#me either.

“……”

“I am Emmet… I am verrrry serious about you. I have told you everything about myself, yet I am still not enough?” He sounds really desperate, his fingers tapping on his hips and he’s picking at his nails again.

Ick… what an ick.

You HATED men who sounded desperate.

“What’s it to you? It’s not like you really care—”

“I care for you verrrry much... You would be surprised at how much you don’t see.” His response was quick. Fast and defensive almost. What’s his deal? Why is he trying to fight for someone he found on a shitty dating app? Is he that hungry to settle down?

“Yeah right? All you’ve been doing, is smashing, working or even taking me to random places. That’s not really much. If I open my mind a bit and take off the rose tinted glasses, I realize just how stupid this all is.” You responded just as venomous. Still holding onto that small feeling of hope that maybe something magical will happen.

You highly doubt it though.

“You are being verrrry selfish right now. My work, is my life. Mind you, I am managing the Gear Station on my own. I am sorry that I do not give you the attention and support you need, but to give you the truth, it’s not my responsibility to keep you happy 24/7.” He’s really annoyed now. He’s not really one to say it, but it can show very easily. “My one and only other relative is missing, yet you have the audacity to tell me I do not make you happy? It should be the other way around.” He’s so annoyed with you now. He’s not standing for this. Yes you two have disagreements from time to time, but it’s only been a few… what, maybe almost 10-months now?

“Yes I know. I’m being selfish… it’s just more…” You didn’t wanna give it out. You’ve always been so defensive too. You are almost the same as Emmet in personality. Honest, genuine and almost no filter. They say opposites attract, yet when the same ends of the magnet are together, it’s always a push or a back track…

“Out with it—-”

“I dunno… I’m sorry for all the trouble you have… I am genuinely sorry for being selfish… I know that you’re going through a lot… I wanna stay and always help you out, but I’ll help you as a friend…” You slumped your shoulders. “I wanna go… because like, you’re always so much social to others than you are with me. All the time I battle you on the subway, yet when it’s the cabin BEFORE I battle you, the second to last… you always sound so.. more happier, I dunno. I hear your muffled “This is exciting!” Or shit like, “Let’s battle again sometimes!” You like…” You hated being vulnerable. It sucks ass.

“I dunno… You don’t say those things to me—”

“Because I say more valuable things to you. Do you not understand?” He still sounds so charming, yet that cadence is shaking. Like he’s gonna cry or something.

“I am Emmet. I like…. I love you verrrry much. I show you everyday I see you. How is it that you are so blind by your own ignorance that you cannot see how—”

“Because you sound so fucking fake. You sound so stupidly fake, it makes me want to vomit blood.” Okay… your subconscious is telling you to leave, right the fuck now. You’re pushing things too far. You’ve already said enough of your insecurities, you don’t need to push anything else to—

“All the fucking time. The second I see you. Even now, you sound so fucking fake. And I hate that about you. I hate you.” You wanted to run. Why can’t you just be a grown ass adult and walk away?????!

“Yeah, you can probably read people well, but even then, you sound like those adult actors. Fake and gross. You can read others around you, but why can’t you bother reading yourself for once?” You couldn’t go back now. You can’t. Why did you mess everything up? Why can’t you just walk away? You know it’s wrong? Why do you keep insulting him? What good does it make???!

“I do… love you very dearly, but for fuck sakes, you sound so pathetic when you lie. Thanks for giving me a false sense of love again. ‘I love it.’ NOT.” Walls upon walls was always something you did.

Nothing you did or say will ever convince you that love can be safe. Love and happiness are possible, yet you had never been given that chance. If Arceus was real, why would he let you out of all people, get the back hand of romance. Relationship, after relationship, after relationship, nothing worked. You know it’s always you. It always is. Yet, even when it wasn’t you… a few times it wasn’t, a few times it is. Mostly.

This time however, you definitely fucked shit up. Too far too many. You knew how selfish you were being.

Couldn’t fix the holes in your heart, so now you bleed on someone who you know didn’t deserve it.

Why is it that, you hated yourself so much, that you punished the one who wanted to love you the most?

You walked away. Unable to bear it anymore.

“Bye. I’m done here. I’m getting pretty sick and tired of your random hookups with me. Thanks tho.” You turn to leave. His face was straight. Neutral even. That’s not a good sign. It meant he’s absolutely planning something horrible. He’s thinking verrrry hard.

He’s wondering. He’s brainstorming.

You didn’t care… at least, on the outside. Of course you cared. Always. Deeply. There’s always been a cloud over your head since the day you gain consciousness. You cared for others so deeply, you couldn’t find the time to care for your mental health.

If you could… if Arceus IS real, you would ask for one wish and one wish alone.

To cease to exist. To become nothing. To be sent to the void so nobody could ever have the burden of knowing your existence. Or that… you ever existed.

Because if a God exists that created the universe, ‘Arceus’ why is it that you are so…. Stupidly defensive about everything? Why are you the way you are? Why can’t you be better than the person you are now? Why…

Do you always push everybody away from you? Aren’t you so pathetic? It’s actually sad that you don’t have anyone to love you—-

“Hey?! Wha—-?” You looked back to see that, he had grabbed your wrists… halting you from walking away. “You get your grubby hands off of me?! Don’t you know that I’ll call the cops to bust your ass and—”

“I am Emmet…. And I don’t want you to end this relationship.” He’s stern, his eyes share sadness, but there’s a vein popping out of his forehead. “I am not asking.”

