#mdcm

Ironically I didn't post an excerpt a year, as my previous post joked about, it's been over 4 years since I last posted one of these -_- I'm bad at this.

This excerpt, number seven, contains a slur I don't use anymore, keeping in mind it was written 13 years ago, I like to think I've grown since then, I'm not that stupid kid anymore and God am I glad about that. But I also know I have to go back and really look at who I was, so here you go, originally titled 'FUCK IT'

"It's fucking retarded, they're annoying the shit out of me now. They have this special inside joke that they're using while I'm around on purpose just to annoy me. I asked one of my other friends to explain it to me and she did, so now I know, but still, FUCK, they're supposed to be my friends. I haven't seen them in two days and this is the first thing they do?!

What if I wanted to talk to them about the shit that's going on? What if I wanted to tell them about my brother having to move COUNTRIES, or my da and his lost job and the possibility of him getting a new one after SIX MONTHS of searching? What if I wanted to tell them that my meme's thinking of LEAVING the country and I don't want to go with her but it's going to be SO HARD to say goodbye? What if I wanted to admit to them that maybe, a little part of me feels like we've been DRIFTING APART and I've actually thought about going away? What if I wanted to admit that if my da doesn't get this job we might not be able to STAY around here? I'm not going to say anything. They're not secrets I share. Not anymore. Not after last time. I need to be sure. I need to be 100% sure before I say anything to anyone. But is this really the way to greet a friend after not speaking to them for two days?"

- MDCM