#meadowposting

Hiiii Sarah!!! Hey @lobotomycastiel we have a co-conspirator! A lot of the following text comes directly or is paraphrased from a conversation in our discord, and @deanwithsmudgedlipstick actually came up with some of this too. Okay so in this au Nora has a tragic accident and Cas takes the baby so she doesn’t go into the system. It’s technically kidnapping but the foster system in the US is shit and she has no other living relatives, so it’s justified. Dean at first is like “wtf is that a baby” but he is VERY quickly swayed by way of: he watches Cas interact with Tanya for more than five seconds and folds like a house of cards.

Cut to three years later when baby Jack comes into the picture. (Of course this is a baby Jack au, it’s me and Jess.) Cas dies like in canon (aka temporarily) and Dean is left alone with not one but TWO children under the age of five, one of which the angels are trying to kidnap (unlike his and Cas’ own kidnapping, this one is NOT in the best interests of the child). They want him just like Hell wanted Sam all those years ago, to use him. The angels try to burn down the bunker so they can steal Jack. Dean has been having nightmares about Cas burning on the ceiling the way his mom did, and he wakes up from his dream where Cas is burning on the ceiling to find the bunker ACTUALLY on fire. At first he thinks he’s still dreaming, and then he considers that maybe he should just let this happen (he wants to be with Cas and doesn’t know about the empty yet), but then Sam is there dragging him out just like Dean dragged Sam out when it was Jess. He shakes Sam off and runs to the bassinet, shoved Jack into Tanya’s little arms and tells her to run as fast as she can. Meanwhile he runs to Cas’ room and scrambles to find the mixtape and the trench coat, the only things he has to remember him by.

Sam scoops up Tanya, who’s holding Jack, to shelter them from the smoke and the heat and Dean’s breakdown, the way no one was there to shelter him and Dean. This gives Dean a chance to grieve and a moment to just break down. Afterward, Dean realizes he forgot something. He sifts through the burned down house trying to find Cas’ ashes. He clutches the cracked, scorched urn, making sure the ashes are still safe inside, and from Sam’s arms Tanya watches Dean on his hands and knees, weeping for all that he’s lost. Two minutes later, Dean gets up and turns to them with an easy smile on his face and says it’s time to get going, and he hopes they like clown motels. All his Cas Emotions have been shoved into a box and shut away tight. Sam asks why they can’t go to a *nice* hotel, and Dean makes fun of him for being afraid of clowns. But Sam has to drive the Impala because Dean’s hands are still shaking, and the only way to still them is to hold onto both the kids as he cradles them close in the backseat.

At the funeral, Dean passes Jack to Tanya when he goes to light the pyre. When he steps away, he takes Jack back and holds Tanya’s hand so they won’t feel alone. Later, Tanya tries to heat up a bottle for Jack but he takes over and tells her “go watch tv kiddo, I got this.” The next night he gets up to quiet a fussy Jack and finds Tanya already there, singing to him. He scoops her up and sings to both of them. After that he sits her down and explains that it’s not her job to take care of Jack, it’s his job to take care of them both. He plays them the mixtape and tells them he made of for their dad. He also lets them pick the music in the car. He watches Tanya singing along in the rear view mirror, the windows down, doing that thing kids do where she tries to catch the wind in her tiny hand while Jack laughs in his car seat. She’s a kid and doesn’t know about driver pick the music yet, so he lets Tonya listen to every Hannah Montana album and five hundred consecutive plays of Baby Shark because they’re her favorites. When Sam complains about how he can’t play his indie music, Dean pulls the classic, “how old are you?” “I’m 35, what does that have to do—“ “and how old is Tanya,” Dean interrupts. “Like, four?” Tanya interrupts, offended, to say “I’m four and a HALF.” Dean gives Sam a *you see?* look and says “so who’s gotta be the mature one here?” He’s the older sibling now, and Jack and Tanya are babies who deserve to listen to shitty kids’ music because Dean loves them and they’re his kids. Claire rolls her eyes from the backseat, squished between two carseats, but she doesn’t argue with the choice of music. Baby Shark makes her want to gouge her eyes out, but she secretly kind of likes Hannah Montana.

im a pretty bird

my feathers are soft and neatly preened

my friends would take care of me if I couldn't do it myself because they love me and think i deserve to be happy in spite of my disabilities