.

Immediately, he gave you the creeps, shivers all over your body that you blamed on the crisp autumn air. His gaze had been fixated on you for a while, occasionally even biting his lip and eyes scanning you all over shamelessly. Not only, but you had seen him even feeling up other women in the crowd, many who looked at him with disgust, but in a gala full of cameras, you couldn’t omit greeting a single guest who you came across.

You’d smiled politely, shaking his hand, managing to pull away with some decorum despite his grip lingering. He’d merely responded to your greeting with an “uh-huh”, looking everywhere except meeting your eyes. And when he did, something seemed so malicious about it, the way his eyes narrowed, crinkling underneath, the toothy grin he gave you, the same look that leering staff had given the vocalist of your group before she chewed them out with a biting ferocity.

But you couldn’t. Couldn’t find the bravery, with all eyes on you as the newest ambassador of the event host. All you could do was nod once again, the smile on your face quickly losing its sincerity, and find your seat as the lights dimmed.

Four hours of socializing and networking later, mentally drained, you found a secluded corner of the ballroom. Seeing no cameras around, you breathed a small sigh of relief, leaning down to adjust your heels before the open-guest part of the gala began- as in, those who had bought tickets could come to spectate the newest fashion collections and begin placing orders. As one of the models for the latest line of the Dior makeup, you definitely needed a quick breather before going to the stylist to prepare.

Hearing footsteps, you quickly stood up straight, heel strap still half-loose. It didn’t do good to look undignified in front of the media- so you quickly smiled, ready to greet whoever was approaching- until you saw those eyes.

The same man, the same photographer from before. Every survival instinct told you to nod, wave politely, and take off. Hide in the crowd. Every sign told you he was up to no good.

But your eyes were fixated on the camera around his neck. One finger hovering over the record button, ready to broadcast scandal to the world.

It was a memory that had stained you for years. That lead vocalist of your group, who you admired and followed dutifully like a bright-eyed deer, was cornered backstage before a performance. You had searched the whole set for her at the staff’s instructions, only to hear jeers and boos erupting from the crowd. There, on the screen, was a live playback of the staff member attempting to feel her up, only for her to resort to physically shoving him away when demands failed.

The clip had gone viral in a matter of hours. Apparently, that was the last straw of the ‘fans’, the same ones who had worshipped her like some divine being instead of a human with a heart, were now slandering her for supposedly acting high and mighty. Not even two days later, the company sent out official notice that she was going on an extended break.

That extended break turned into a refusal to resign her contract when the time rolled around.

The fear gnawed at you, crawling under your skin, whispering inside your head. Forcing you to open your mouth and greet him. Screaming at you to ignore the way his tongue swept across his lower lip.

You took a slow step backwards when he took one forward. Then another. And then you felt the wall behind you, and he wasn’t stopping his advance either.

It was a secluded corner. Just outside the ballroom, near the bathrooms, but with all the models having to go to the stylists soon, none of them could afford to be late with a quick trip to the restroom.

He made a comment about your dress. The deep neckline. It seemed to be buzzing like television feedback in your ears, as you looked everywhere except at him.

Then one hand was placed on your shoulder, a sick feeling pulsing through your body. You tried to politely decline. Change the topic. All the words leaving your mouth felt so foreign, as if you had lost control of your body, unable to fight, defenseless and at the whims of everything that had haunted you in the past.

You thought it would be easy. Your members had tried to convince you to leave the industry with them, but you thought you were strong. Hubris convinced you it’d be simple and easy to avoid making waves in the media. This was your dream after all.

Was it your dream to be subjected like a wounded lamb to every flashing light?

The hand didn’t stop at the shoulder. It moved towards your chin, one thumb about to swipe over your lips, and you couldn’t think, couldn’t move, couldn’t scream out for help. A distant announcement told you it was the final call for all models to head to their fitting rooms.

“Shouldn’t you go get ready?” he crooned. “Or are you having too much fun here, slu-”

One singular instinct kicked in. A single moment where you came back to your body, but an instant was all you needed. All because of a strange, distant memory from the first mistake you’d made as a member of Stray Kids.

One night, you’d been crying after a stumble in a performance, and the boys had come to console you when you skipped dinner. And despite your screams and protests, all eight had tackled you in a dogpile, practically suffocating you but you were laughing through the tears, the memory of your mistake swept away by the moment.

“I know the voices get loud sometimes. We’re always here to swat them away, okay? You just need to call for us.”

