Dec 7, 2015
Me: haha yeah me and John totally crush on John Also me: don't say Jared please don't ask about Jared
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Me: haha yeah me and John totally crush on John Also me: don't say Jared please don't ask about Jared
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Right now, in this moment, I am weak.
And I fucking hate it.
It's taking everything I have in me not to just pick up the phone, not to get in my car and drive until I find you. Tell you I was wrong, even if I don't think I am. Tell you I'm sorry, even though I shouldn't be the one to apologize first. Do whatever it takes to just make this go away.
Because nothing you or anyone else could say or do about this KC shit could ever hurt as much as this does. Being alone. Being without you. It's torture.
Everything's falling apart, and you're the one I want to go to. I want to be able to tell you about what I found out tonight, tell you what a failure I feel like, and let you inflate my ego in the ridiculous way you always manage to do even when I don't deserve it.
But I can't. I can't take it back. Because this isn't okay. I did what I did for a reason and just because I'm pathetic and weak doesn't mean I get to take it all back.
I would give anything for you to be here.
Everything is just so fucked up. And it's all my fault. And I fucking hate this.