#mchangover

McCree: Mad you didn’t get to walk me down the aisle?

Reaper: You’re hilarious.

McCree: Well see, you caught me in a real good mood, and no amount of threats are gonna change that.

Reaper: Not here to threaten.

McCree: Checking about the registry? Not too late to get us a coffee maker…

Reaper: No.

McCree: Cheap-ass.

Reaper: Look, I’m just calling to say this is big, so don’t screw it up. You owe yourself and the people you love that much.

McCree: Wasn’t planning to.

Reaper: And Jesse?

McCree: What, no ‘Ingrate?’

Reaper: Do yourselves a favor and be honest with each other.

McCree: …

McCree: Y’know, I can get Sombra to keep this channel open and get Jack out here if you need to–

Reaper: *click*

Sombra: *pinching Jesse’s cheek* Aw Vaquero. Look at you all scrubbed up and smiley.

McCree: I’d wager that this dance is probably going to end with you lording some new terrible thing from my past over me?

Sombra: That’s a wager you’d lose, Vaquero. Consider it my wedding gift.

McCree: Aw, you know that’s exactly what I wanted: Not getting blackmailed.

Sombra: I know, I’m very generous.

—

McCree: *snicker* Y’know last time we did this you barely came up past my hip. Gotta say, you’ve gotten… a little better.

Pharah: I can stand on your feet again if you’re feeling really nostalgic.

McCree: Yeeeaah please don’t.

—

Mercy: Congratulations.

Hanzo: Thank you.

Mercy: …

Mercy: I know we haven’t always… gotten on too well…

Hanzo: I’m thankful for that.

Mercy: ?

Hanzo: I value your skepticism. And how deeply you care for Genji. It sounds strange but… I was relieved that you hadn’t forgiven me while he did. 

Mercy: Relieved?

Hanzo: To know my actions had still weight, that Genji had found a family that would protect him more than the Shimada clan had… it was a relief. You had his love, and his respect, and did your best to support him in spite of hating me.

Mercy: I didn’t—

Hanzo: *arches eyebrow*

Mercy: …I may have hated your guts a little.

Hanzo: More than a little.

Mercy: *snort* Fine. But… Jesse found a kindred spirit. And you’re… There’s a lot you’ve grown from.

Hanzo: You have a habit of bringing out the best in people, Angela.

Mercy: Oh–I…Thank you *tucks hair back* I am happy for you–both of you.

Hanzo: I know.

—

Satya: *picks lint off of Hanzo’s lapel and flicks it away*

Hanzo: Thank you.

Satya: Well this is all certainly very impressive. You even managed to get the cowboy to clean up.

Hanzo: Jesse cleans up.

Satya: *smirk*

Hanzo: When he has to.

—

Widowmaker: *puts box into Hanzo’s hand* Félicitations à vous deux.

Hanzo: *opening the gift* My thanks. You really didn’t have to– *takes the lid off the box to reveal a scope*

Hanzo: …you really didn’t have to.

Widowmaker: I know.

---

Mercy: Never thought I’d see the day.McCree: Aw, give a man some credit–Never?Mercy: Maybe a Vegas elopement that gets annulled after 72 hours.McCree: You wound me, Merce.Mercy: I’m kidding–I’m happy for you, Jesse. You have a good heart. Hanzo’s very lucky.McCree: Well… I’m just glad you finally warmed up to him… y’know, with you and Genji hitched too, I guess that makes us family now.Mercy: We always were.McCree: That’s cheesy, even for you.Mercy: Well it’s true.

—

Ana: Glad to see you finally found someone to make a respectable man out of you…interesting that it’s basically a Yakuza prince, but I never ruled out the possibility.McCree: Really? First Merce and now you?Ana: I always knew you’d find someone. *gently chucks his chin* You always were a charmer.

—

Genji: Being married is amazing. It’s like… you wake up, and they’re there!McCree: You don’t say.Genji: And then you come home after a long day, and they’re there!McCree: *snickers*Genji: Look, champagne hits hard when you’re missing a significant portion of your body mass.McCree: I can tell.Genji: I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen Hanzo smile like this. *hugs McCree* Thank you.McCree: *pats his back*

—

*twenty minutes later*

Ashe: *holding a champagne glass aloft* ...and needless to say McCree is, to this day, still not allowed back in the state of Utah. But enough about McCree and the truly countless stupid things he’s done, I just wanna say congratulations to my old partner and I wish you two all the best. *gestures at Hanzo* Believe me, you’re gonna need it. *knocks back champagne*

McCree: *clapping* Wow... that... that was actually real nice of her. She could’ve told much worse stories.

Hanzo: *dancing with Ashe*

Hanzo: …

Ashe: …

Hanzo: What is your intention?

Ashe: Haven’t been able to get you alone for a chat all night. Figured this was the easiest way.

Hanzo: *narrows eyes*

Ashe: Believe me, you have nothing to worry about. I’m petty, *dips Hanzo* but I’m not that petty.

Hanzo: *scoffs as Ashe brings him upright again* So… you and Jesse…

Ashe: We’ve got our baggage. Maybe there were some flickers of something… but whatever that something was, it was something we both knew would never last. Jesse’s still important to me though. People like us… family is hard to come by.

Hanzo: You were rich.

Ashe: *smile* So were you.

Hanzo: …

Ashe: My point is, if Jesse’s found a family, I’m not going to keep him from it.

Hanzo: *dips Ashe* I won’t keep him from it either.

Ashe: You boys are dressed awfully nice for a night out on Vegas… special occasion?

McCree: Just… just a fellas’ night out! You know how it is!

Ashe: See, we went through your DJ buddy’s belongings and what did we find, Bob?

Bob: *silence*

Ashe: *looking back at Jesse* That’s right! Wedding invitation! *nonchalantly tossing dynamite up and down* Jesse Goddamn McCree, getting married. 

McCree: Now Ashe, I just figured—

Ashe: All the years we’ve known each other, Jesse, and I don’t even get an invite?

McCree: I–

Ashe: *continuing to toss the dynamite up and down* I’m hurt, Jesse.

McCree: Well—

Ashe: *catching the dynamite* Devastated.

Lúcio: Okay, clearly you two have some personal stuff going on and I think this whole situation can–Wow you can squeeze really hard okay I’m shutting up now.

McCree: Okay–just—stop squeezing him. What do you want?

Ashe: Seat at the reception, obviously.

McCree: …I can arrange that.

Ashe: I want a good table.

McCree: …I can arrange that.

Ashe: What kinda caterin’ you got?

McCree: Your choice. Beef, fish, or vegetarian.

Ashe: What kinda fish?

McCree: Snapper.

Ashe: Beef, then.

McCree: You got it.

Ashe: And *holds up dynamite* I get to give a speech.

McCree: Well there’s no way in hell that’s *makes eye contact with Lúcio* that’s….You can make a speech. Of course. Of course you’re makin’ a speech. Because you’re my friend.

Ashe: Good. Glad to see we’re on the same page. Let ‘em go, Bob.

Hana: He’s walking funny.

Genji: He doesn’t even walk. He floats.