#maturity101

I want to be mature. Ito talaga ang goal ko (halos) taon-taon. I want to change in a good way. Ang unang bagay na gusto kong matutunan ay ang maging vocal sa mga ideas at emotions ko. I want to avoid the things that are making me into two-face. Minsan kasi, unconsciously, kapag nagtago tayo ng totoong emotions natin toward the person nauuwi tayo sa pagiging fake or plastic kapag kaharap natin sila. Ngayon, ito ang gusto kong mangyari- yung tipong hindi ako lumalabas na plastic sa mga taong gusto kong pakitaan ng totoong emotions ko, but sometimes I don't get the same as return. I am trying to be vocal about my emotions, I am trying to be straightforward as much as possible. I'm sick to the idea of pretending that everything is alright, though it's not. Pinapakita ko through my cold treatment na galit ako, dapat ang isang tao hindi manhid sa cold treatment I am trying to tone my voice kung galit ako- it is different from my normal tone. Pero bakit ganun? I'm getting the opposite as a return. I'm expecting na kapag pinakita kong galit ako or inis ako, that person will also show his/her true emotions towards me. Bakit parang ang hirap gawin para sa kanila na sabihin or iexpress yung totoo nilang emotions towards sakin? Bakit hindi nila sabihin saking naiinis sila sakin kahit wala naman akong ginagawa? Minsan dun ako nagsstart mairita eh, yung tipong iibahin nalang yung trato sayo kasi they're secretly mad at you- and when you ask them frankly sasabihin nila wala. Mas naappreciate ko na ngayon yung mga taong pinapakita nilang galit sila sakin, rather than giving me a transparent treatment- kasi narealize ko masakit pala yun. I was that, ganon ako when I was on my high school days yung parang lahat ng tao okay lang sakin, kahit hindi na. Coz' I don't want to start a fight or an issue, pero mas masarap pala talaga sa feeling yung magsasabihan kayo ng inis sa bawat isa. Yung mas sinasabi mo yung gusto mong sabihin and hindi lang yung gusto niyang marinig. Eto yung gusto kong mangyari nung bago ako mag18. Narealize ko kasing, hindi lahat ng taong nasa paligid ko gusto talaga ako- may iba they're just doing it for the sake of consideration and not sense of volunteerism. Ngayon, mas tanggap ko na yung mga taong ayaw sakin, unlike before that I'll adjust my personality and attitude just to fit in dun sa criteria nila. I found out that it is not my job to adjust for them- kung ayaw nila sa behavior ko I can't change just to please them. However, I can change if that would be for good, but on to please them? No thanks! :)