#mberry

I love that his step mom and I went to Ulta and tomorrow I’m teaching her how to use all the stuff she bought.

I love that we ran into his sister getting face masks and when he and I were watching the great British baking show later that night with our own face masks totally sent her a picture and she sent a picture of her and her friends facemasks.

I love that his dad loves getting weird drinks. And wood for the fire place that smells like coffee.

This relationship is wooooork. We are two very different people. I’m real aware of my flaws. I’m real aware of his flaws. I’m real aware of alllll the things. Some moments he annoys the hell out of me. Some days I just want to be alone.

You know though? I want him. I want to grow with him. It’s been hard but it’s been so good. I haven’t laughed so much with a guy. I’m learning to trust, for the first time in a long time. He is patient and kind and understanding. He balances me out. We are both becoming better people because we both want to lift each other. He makes me think things through instead of doing craaaaazy things all the time. He loosens up a little more around me. He held my hair as I puked my guts out. He is constant. Oh my, he is constant. I’ve needed constant for quite some time.

He is a summer bbq, a root beer float, the first signs of fall, the smell after rain, the feeling of a flannel that’s two sizes too big, sparklers, watching a movie that makes you laugh every single time and you quote for years, and the wobble of riding a bike for the first time.

But the sun laughs over my skin, promising of better days. It helps parts of me to grow and cradles the cracks others lefts. He kneels with me and helps me as I plant new hope. He brings me the water needed to feed each new leaf.

I have been planning this wedding a lot on my own and it’s hard, because I always imagined having my sister and mom there every step of the way, but phone calls are the only contact. Im grateful for a partner who helps and let’s me know I’m not alone and continually shows gratitude through actions and words. For nights creating and using our hands to build the ever growing picture in my head.