“Yeah! Swat those voices away like bugs!”

“Oh, what’re you gonna do, use taekwondo on imaginary voices?”

“You’re our little sister now, don’t be worried!”

“If you want, you can come to the gym with me, we can get shredded and fight the media together!”

“Yeah, who would ever dare speak up against Seungmin’s noodle arms?”

“I’m going to cancel your Crunchyroll subscription if you say that again.”

“The point is,” Chan cleared his throat, wiping one stray tear away. “We protect each other. You don’t have to cry alone anymore. Just one word, and we’ll be there, alright? No matter what.”

So, you screamed. As loudly as you could, even if your brothers were asleep and a city away, they would protect you in the strength they gave you. Knowing that even if you were caught, even if you were dragged through the mud online, they would be there for you.

Little did you know, they weren’t a city away. They’d been waiting in your fitting room, Felix holding a cake, all of them ready to surprise you. But one, two, five minutes after all models had been called to their rooms- yet yours still stood vacant, all of them knew something was wrong. You were practically the epitome of timeliness- usually kicking each of them out of bed on busy schedule days. Once, in Han’s case, you had dragged him by the ankles downstairs and onto the car when he refused to wake up, still clutching his pillow.

Maybe you were ill? In that case, Hyunjin (using his brain, for once) deduced you’d probably be in the bathrooms. Chan, Minho, and Changbin went to search the second floor, Felix and Han took the left wing atrium, Seungmin and Jeongin tried the right, and Hyunjin was about to follow them until he heard your scream.

Not a single subtle bone in his body, he took off in that direction, turning a corner, and seeing the man holding a hand over your mouth after you had screamed out, the other hand toying with the straps of your dress. Pale and paralyzed with fear, your eyes darted towards the sound of footsteps, though the man somehow hadn’t realized someone was there, caught up in his ‘success’.

Hyunjin. By some miracle, who knew how, he was there. It didn’t even take him a second to realize you needed help.

Obviously, the most reasonable thing to do was grab the glass wine cup at the table beside him, sneak up behind the man, and the moment his head swiveled around, smash it against his forehead.

You could’ve laughed with relief as you slumped against the floor, heart threatening to give out. At the crash, the rest of the members on the first floor came running over, seeing you curled into a ball, tears glistening and head buried in your knees as Hyunjin continued to spit venom at the bleeding man, clutching his skull and howling in misery.

The phrase Felix sees, Felix does, certainly applied, because Felix didn’t even hesitate before joining Hyunjin in beating the man up. Bruises had already began to swell over, a black eye apparent, but that visibly wasn’t enough to satisfy the pair.

Jeongin went to you first, glaring at the man all while holding your head to his chest gently. You continued to cry, Seungmin rubbing your back assuredly, showing a considerable amount of restraint to not beating the crap out of the photographer.

By the time Seungmin had texted the three eldest members to come over, the camera lay broken and lens shattered somewhere a dozen feet away.

Of course, Chan went into crisis management mode. He texted everyone, all his connections, your stylist, personal manager, a few Dior staff members, that there had been an ‘unfortunate accident’ where a man had attempted to attack you when you were alone. All attendees were simply told that there had been a commotion caused by a violent man, which you happened to be in the vicinity of, and the event was placed on pause.

“Hey, you want me to tell the police that you beat him up all by yourself?” Changbin joked softly. All of you were currently in your dressing room, a blanket wrapped around you tightly. By the time security arrived, the man had been beaten in such terrible shape that it took them half an hour to identify what he looked like beneath Hyunjin, Felix, Changbin, and Han’s pummeling.

“I GOT THE HOT CHOCOLATE!” Han yelled in victory, stumbling into the room with a steaming thermos. You tried to smile gratefully as he handed it to you. None of the members had yet to ask what happened, thankfully, because you were still unravelling from the events and fear paralysis. Chan had insisted on finding you a medic, but after a short checkup, the worried members were told that you were still in shock.

“Why does it look like it’s more marshmallow than hot chocolate?” Minho raised an eyebrow disapprovingly.

“Because I care,” Han sniped back. A small chuckle escaped you, and all your members quickly turned to look at you.

“She speaks!” Jeongin gasped, causing you to glare at him witheringly. That didn’t stop Felix from poking your cheeks, a bright grin on his face, despite your attempts to escape his cuddly affection.

