#meaninglove

Ok,so I'm really tired right now,but I want to get this out right now!I don't know when I'll write again,so I had to get this out as soon as possible.It's different than the ones I usually write,meaning it's not based on dialogue.It includes dialoguebut it's not based on it!I think I like this one a bit more than I did with the other ones.So,here we go:

“The Meaning Of Love”

Friend:a person known well to another and regarded with liking, affection, and loyalty; an intimate

It was a regular morning at home. William was away working and I was alone,planning our wedding. It was something I was so looking forward to experiencing. Well,William and I had been living together for quite a long time,but our marriage would seal and make our love official forever.

Apart from choosing the music for our reception,I also had to single out and make up my mind about the guests I would invite. I took a pencil and a piece of paper,made myself comfortable on our comfortable couch and started writing names. When the page was fully written,I decided to take a second look and double-check those whom I wanted to invite. In the next two minutes or so,I had erased a dozen names and written about a handful new ones.

Ugh,it couldn't be that difficult. How could everyone else do it?I mean,William had his list almost ready. It was a mutual decision of ours that we would pick up whom we want to invite individually and then mix our lists together. But why on earth couldn't I finish this up?

“I need a break”I thought and stepped up from the couch,heading to the kitchen. I opened the refrigerator door and got me a Pepsi. After some minutes of thinking,I realised why I found it difficult. I had so many acquaintances, people who would greet me when they met me in events,who would call me and ask for favors or send me messages saying that they've missed me-while we were together just the day before. So many people would want my help with their charities,or would even offer me a job in their business - even though I was happily working at Jigsaw. They were always there when I was happy and full of joy.

But,they would - somehow - disappear when I needed them. When I left my work at Jigsaw,every single position was filled up at their companies. When I broke up with Will,none of those so-called “friends” called to ask how I was doing. When my dearest grandpa died,no one sent me a message to see if I was ok.

I know, friendship has to be unconditional,but I wasn't asking for much. Just someone to care about me,to stand by me when I was in need. To be there for me through good and bad times. Just that. Was it too much?Maybe. Was I way too demanding?Probably...but if they couldn't “fulfill” my “pushy” and “over-the-top” “commands”, then they had nothing to do with my wedding.

My wedding wasn't an event for me. It would be one of the happiest moments of my life. And I needed friends,those who would be happy about my happiness and proud of me. Not simple acquaintances who would show me their occasional love and support just to ensure an invitation to “The Royal Wedding”.

I went back to my job. I took the piece of paper in my hands, took a deep breath and looked at it. After I read every single name out loud,it was my pencil's turn to dominate. In less that ten minutes,everything had fallen into place. My guest list was officially ready. And the best thing of it was that it was consisted of real friends. Were they many?No. But they were true. And that was all that mattered to me.

Jealousy:vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.

“...Emily,Olivia and Alicia.”

“That's all?”William was giving me big eyes,he couldn't believe that my guest list wouldn't overcome thirty friends of mine.

“Yep!Now your turn!”

“Ok,Oliver,Tim,Fergus,William,Nick,Jack,Alasdair,Chelsy,I have Olivia as well,Jecca,Arabella,Isabella...”

“Oh,oh wait!What?”I couldn't believe what I heard. He had invited his exes to our wedding?How dare he?

“What what?”He seemed confused. I was exasperated now.

“You invited every other ex of yours or these are all?”I asked while raising an eye brow.

“Kate,what are you talking about?Jecca and I are just friends!” “I know!It's not Jecca I'm wondering why she is invited...” “Then who?”

“Arabella,Isabella...Why?”

“First of all,Arabella was a friend of mine. Nothing happened between us,although I really wanted it then,because of the distance. She lived in New York,we couldn't have a proper relationship.” “I can't believe you're talking to me about liking another woman!”Now he had got me really mad. How could he?

“Kate,relax. That was more than ten years ago,before I even attended University,I hadn't even met you...”

He took a step closer to me and got me in his arms. Oh,how could that warm cuddle be always irresistible?

“I can't even think of my life without you. Since I met you,no other woman meant anything to me. You are my one and only”he whispered while caressing my back with his one hand and my curls with the other one.

Even though I really liked that lovely atmosphere,I had to clear things up.

“And Isabella?”

“And Isabella what?We never dated!” “You didn't,but you liked her...”

“When I was 20 or 21...Why are you being unreasonable now,baby?”

