#maurauders

regulus, under a heap of blankets: what, so idiot 1 and idiot 2 can bother me and piss me the fuck off?

dorcas: well, maybe evan or barty then?

Sirius stormed into their dorm room, the door slamming against the wall so violently, James was worried it was going to come off its hinges.

“Fuck, Sirius, what the hell?!”

Sirius was pacing across the room, mumbling away in French. Something he only did when one of two things had happened.

One, some guy had made a pass at Remus down the pub, which couldn't be the problem this time as they hadn't been in Hogsmeade today.

Which only left option two…

“What did Regulus do now?” James asked, trying not to laugh.

“He's got a pissing boyfriend!” Sirius seethed.

James tilted his head and blinked. “So?”

“So? What do you mean, so? It's bloody disgusting!”

“Woah now mate, starting to sound a little bit phobic for someone who also has a boyfriend and is best friends with a bisexual stud.” James smirked at his joke.

“Fuck are you talking about, Prongs?” Sirius asked, as he stopped pacing to give James a confused glare.

“You just said Regulus having a boyfriend was disgusting.” James explained.

“Yeah, cause it's Regulus. Not cause he's gay. I couldn't give a fig what his orientation is. I just don't think he should be dating.”

“Why not?” James was getting very confused.

“There are a myriad of reasons!” Sirius exclaimed as he flung his hands in the air. “He's too young for a start! What kind of degenerates are we schooling with that would take advantage of an innocent child?”

“Pads, mate, you need to calm down, he's a year younger than us.”

“Exactly, he's just a child!” Sirius was pacing again. “And let me tell you, when I found out which scummy, perverted Slytherin has touched my baby brother, I will kill them with my bare hands, I won't need my wand!”

Before James could respond, Remus walked into the room.

“Prongs, where's Regulus, I need to speak to him about his potions notes?” Remus asked, as he flipped through reams of paper. “Is he in the bathroom? Reg, you in there?”

“Moony, why would Reg be in our bathroom? He's probably in the dungeons in his own dorm, if he's not in the library.” Sirius responded, not catching who the question had been aimed at.

“Oh,” Remus momentarily looked surprised, then James watched as a terrifying grin broke out across his face. “Welllll,” he started and James got slowly to his feet, his eyes widening as he silently begged Remus not to continue. “I went to the library first and when he wasn't there, I checked the map and saw him up here,” James had made it to the door just as the hammer dropped. “With Prongs.”

“I beg, your finest pardon?” Sirius whispered, as he turned to look at James.

“Pads, I-” But James didn't get the chance to finish speaking before a half dressed Regulus appeared next to James’ bed from under the invisibility cloak.

“Well,” Regulus started. “At least Potter is a Gryffindor and not a scummy Slytherin.” Regulus said sheepishly.

“Shall we look at the moon, my little loon

Why do you cry?”

Remus Lupin