You scoff, thinking he’s about to do something terribly ILLEGAL and morally wrong…?!!?!!

“Hey—- you’re scaring me…?!” You pulled away, but the second you do… he gently pats your back. Adoringly. Lightly. Not his usual style of affection. Usually he’s bending you over a counter or pulling you into an alleyway.

“I am… incredibly angry with you, but that does not mean I will discard you… I am… I am verrrry angry, but I will not let you leave me without hearing a reason first.” He’s quiet now. His hand smoothing against your spine as he laid your forehead into to his right shoulder. Hearing his bulky frame, creaking with each moment.

At least to him, this is the first time you ever brought up seeing other people. Who knows what your relationship status is? He doesn’t even say anything about it at all to anyone who asks. He usually says he’s taken, and that’s it. Not, “Oh, I have a spouse.” Or even, “I’m in a loving relationship!” Just, “I am taken.” And that’s all he says.

You’ve broken up with many others before. Emmet was just the first one who bothered to come chasing after you. Everyone else, never did.

This is terrifying. This is terrifyingly stupid?!

“I hate you! Don’t you get it—”

“That’s not the truth… is it?” Ahh… he got you.

“It IS the truth!? I hate you and all that you’ve given me because it’s not real?! It never has been and I hate that—-” you were angry and shouting out in public. On a sidewalk, where there can be witnesses should the situation worsen.

“But that’s not what your heart wants. You’ve told me before. It’s you who is selfish, sometimes it the others. Right now… you’re being verrrry selfish.” Emmet can read people. He can tell real quick when someone is lying or bull-shitting him. Theres no secrets between Emmet and you. Never. He’ll eventually find out. He always does. It’s actually scarily accurate at how much he can learn by just seeing people’s body language.

“So fucking what?! It’s all a lie?! Everything you do is a lie?! All you do is lie?! You get your hands off of me!?”

“What will it take to make you believe me? That I lie to you about how little you mean to me? How small you are to my life? Do you want me to lie right to your face about how little I care about you?” He’s snappy. Oooh, he got you. Emmet wasn’t really one of sarcasm, but he does know how to play words well. After all, years of managing the subway made him the smoothest talker you’ve ever met.

“I am Emmet, have you no shame on your own heart that tricks you into thinking I betray you like I do to my own hands on my body—”

“Yes!? I would rather HAVE you lie to me about how much YOU care about me!? How LITTLE you actually feel for me!? Maybe then it wouldn’t hurt so much!” You pushed him away, but he kept going, keeping you grounded into reality.

He knows that you’re just having a small tantrum. He knows how to soothe your heart.

“Fine then… I will lie to you that I care so little about you. There you go. Me saying that, is a lie. Do you feel better now?” He leans back to gauge at your reaction… but it’s just worse.

“Not really… it feels even wors—-”

“Ah-HA. See? It is worse. I am Emmet, and I had made my point clear. Do not be discouraged from me showing you my attitude for your love. It is verrrry much present.” He beams his signature smile, his REAL smile to you. The one he usually gives out to strangers or passengers, is the mask, the one he gives out to lovers and beloveds, are rare.

He didn’t make you feel any better… but he did give you a very opening wake up call. It’s a lot more better than the last relationship you had.

“I am not forcing you to stay… but I do understand that your heart tricks your brain into thinking it is correct. Wrong. Your gut feeling is always correct.” Emmet pats his stomach proudly. “Mines for example, is verrrry prominent!”

You snicker as you begin to calm down… finally.

“Snnnk—-!? Prominent?! How can he be? He’s so plump! You’ve got beer belly because you keep drinking!” You laugh at him… and he doesn’t like that statement, but he does it to make you feel just a little bit better. He WILL get his bite back at you soon.

“I am not large… I am Emmet, and I like drinking after work.” He doesn’t like talking about his weight, but if it’s just for an adoring, second, sure.

On the way home, after a long day.

____

Hi yeah. This is terribly written, but goin’ through the motions rn :)

It was all well and good and the same story with other stores I go to, Pants to small and Shirts to small around the waist and breast area. But at this Ross they had what was called a "Plus sized section" and I couldn't be happier.

I found two pants and 3 shirts, which is a big deal for me because I can never find cloths that actually fit.

I noticed as I was shopping in this section tho people kept eyeballing me and pointing at me and shit. I tried to ignore them and I went into head canon mode to make it easier so I didn't have to deal with their shit.

As it turns out, department stores don't have "Plus Sized sections", only "Maternity sections". This Ross decided those were one in the same, and so the people around me I am assuming were laughing at how stupid and fat I was because I needed to wear maternity cloths.

All in all I still hate shopping for cloths, fuck department stores for only having up to a size 9, and fuck other stores for labeling anything else as "Maternity". For real also, fuck "big girl boutiques" for selling me a shirt that actually fits for $30.