being away from tumblr is so nice. im trying to recover from paraphilias and also my bpd and it's going nicely. obsession isn't nice, bpd isn't glamorous, breaking myself down over and over for someone's attention isn't nice. i deserve a chance to be normal for once, and happy. happy is important. i realized awhile back i have ptsd and i've been trying to rewrite better things on top of bad memories and flashbacks. i haven't had debilitating nightmares or sleep paralysis in awhile now. i want to believe again that love is kind and soft and that violence isn't necessary for emotional fulfillment. i let myself go too far to the point i thought i was broken and only sought out that company. all this to say it's not true.. well anyways if i come back to post here it means i failed at recovery and i'm hypomanic again probably