“I’m ordering takeout from the jajangmyeon place near our dorms. You want anything?” Hyunjin asked you. You thought for a bit, and Hyunjin walked up to you to show you the online ordering app.

“I already ordered seven spicy pork black bean combos-”

“Are you trying to kill our old man?” Changbin gasped incredulously. “You know that dad here can’t eat anything spicier than lemonade, right?”

“I’ve seen him choke on lemonade before, so we might need to reconsider that,” Seungmin scoffed. Chan rolled his eyes, clearly exasperated at his children’s antics.

“I’ll just have a sesame jajangmyeon. Have you decided yet?” he glanced at you, who was still concentratedly scrolling through the phone. Han leaned over to spy, and immediately grabbed the phone from you without warning.

“Yah! Why’re you scrolling through Dispatch?” Han accused, his voice a bit louder. All the other members turned alert, joking expressions fading into the worry they had all been hiding for the past hour.

You pulled the blanket tighter around you, staring at the ground, trying to hide the tears prickling at your eyes.

The others looked at each other, and Jeongin first got on his knees, forcing you to stare at him, body quivering.

“Nobody’s going to harass you about what happened,” Jeongin began. “And it’s definitely, definitely not your fault.”

You still didn’t speak, eyes glued to the phone Han had confiscated from you. Following your gaze, Han tossed Hyunjin’s phone into the trash can.

“I’m going to need that back.” Hyunjin muttered, but his tone softened towards you. “And you… anyone who tries to spread misinformation about you will end up like that guy, got it? We’ll make sure of it.”

A chorus of agreements, and finally, the tears all flooded out of you. Chan held you against his chest, gently rubbing the back of your head.

“There’s something else bothering you, isn’t there?” Chan asked quietly. “The reason you weren’t able to fight back.”

Through some miracle, you managed to hiccup out a few words, leaning back to wipe your eyes. “You’re my family. I didn’t want to lose you because of a scandal or hate. So I couldn’t move- I- I got scared- it was like I was frozen, and what if you didn’t want me in Stray Kids anymore? Because I couldn’t even handle such a small problem like this professionally?”

Chan’s brow furled. “That wasn’t a small problem, and don’t try to downgrade it. You were in immediate danger, your career should’ve been the last thing on your mind.”

“You handled that better than any of us could’ve, let’s be honest,” Seungmin added. “Didn’t Hyunjin practically leap at the man and crack a bottle over his head?”

“And I stand by it,” Hyunjin said proudly. “But promise us this, okay? Your career, us, we should never come before yourself.”

“You’re not going to get rid of us that easily,” Felix assured. You stifled a laugh that came out more like a sob, accepting the tissues that Minho handed you.

You settled back in your seat, relaxing shoulders and trying to remain calm. Taking a deep breath and, upon hearing the words of permission, smiling at the camera.

“Hello, hello, I'm y/n y/l/n and this is WIRED's self-complete interview, where I answer the most researched questions about myself.”

After finishing the introduction, the production handed you the first plate of Google searches.

“To be honest, I'm freaking out” you took a deep breath again, leaving the board in your lap “I'm usually accompanied by four guys to answer all the questions for me.”

You started to giggle when you heard the laughter of the people behind the cameras. Muttering an 'I'm ready', lifting the plate, arranged it so that you could read and propped it up on your legs.

“'What does y/n do?'” reading out loud and throwing the sticker on the floor. You gave a big smile, proud “I'm part of a band called 5 Seconds of Summer, I'm the keyboardist and also vocal when we need it.”

“'What does y/n wear?'” pressing your lips together, looking at the papers on the floor “Usually some boots with high heels, I have to at least try to compensate, you know? It's hard to stand next to four Australians who are almost six feet tall.”

You shrugged, grinning at the camera.

“'What does y/n listen to?' Stupid jokes and good music.”

“'Does y/n have a tattoo?'”you stared at the plate for a while “Great question! But my grandma's watching, so I'll just go to the next one.”

You get excited, happy by the smiles in the room, always used to noise and chatter, a warm atmosphere.

You placed the question board on the floor, soon having another one being placed in your hands.

“'y/n how tall?'” moving your head in denial mode, you laugh a little “That's a secret that will be buried, let's just say I'm average, I swear.”

You waved your hand, pulling out the tape of the next question.

“'y/n sang Wonderwall?' Yes, I did, and I think every beginning singer in the world did too” you laughed, shaking your head, remembering your mother recording the performance while you danced with the new sandals she got you for Christmas. You pulled out the last tape.

