#maybe sick

Idk if I’m sick or just in pain but right now, I just can’t.

I might be sick, maybe, mostly likely but I am not sure. I usually get sick the days after a do a show and being that it has been a week it is highly likely I am semi sick. Well I hope that I am not it know that is most likely is true. I don’t like being sick and it does change every time that I am “sick” after a show. For today it was mainly just feeling so out of it and wanting to be rapped in a blanket but being to hot to keep one on. It is also the summer and it could just be the heat getting to me. Hopefully not, I do really bad in the heat. I can stand it but I am less then pleased in it.

Just thinking today it is so weird to think about how we are as people. That there is things that we do that can make things not happen. That the world can be a very scary place. Within talking to my parents there are parts of me that feel for the next couple of year with everything that is happening near me. That with out thinking there can be so many things that don’t need to happen, happen. That what can seem like a great idea can ruin the one thing that you don’t want to ruin. The world is such a strange place that what you think might be wise is silly to the rest of the world. That your logic does not work outside your own mind. That, that is scary to me.

Other thoughts that I have had today is that there is nothing that makes me excited... Well really excited. There are many things that I love but nothing screams this this is your calling and what could be a job. There are so many days were just thinking of getting a job(I know I kinda have on now, but I was thinking more long term) just makes me think of reading and just doing that forever. I know reading book will by no chance get me a job or even something like that. When I think about the future now all I think of is reading books for long periods of time. Yet there is no job that I know of that is just that. Oh well it can just be a dream of mine then.

Thats really it for today. I maybe sick, I still have some pain from yesterday(not that much but still), and the world is just scary.. Welp that a lot kinda... One day down, a lifetime left.