Mar 20, 2014
Here's hoping that spring brings bright, happy things. I don't think I can deal with any more disappointments, sad days, and depressing events. There has to be some kind of unexpected good news out there for me somewhere.
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Here's hoping that spring brings bright, happy things. I don't think I can deal with any more disappointments, sad days, and depressing events. There has to be some kind of unexpected good news out there for me somewhere.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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8 weeks today since my husband died. I went from barely being able to hear music without crying to now pretty much just running it nonstop (with occasional breaks to binge watch netflix) because it's helping me more than almost anything. I kinda thought it would be harder to come back to this blog but it's actually helping me too, giving me something to do that is happy and fun. I really need the happy distractions.
I miss him so much. I miss his voice. I miss his hugs. I miss being able to spin the laptop around to show him something cute I saw online. I miss him teasing me about Daron, and telling me he was sure I'd meet him one day. I think about standing at the SOAD show in 2012 and how he stood behind me with his arms around me. I miss all the concerts we were going to see together. I miss everything.
I love you baby. I miss you.
Taking a break...
I miss playing music and feeling better, but I'm finding that right now when I do, even if it's something that my husband wasn't a big fan of, it still just doesn't sound good. And I don't even feel like listening to any System songs yet... I just think about how excited and happy I was as my hub started getting into them too, and he'd start playing them in the car or teasing me about my crush on Daron, and what a great night it was when we saw their concert together and he stood behind me with his arms around me while we listened. Now I think about doing something or listening to something and know I can't share it with Jeff and I just can't stop crying. Maybe eventually that will change, I'll want to enjoy the things we both loved and I'll smile when I think of him, but right now, without him to share with, I just can't imagine wanting to do anything. It doesn't feel like there's any point.
Meanwhile, I am moving my attention to another blog right now (outside of Tumblr) to work through this, because this one is definitely not the right place for that. I'm entertaining the idea of letting this just fall silent and be an archive of a happy time in my life, and maybe picking up one of my alternate Tumblr accounts and going in a different, more general, non fandom direction. I will do my best to keep the Fuck Yeah Scars on Broadway blog fully queued, but I don't think I'll be doing any new SOAD posts or gifs, at least not right now. After some time passes, if I make it through and begin to feel better (and have enough spare time) I may dust this off and carry on. We'll see.
For now I am going to drown my sorrows in cookies.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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High points of the evening tonight
I've located all my LOTR dvd's so I can have a nice marathon sometime and re-watch with the commentaries yay \o/
Then, first I had Astronomy Domine pop up on shuffle in the car earlier, now I've come across a Pink Floyd documentary on tv and it's making me really want to just roll around in their music for a long, long while and be all nostalgic and happy and remember when I was a kid and would play The Wall and sit in front of my flashing light stereo that I thought was so awesome ^_^
And finally, I have my Spongebob blanket all freshly laundered and fluffy and all is now right with the world :D
Been rather interesting today watching all the fuss about Instagram and their new TOS (We have the right to sell your pictures!) and sudden frantic explanation of the new TOS (We didn't mean it! We won't sell your pictures! Don't go!)
I think I may mostly follow on Instagram now. I wasn't terribly worried about my own photos, although I could see why professional photographers were concerned. Still I'll just post new pics to Flickr. I like Flickr better anyway. And they have a pretty new app.
Went to see the Hobbit this afternoon and it was just awesome :D I'm still not entirely sure how I feel about the high frame rate format, tho. The landscapes and outdoor and battle scenes looked amazing, but the close ups and interiors with actors were so sharp and crisp that it felt more like I was watching news footage or somebody's behind the scenes documentary shots. The 3D was good, but the hyper-sharp images were a little jarring.
Overall, though, omg. I remember being really overwhelmed with feels when I saw the first LOTR movie, after waiting so long and years of rumors about whether or not they'd make one. I had a feeling I'd get all emotional with this too, and when Ian Holm read the first few lines from the book at the beginning I almost started to cry :) It was so worth the wait for this, but it's going to be really hard to wait for the next installment.