“'y/n dating?'” you gave a surprised sigh, smiling directly at the camera “am I?”

卌

You were leaning against the window, your body occupying two seats of the bus. The camera in your hands, recording some scenes for the band's tour diary.

“Is it just me or is there smoke coming out of the bus?” Your conversation with the camera was interrupted by Mike.

Randall approached, asking everyone to get off as soon as the bus stopped on the roadside.

“Come on, let's go.” you walked to the last seat, shaking Ashton until he woke up.

Luke got off the vehicle, looking at all the cars passing by and then, noticing the huge amount of smoke coming out of the transport.

“Is it on fire?!” a sleepy Ashton asked, stopping beside him.

Hemmings confirmed, watching Ash throw his blanket and pillows on the grass, he sat down.

“Are you really going to lie there?”

“I don't think this is the sort of thing they'll fix quickly.”

Soon you were at the bus door, but instead of getting off, you threw yourself onto the grass, rolling over until you were near the two men.

“Do you guys always come here?” you asked, smiling. But your pose was shattered when you had to wipe grass from your mouth.

Looking at the bus, you pick up the camera and record again.

“Our bus is on fire! It couldn't handle all our talent.” focused the lens on the smoke “Is this a good time to sing Easier?”

“It's a bad time to be singing anything.” Calum grumbled, sitting down on the grass as well.

You stared at him, shrugging.

“Until they fix it, we can have a party on the road!”

“A terrible idea, I give you five seconds to think of a better one.” Hood grumbled.

“Calum, you can go down by the road and hitchhike.”

“y/n, do you know the little voice in there?” Mike approached, putting his finger on your forehead. “It would be nice to ask her opinion about what you're going to say before you speak.”

You laughed, showing him your tongue. You looked at the vehicle again.

“The bus's kinda hot though…”

卌

Luke was sitting on the couch, throwing Chips at Mike to get his attention.

“For God's sake, man, what do you want?” he turned to him, throwing his arms up.

“I'm bored!”

“Good morning, family!” You opened the door, smiling and speaking loudly.

“What happened?” Clifford grimaced.

“What do you mean, my dear friend?” You opened your arms, good humour exuded from every pore “Why can a bad day be a bad day just because you woke up on a bad day, but a good day can't just be a good day because you woke up on a good day?”

You raised your eyebrows, wiggling them suggestively. The man rolled his eyes.

“Let's do something! It's a day too beautiful to stay inside.”

“It's raining, y/n.” Michael replied, clicking his tongue.

“Let's go in the rain!” Luke stood up from the sofa, getting excited at the idea.

“That's the spirit!” you got even more excited, being infected with Hemmings joy.

“Wasn't a rehearsal the reason we are here?” Mike asked no one in particular “You guys can't be serious, is anyone listening to me? It's a terrible idea.”

Ashton watched Clifford's drama, not really wanting to take a side, but already putting on his shoes.

“It's like watching an episode of SpongeBob.”

Calum laughed upon hearing his friend's observation, getting up from the sofa and walking to the door.

Luke and you were dancing in the street, the sky was closed, almost no light sneaking through the clouds. The raindrops falling on both of them as they swirled on the asphalt.

Hood smiled, running towards the two and joining in the dance, his steps making you laugh and clap your hands.

“If you don't want to come and dance, you'll have to sing for us!” you screamed, as if there were no other options available.

Irwin looked at his friend still sitting on the couch, the two exchanged glances.

“Okay, okay.” Mike stood up, taking off his cap and placing it on the nearest dresser.

Ash stood in the doorway, smiling, he reached for his mobile phone, recording the scene. It seemed a moment too special to not be remembered.

You entered the garage, slamming the door brutally.

“What do you think you're doing?” crossing your arms, you stand in front of the four of them.

“It's over, birdie, get over it.” Mike grumbled, throwing the tennis ball against the wall. The pet name almost made your anger go away. Almost.

“Clifford, have you gone mad?” he frowned, looking at his three friends, seeing them in the same situation. “This is a nightmare, I must have drunk something by mistake, you can't be serious!”

You had no answer, hands dropped to the sides of your body, a feeling of helplessness taking over. You hated to see them sad, but despondent about their dream? Your dream? This was even worse.

“Come on, we're the star band, right?” you stared at your four best friends, saying with obviousness. The boys begrudgingly murmured agreement, even if they didn't know exactly what that phrase meant, it seemed important to you, so they weren't going to disagree, even if it was hard to believe they were close to being something great.

