#mcggie-rhee

SEND ME A ✐ AND MY CHARACTER WILL WRITE YOURS… 

➒ a letter meant to be read only once my character is dead.  

@mcggie-rhee.

A tattered paper in her journal, stained and ripped at the edges but was written while she was in Grady. As Beth had said to Daryl before “I’ll be gone someday.” She knew someday was near and this was her final goodbye to the one person left that meant everything to her.

Maggie,

I have been staring at this page for days and I haven’t a clue what to write or where to even begin. On my down time, I just sit in my room in this place and I just find myself wanting to speak with you. To tell you this, but I just keep staring– but if I’m being honest, I’ve been staring at this page for weeks now. I’m not even sure if you’re alive, not even sure if this will ever get to you but I wanted to write this because I’m still holding onto the hope that you are out there. With Glenn, with the others, I hope I know you’re out there. 

If you’re reading this though, it probably means that I’m the one that’s not around anymore. Hard, but it’s probably true and I hate to write this it’s not easy it HURTS to write this. It hurts because there’s nothing more I want than to be able to tell you this in person. Then again, I probably wouldn’t be able to get this out but gosh, Mags, I need you to promise me this before you continue on. I need you to know that this was NOT your fault. I know you, I’ve known you my whole damn life and I know that death is something you take blame for. It eats at you until one day you just can’t take it no more but I can’t have you doing that. I can’t have you hurting because it’s okay. I’m okay. Just promise me that…

Ever since I was little, I grew up thinking that I wanted to be just like you. Cliche and so completely stupid to think but I guess that’s what every little girl wants, huh? To be like their much cooler, much prettier older sister. Every guy fawned over you and I remember being so jealous of it. Like Eddie in the 3rd grade? I was so ANGRY at you because he had the biggest crush on you and I was gonna be the one to marry him on the play ground. I didn’t talk to you for two nights up until Mama said that I was being silly and forced me to go apologize to you for when I said you were “a stinky boyfriend stealing fudgeface” (great name though, I must say). Gosh, I never thought I could be such a little green eyed monster but boy did I prove myself wrong. I just remember being so upset because all I wanted was to be as beautiful as my older sister. And regardless of me being the little brat I was, you always told me I had a beauty of my own and even if another person didn’t see me as the most beautiful girl in the world, you saw me as beautiful. I may have been a child, but that meant a lot to me then– it still means a lot to me now. 

You’ve been my anchor in life, Mags. Ever since we were kids and it still hasn’t changed. It never WILL change, okay? Never. You have had more strength to carry on more than I ever did. You could always fight for what you believed in, to keep going and that was always what I admired about you. Your drive to keep moving. Don’t lose it. Whatever you do, hold onto that because it can change this world. You are going to make a difference in this world, Maggie. I just know it– I have faith in you. You’re a Greene after all. 

If there is anything that I want to say to you, it’s thank you. Do you realize how blessed I was to have you as my sister? Gosh, I use to brag about you to every single person in my class saying I had the best of all sisters and all of theirs were just hammy downs. I remember telling Amanda Lewis in the fifth grade that her sister was a dump truck compared to you and she told on me for being ‘rude.’ But it was true; no one could ever compare to you. As far as sisters go, no one could ever be Maggie Greene Rhee. 

Thank you.. Thank you for always being there, even when I didn’t deserve it. Thank you for believing in me when I couldn’t find it in myself. Thank you for reminding me of my strength when I was at my weakest. Thank you for never losing your light even when the darkest of days came. More importantly, thank you for being your annoying, overprotective, stubborn, obnoxiously insane self because I wouldn’t have had you any other way. We fought, we ignored each other, we swore that we would never help each other again but that’s not how I remember us– how I remember you. I remember you as the sister that would beat kids up who said anything remotely mean to me, who would braid my hair every Sunday for church no matter how much you hated to, or the sister who would let me sleep right beside her when I would wake up crying from the horrible nightmares that would keep me up all night long. That’s who you are to me, Mags. You mean the world to me. 

I know there will be tears. I know you’ll get angry, you’ll curse, you’ll shut people out and I get it. You deserve that much, you have every right to do it. You’re human, Maggie. It’s okay to hurt. It’s okay to feel but you gotta let it out. You can’t keep it bottled inside, it’s gonna kill you that way and you can’t lose your strength. You have come such a long way, you have so much to live for. You have a husband that adores you– loves you beyond anything else in this world. And you and Glenn, you’re gonna have a family one day. You’re gonna have a whole bunch of ‘em, I can see it now. You’re gonna be so incredibly happy and gosh, I wish I could be there to see it. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted for you and I know that you will have it one day. Maybe I’ll be watching.. with Mama, Daddy, and Shawn.. maybe Lori and Patricia. We’ll all be watching over you. You just gotta keep going. Your job isn’t over yet. 

Above all else, I LOVE you. I love you no matter how many miles keep us apart, whether it’s this life or the next, I love you. You have held one of the biggest places in my heart since I was brought into this world and you will remain holding it when I leave it. Any time you’re singing along to a song you may hear, if you listen closely enough, I’ll be singing right with you. I’ll never leave you, sissy. I’ll be with you, always. Remember that, hold onto it. 

let me love you | always accepting!