“It is the press I'm thinking of now...”I said and went back to sit on the couch.

“What do you mean?”William said while coming closer to me and sitting next to me on our couch.

“They are going to go mad when they find out whom you invited. They will start saying that you never loved me,that you're still in love with them and so many more things I don't want to face right before our wedding...”

William understood and hugged me again.

“Come here”he simply said and I obeyed. We were standing there,totally silent,both lost in our thoughts. After a moment,William finally spoke:

“How about inviting your exes?” At hearing those words I stood up quickly,totally shocked.

“What?How about you not inviting your exes?”

“You know this can't happen. They are aristocrats,I have to invite them. There are bonds between our families,I can't do whatever I want.”His voice was still calm,although I was sure he didn't like what was happening between us now.

“So,I have to invite Rupert and Willem?”

“Yep!That's all!You and Natasha,Rupert's wife,have been talking lately anyway!Plus,you and Willem went out two years ago and were photographed together. It will be a shock neither for the public nor for the press!”His tone was reassuring and persuasive. Whenever I thought that the end of the world had arrived,he had a way of showing me an obvious solution and calm me down.

“Fine!”I said and nuzzled back into his warm and welcoming cuddle.

“Were you really jealous?”

I hesitated,but after a minute or so,I replied:

“Yes.”

“But why, love?Don't you know that you're my one and I'm your one?We are meant for each other,we belong together,there is nothing that can keep us apart!”

After a moment of thinking – and realising how right he was- I got out of his cuddle and finally answered:

“It's simply because I want to protect you.”

William was now starring at me confused,his eyebrows were inadvertently raised.

“Protect me from what?”

“Protect you from anyone who might hurt you and guard you,so that I will never lose you. If anyone even tries to put her hands on you and take you away from me, I don't know what I'll do.” A smile appeared on his face, and I was pretty sure he was holding a tear back.

“I promise you,here and now,that something like that will never happen. Ever!”

Somehow,he managed to calm me down. Was it his voice,that would always make me obey to his commands? His tone,that was reassuring?Was it the look in his eyes, that genuine look he always had when we talked about our future?Maybe...but I trusted him. With a simple “thank you” I fell back in his arms. And simply stayed there.

Passion:a person toward whom one feels strong love and/or sexual desire

I was sitting comfortably in the car,looking outside the window. The view was lovely. Despite the fact that the weather was cold and rainy, the amazing clouds and their really weird shapes never failed to amuse me,as well as make me a bit dreamy.

I didn't want to get out of the car. Not because I didn't want to attend that day's engagement, neither because I wasn't in mood to meet people. How could I?They managed to stay in the rain,waiting for hours,only to catch a glimpse of us. I was simply a bit anxious. It was the second time I would be out for engagements the whole day. William's presence by my side was definitely relaxing, but I was still a bit nervous...

“Ready?”he said as he placed his hand on mine. Nervous?Who,me?With that man by my side?Any feeling of anxiety that was smouldering inside me was blown away when Will touched me. Any kind of negative feeling was replaced by positive thoughts, as well as a smile on my face.

“Yes” I said while looking deeply in his eyes. After a moment of intense eye-contact, I took my sight away from him. I tried to stretched my skirt,which was a bit shorter than usual and,even though I thought it would be a perfect choice for such an engagement, I kept cursing under my breath for choosing to wear it that particular day. As for Will...when I turned my sight to him, I found him looking at my legs rather excited and amused. I gave him a “I-saw-what-you-did-there” look and he smiled,not in a guilty way as I would expect, though. That look was full of passion and lust. He couldn't do much with the driver right there,but he definitely felt much more comfortable with him than I did. So,he took the initiative and placed his hand on my thigh.

“Are you ok?I think you look a bit pale...”he said and I was amazed at how he would act totally normally. I trembled at his touch,and he felt it. I thought it was time I counterattacked!

“Well,yes,thanks for asking!”I replied and now it was my turn to touch his thigh. After a moment- for me it was like an eternity- I took my hand back and turned my face outside the window again,trying to focus on the trees and the dark clouds.

Me and him hadn't been much together lately,due to his pilot duties and my dress rehearsals. So,we both wanted it. We both knew we had to wait til later that day, but if things kept going like that,I don't think we could make it.