You kicked Ashton in the leg, signaling for him to stand up, and did the same to Calum, but giving his boot a light kick.

“Come on, guys! We're not an opening act anymore! People don't come a long way to see someone and then bump into us. People come a long way to see us! People like us, Mike! They like our music! Awards are nice and nominations are nice, but we're being recognized by people who have us for inspiration! Is there anything more valuable than that?”

You stared into his eyes, couldn't believe in the dream without Mike, there was no 'us' without Mike.

“Stars, Cliff, stars.” you smiled at him “Five points.”

卌

Irwin approached you, one hand holding a camera.

“Are we recording this?” you frowned at the camera, tapping Ashton lightly on the shoulder.

“It's a music video, I think that's the idea.”

You snorted, shooing him away.

“You know what I mean.”

“We'll have a Behind the Scenes too.”

“Oh, that's nice” you said, this time with a lot of excitement in your voice “I didn't know you were going to be the cameraman this time.”

“It's a special occasion, I decided to interview the stars, I started with you because you're everyone's favorite.”

“And the first person you find.”

“That too.” The man agreed, looking around the venue, people were walking everywhere. “How are your emotions recording such a special clip?”

“Honestly, I've cried so much I don't think I have any water left in my body.” you were laughing as soon you finished the sentence, even if it was a little bit true. “Look at this…”

You took out your wallet, showing him and the camera some of the photos in there.

“This is me at Easter, I was very happy for the egg that comes with a hamster. I was also too old to have been disappointed when I discovered that the hamster wasn't real.”

“It's a lovely picture, you and your father look very much alike.” Ash commented, running his hand over it.

“Do you think so?” you looked at him, watching him confirm. “That's my stepdad.”

You started to laugh, making him laugh too, even if he was a little stunned.

“How many years have you known me, Irwin? Honestly…” he denied it with his head, facing the camera while grimacing and laughing.

The two were interrupted by Calum, who walked in between them, hugging them both and changing the subject.

“How long do you guys think it took to find a child that looked like you? I mean It must have been hard to find one as pretty as me.” Hood said.

“They found Calum very quickly.” Luke approached, denying the previous sentence.

“Luke was gone in a few minutes, just some kid walking down the street.” Cal stared at the camera as he remained with a laughing face.

One of the production men walked up to them, calling them to the outside footage.

The four of them followed him, finding Michael already outside. you perked up when you saw the yellow car parked.

“Can I climb on the bonnet? Please let me on the bonnet!”

“Please be careful.” Randall said as you crossed and leaned on Calum to sit down.

After the four of them settled down and the pictures were taken, they tried to record some of the scenes.

“Wasn't there a busier street?” you complained, getting a slap on the back of your head from Ashton. You looked at him, offended.

“Okay, I think you're all clear for today.”

“Humpf, saved by the gong, Irwin.” you pointed, getting down from the bonnet and running to the vlog camera, new ideas already in mind.

“I'm going to get something off my chest and if this doesn't make it into the video, we're in trouble, I'm going to run for my rights. If they put me in another wool sweater, we’ll have a serious issue. I'm sweating so much I could fill a swimming pool. And another thing, I'll never get used to the snacks here. On my next trip, remind me to fill a bag with just coconut snacks, you can fill my DM's, if I forget again it won't be for lack of a reminder…”

you took your eyes off the lens, watching everyone start to get ready to leave, soon having Hemmings take her attention.

“Luke just picked up his backpack, it's like watching an episode of Dora the Adventurer, hold on, I'll show you.” you talked to the camera, soon turning it to show the man with the backpack on his back “5sosfam, you can thank me later!”

卌

“Why can't I connect?” Luke complained,

“Honestly, who let Hemmings mess with the Bluetooth? We want to get there next week?”

“It was between him and Calum.” Ash replied, settling into his seat.

“Why would it be between him and Calum?!” you frowned, buckling your seatbelt. You were in the last seat in the car, behind Ash. “And why am I back here?”

“Because you lost the bet.” Cal replied, finally getting into the car, making you snort.

“Take it easy on her, she's still upset that the carpool karaoke is with us and not James Corden.”

“No I'm not.” you crossed your arms, staring at the window “That man missed his chance, we're the best band nowadays, we're the band of stars!”

Luke took his eyes off his mobile phone to see her. It was a fact that you had always been their biggest fan.

“Not to mention that he always expects some member of the band to leave.” Michael sat in the driver's seat, placing his drink in one of the cup holders.

“'Turn your mouth away, Clifford. We can’t say the d word.”

They all suddenly looked at you, expecting some explanation.

“Disband” you whispered, like you were a toddler saying a bad word in front of your parents.

You held Calum and Ashton's seat, getting between them both and whispering again “'Are we allowed to cuss in this video?”

“Yes, but if Randall asks, we didn't authorize it.” Ash blinked, laughing.

Michael started the car, soon directing them to their destination. Luke finally plugged in his mobile phone, starting to talk to the camera.

“Come on, we've got our song coming out soon, called 'No Shame', the third single from the fourth album, the first single of this year, 2020.”

“And it's so fucking good.” You nodded to the camera, shrugging as Hemmings turned back to face her again.

“And we're in the car together, normally we go separately.” Luke turned his attention back to the camera, gesturing as he spoke “Actually, we're always together.”

“Always together.” Mike repeated, trying to stay present while paying full attention to the track.

“For various reasons we're always together” he said again.

“I'm never not with these guys, I love my siblings” Ashton emphasized, making them laugh.

The five of them sang the first ‘hey's’ of 'She looks so perfect' together, dubbing the lyrics. Calum looked over at you, doing along with you and Ash, a sloppy dance.

After a few minutes of performances and conversation, the playlist alternates between old and new songs.

“I'm going to be sick, for God's sake.” you threw yourself on the seat, placing your hand on your forehead.

“What's wrong?” three worried glances turned your way.

“No, not like that.” you laughed, so many years of friendship and they still hadn't gotten used to your drama. “It's out! The album's out!”

You showed the mobile phone screen, where the band's twitter page posted the cover and links to access it.

“Our album is finally out! You can order it now by clicking on any of the links.” Ash waved your phone, showing the camera the post. “IT'S OUT!”

Michael began shifting in his seat as he heard 'Girls talk boys'.

“I just realized, we're in the same places as when we shot this clip.”

“I'm telling you! I'm always in the backseat!” you complained, throwing your hands up in the air as you nudged a laughing Calum.

“You were the ghost, dove, what did you expect? To drive the car?” Irwin questioned, even though in your head it wasn't such a bad idea.

You loved to play the ghost, you loved the costumes, you loved them even more when you all were dressed to match. You still had the Three Blind Mice costume in your wardrobe, and wouldn't give up on the idea of convincing Ash to dress up as Eugene.

“Favorites are shown when they decide who sits on the arm of the sofa in interviews.” Mike grumbled, hearing affirmations from the back seats.

“Ash still had the audacity to stretch out and knock me over.” you stared at the window, trying to recognise the way they were going.

“To this day Jimmy comments about us being the first celebrities he didn't have to scare to fall on the floor.” Luke punctuated, biting his mouth.

“Next time, me and y/n will have the sofa to ourselves.” Calum declared, tucking the hat on his head.

“We don't have to go on a sofa one, can you imagine all of us in one of those Buzzfeed animal interviews? Puppies or kittens, I'll take both.”

“It would be five dogs to give one to each, it's easier to take the ones from home.”

The conversation was interrupted by a noise.

“Was that a fart?” Luke stared at Calum, watching him make the noise again.

“Are you playing with a fart app? How serious is this vlog?” you asked, laughing.

“I can't believe you can put farts in it.” Hemmings said, surprised.

“Oh my god, that is so stupid.” Ashton began to laugh along.

Luke picked up his mobile phone, switching to one of the songs. Just as the beat started, they heard an excited shout coming from the last pew.

“THIS!” you began to dance and sing excitedly to 'Strip That Down' by Liam Payne, soon gathering all the boys for the performance.

“So put your hands on my body and swing that round for me, baby, swing it” the choreography was made sloppily, while changing your voice tone to sing all the parts “Ah! I love this song.”

“Almost our entire discography played here and I didn't hear y/n say it.” Ash looked at the camera, raising his eyebrows and getting your tongue as an answer.

The next song played, Luke introducing it.

“And this is the first track from our album, Red Desert.”

卌

“What's up? What song is it going to be?”

Calum asked, the band of the instrument already placed around his neck.

“How about When you walk away?” you clapped your hands together. Ash stared at you “Come on, I'm a widow of unreleased and forgotten songs.”

“Meet you there sounds like a good warm-up, then we'll rock it out with some album tracks…” Luke hinted, watching you give in.