[…]

People were amazing and extremely excited to see us. They were all so polite, despite the fact that they were wet from the rain. I would try to apologise for being late, but they wouldn't allow me to. They smothered me with flowers, little wedding gifts and lovely wishes for a happy marriage. How could I not adore them?

As for (cough cough) our thing, me and William generally behaved. Except for that hand on my back. Whenever he did it, I kept trembling. Yes,it may sound sweet now, but it was a bit embarrassing for me if anyone noticed. What would people think? That I tremble at his touch after 8 years of dating?It would be silly and totally unrealistic. Who would believe that this is how I felt whenever he touched me?Because,that was my one and only,true reaction when he touched me after spending a while away from me.

But what was his reaction?He reacted in a similar way to mine when I touched him in the car,so would it be the same in front of hundreds of people?I had to check it up...

After spending some minutes away,it was time we would meet up again and leave Lancashire. As I approached him,I saw him raising his hand,ready to place it on my back. And I did the same. Now,he was the trembling one. Well,it wasn't obvious,the only one who knew it was me. At least, he felt the same way I did...

[…]

“Did you enjoy yourself today?”he asked as we got home.

“Are you crazy?Didn't you feel it?”I asked. I was sure he knew...

“Your tremble every time I touched you?”he said,a smile in his face,a mischievous glint in his eyes.

I opened my eyes in shock!He indeed knew. But did anyone else notice,or it was just between us?

“Gosh,do you think people noticed?”I asked anxiously.

“No way,love!It's our little secret!”he smiled and came closer.

But I wouldn't let him win...at least not without fighting first.

“You trembled at my touch,too. Don't think I didn't feel it,Billie!”I said and gave him a little punch on his stomach.

“At least mine wasn't a raunchy touch...”he said while trying to justify his behaviour.

“Oh,really?And what was it then?”My tone was clearly ironic.

He kissed me on my forehead and replied:

“It was a touch of pure,strong love. You simply misunderstood my plans...”he was now giving me puppy dog eyes. I was almost defeated. Almost. I still had an ace in the hole.

“Sorry, Billie. I thought of it as an innuendo because...because we have been really distant lately...you know what I mean. We haven't had our “private parties”for a long time now because of duties and rehearsals,so...I just thought you wanted me as much as I do.”

“I do. More than you could even imagine,but this is not the way a gentleman could show his passion to his lady.”He smiled.

“Fine!You won!”I said and tried to leave his embrace,but he held me tightly.

“Haha,it's ok,love!I can win once in a while!But,seriously now,this wasn't the way I would show you how much I want you. It wasn't a sign of sexual desire...”he said,trying to be seductive while at the same time he sounded like a nerd. And he knew it.

I smiled. I could play his game!

“Oh,ok!But if that wasn't a “sign of sexual desire” what is such a sign then?”I asked,sure for my win in this battle...until I felt a poke on my bum.

Did I even try to reply?No. I simply gave in to his kisses and cuddles. And after a long while, we finally shared a night of passion, consisted of both of passion's meanings:love and desire.

Love: a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

As we were lying on our bed,me in William's strong arms,we remained silent. We didn't have to say anything. Nothing could make us more blissful. I had never been happier in my life,and I was sure William was feeling exactly the same as me. It was his smile,that was more genuine and true than ever. Hie big blue eyes,that were bigger and lighter than ever before. And his laugh...oh,his laugh...my favourite sound. It was echoing like a nightingale's song in my ears...

As I was thinking those,I turned to look at him. He was looking at the TV,without watching,as long as he was ready to fall asleep. I starred at his eyes and counted to three. Before I even got to two,his eyes were shut. He was sleeping. He was so blissful,if I didn't know he was terribly tired,I would say that he had a really relaxed day. He looked lovely,more handsome than ever before. I got myself half way up and placed a tender kiss on his lips. Before going back down and falling asleep myself,one and only question was dominating my mind... “if me and William weren't sharing a true,pure,unconditional love,then who did?”

Since I already knew the answer I let myself free and in less than a minute's time I was asleep...

Love isn't easy. It consists of support,jealousy,passion,affection...and no one has invented an instruction book on love yet. As a result,people do their best to make their love last. Some of them fail. Others,manage to make it work. It's not easy,they go through a lot of effort,but – in the end- they know it worth it. For some reason,I'm sure me and William both belong to that second category...

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This is it.I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did while writing it.What did you think?Do you prefer this kind of writing or like dialogue more?Please let me know,feedback means the world to me!

Love you all,