“First of all, one rule” Michael held up his finger, soon pointing it at you “No pulling my trousers down during rehearsal.”

You snorted, rolling your eyes.

“I've only done it once!” you tapped your foot, walking over to the keyboard.

“Actually, it was three, if you count the ones with cameras off.” Hood shook his foot, laughing.

“You know, Cal, I had an idea for us…”

“No way. - You're in a band, y/n, we're not going to do a routine on stage.”

“One day he'll give in.” you whispered, watching Ashton smile at you and wink, as if your idea might one day come to reality.

The feelings were varied, euphoria mixed with apprehension, which didn't make for a good match with a teenage mind.

“You know, every time I dare to question if all this is worth it, or if we're even capable, I look to the sky.” you stared at the boy, giving a brief smile.

“You look at the sky?” he squinted his eyes, arching one eyebrow.

You took a deep breath, thinking of the best way to explain the feeling you had. Taking the boy's hand, guided him to the backyard, and sat down on the grass, looking up.

“I imagine myself in a stadium. Each one of these stars is a fan in the audience, excited about the opportunity to hear us play. - Sometimes the sky has fewer of them, sometimes it's all black, but that doesn't mean all the stars are gone. You can still play for them.”

卌

You straightened up in your chair, making a mental note to buy a more comfortable one. Always ended up procrastinating on such a task and, now in quarantine, you were suffering even more for not doing the purchase.

You stared at yourself at the computer screen, looking at your own "scenery" while the four men talked. You had the device in your reading corner, besides the books, some paintings of the five of you adorning the wall.

“We could start by talking about y/n being banned from asking fans for help.” Ash made a suggestion, raising his eyebrows.

“What do you mean? What's wrong?” Luke asked, finally sitting up after trying to straighten out his seat again.

“I made the mistake of allowing people to remind me to buy a Brazilian candy bar, and now there's nothing on my timeline but bookmarks and reminders.” you shrugged.

“The worst part is that now y/n has a lifetime supply of candy because their mother sent a box. Their grandmother sent a box. Their aunt and uncle sent a box.” Michael held up his fingers, enlisting for emphasis, as he laughed at the situation “And not only that, but a company sent a box after their name went on the trend.”

You covered your face with your hands, hiding the desperate laughter.

”We can record something, who puts more candy bars in their mouth? Who can sing with candy in their mouth?”

“y/n wants to use us!” Calum commented, pointing at the you, who laughed, getting excited trying to deny it.

“We're going to live on paçoquinha.” Luke spoke up, the word sounding funny to his ears.

“Can we continue on the subject of y/n's mistakes?” Michael continued.

“What did I do this time?” you asked, playing offended as scratching your foot.

“Did you stop singing out of the blue?”

“Oh, it wasn't even that long!” you answered, putting your arms around your waist, laughing at Hood's face. You could never keep a straight face around them.

“You never explained to us what happened.” Hemmings took another sip of his drink.

“You know that moment when you have an inner epiphany and become self-conscious about where you are?”

You received several 'no's' in response, even if Calum had understood a little of the feeling. Laughing, you mumbled a few words, trying to simplify the situation.

“I don't know how to explain it, I just went 'wow, look at the size of this crowd, what a huge show I'm in' and forgot that I was the singer of the show.” you shrugged, following the others in their laughter.

Your voice lowered gradually, but you kept your smile. Hood arched one eyebrow, as he stared at his best friend's camera. He found the behavior strange, a small worry already growing in his chest. Ever since the wave of internet attacks, Calum had remained apprehensive about y/n's emotions.

“If you could be anyone in the band, who would you be?” Ash questioned them, biting his lip as he thought and pulled everyone's attention.

“What kind of question is that?” Calum fiddled with his teacup.

“I would choose myself, because I would still be best friends with the four of you.” Luke shrugged, looking past the computer.

A few seconds of silence perpetuate itself.

“Now whatever answer we give ourselves, we'll be terrible human beings, thank you, Luke” Mike complained, making Ashton laugh.

You smiled, moving your hand on the camera, trying to pretend to pimp Hemmings' hair through the screen.

“I should put the video of Ashton singing Good as Hell on the internet, we need to flesh out the quarantine. Things have been a little restless.”

“What's your problem with peace?” Irwin narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms.

“What do you love about it?”

“If you don't want peace, I could take it from you, if they've already freaked out on your timeline over a piece of candy, imagine when they find out about your fan twitter account.” Ash teased, laughing at the nonchalant look on your face.

“This is blackmail! And the only thing I do there is say shit about you.”

Luke laughed, watching the story unfold.

“y/n's user is calumhood8love.” The man exposed, watching you almost choke on the drink.

“Eightlove?” Mike frowned.

“Yeah, infinite love, like the infinity symbol but on the side, you know?” you tried to explain yourself while you took a breath of air, your throat hurt from laughing so hard “Come on, I thought I was really smart for that…”

After the call ended, you went to your home studio in order to get some work done. Having no success tyoure, decided to take what was needed to the living room, but failed in this task as well.

Staring at the instruments in front of you, the electric guitar and keyboard were placed on the otyour side of the sofa. You were sure that if they were not inanimate beings, they would be judging you right now.

On your lap, a notebook of scribbles and ideas lay open. You would have liked to make more progress, but only one sentence was written: "open the window, hear sounds of people.”

you didn't know what to do, if you should just concentrate on finding your lyrics or invest in some melody that would fit.

“i can see smoke coming out of your ears.” the voice came out of the cell phone, Dominic grimaced.

“This sucks, I feel like crap, I can't produce anything.” He shoved his notebook in his face, wanting to scream.

“Do you want me to be honest? I think you're making this into more of a problem than it is. You're visualizing your frustrations in this song, y/n.”

you huffed, crossing your arms and looking at him from behind the cell phone screen.

“Normally I would have been able to expose them in the lyrics, but even that didn't work.”

“You don't have to talk to me about it if you don't want to.” Harrison shrugged, "Can't you talk it out with Mike? You guys talk a lot, don't you?

“I don't want to bother them with this kind of silly stuff, not to mention that they would worry about nothing.”

“Haven't they been your best friends for, like, a decade? Do you really think it will bother them?” he raised an eyebrow, clearly disbelieving the speech.

“Do you sell this advice?”

“If you didn't want an enlightening conversation, you know you called the wrong person." he said, laughing.

“I just want this all to be over soon.”

“Me too, you owe me a visit.”

“I can't wait to land in the land of the queen again!” he held his arms up, smiling.

“Are you all free this month?"

“I think we only have one to do, the one for reading the thirsty tweets, you know?” And a few online interviews, but not with all of us...

“So we'll talk more soon, I need to go record some stuff, you know…”

“Yeah yeah, no problem, good night Dom.”

And he hung up the phone. You were about to do the same with your phone when he got a message.

I left a box of cookies on your doorstep, hope you're feeling better, y/n

P.S. They are the animal ones —Cal

卌

It was the first time in a while that the band had reunited, after a week in great isolation, the four of them made their way to the Irwin residence.

Calum, Michael and Luke were in the kitchen, finishing setting the table. Ash excused himself, going into the hall to look for his other bandmate, a good few minutes had passed since you had left to go to the bathroom.

The man found you standing in the living room, with his new album, Superbloom, in your hands.

“It's amazing, Ash.” you said, noticing his presence.

Ashton smiled, even happier with his work after seeing your eyes light up as you complimented him.

“Can you believe we paid three bucks for you to play and now you have, like, 300,000 views on a video?”

The drummer's mouth tightened as he saw the tears come to your eyes, and he had to restrain himself from being carried away by his emotions as well. He came closer, giving you a tight hug.

“You don't know how proud we are of you, Ash. Even though I think it's absurd that I wasn't invited to do a duet” you said, your head resting on his shoulder.

He pulled away, clicking his tongue and putting his arms around your waist, as if he was really affected by the sentence. Your drama made Ash laugh and you smiled, that was the intention.

“have you guys had your moment or should we put everything back in the oven?” Mike appeared in the doorway, raising his eyebrows.

They both looked at each other, you quickly nodded and stared at Ash.

“He always gets sad when he's not called in for a group hug.”

“Maybe he's sad because he wants the four of us to hug him and smother him with love.”

“Or maybe he's sad because he's starving to death and none of his friends care.” Michael put his hand on his forehead, letting out a sad sigh.

You walked over to the man, pushing him by the shoulders and walking with him to the kitchen.

Ashton held up his album, reading again the dedication he had made to you and smiling at his own words.

He put the gift close to his bag and walked back to the kitchen.

“Mike, quick question.” you nudge your friend, sitting down next to him “How much do you want to drink the water from this pickle jar?”