Boys .. how should i even start ? Some of them have made little changes in my life, and I tell you about the first two.
When i was about 15, i fell in love ( at least that’s what i thought ) with a boy. Blond hair, blue eyes, great taste in music, playing the bass. The top of the top. But me .. i was so small and skinny. I still had the body of a 10 years old child and wasn’t as developed as the girls of my age.
And you know how things goes when you are that age .. I was his friend, but nothing much. And everyone knew how i liked him. One day, we were at a school trip and i heard he was dating one of my friend. A friend who knew about my feelings for him. And that day, people from my class saw that i wasn’t feeling well and they directly understood why. That’s when they told me something that has changed a lot of things in my life .. They told me that i was not his type, that he was more into « beautiful girls ». Those words have had an awful impact on my confidence. From that day, i had almost none. Ashamed of myself, of the way i looked, trying by many ways to get unnoticed. I realise today that my reaction was stupid, because i’ve ruined several years of my life hurting myself. Self-harming, getting more and more introverted, wanting to die. I was having issues with my parents, things were not great at school, and the boys i was madly in love with didnt like me. I wanted to die. I was overthinking things, over reacting and i thought life couldnt get better. How stupid was i ... But one day, the girl sitting next to me in class noticed. I was fearing her at the beginning of the school year, because she looked like an agressive girl. But she made me feel important. She was cheering me up, she made me share my deepest secrets, and she made me understand that, no matter what you think, you’re worth it. Your life is worth living. She never knew it, but she saved me.
At the age of 17, i decided to change school to make a new start. I wanted some change, i wanted to be someone new.
My integration was hard, i was trying to play the confident girl, which i was not but somehow i managed to make friends.
One day, i get a friend request on facebook. That’s from a boy i noticed in the hallway. Again, blond tall boy, blue eyes, great music taste .. i had to talk to him. That’s when i built up a strategy.. I tried to share a music that i knew he liked on my Facebook wall and i was waiting for a reaction .. which i got pretty quickly because he commented by another song. Then i sent him a message asking like « oh you like that band as well ? ». Hum .. of course he does, you already did some FBI researches.
We started talking and i was starting to appreciate him. He was the very first guy to ever pay attention to me. The first one to flirt with me. We saw each other a couple time (fyi our first kiss was pretty akward) before we decided to start dating. And from that day .. everything became different. The mysterious and flirty guy turned into a total child. After a week, he almost imagined us married with kids, he said yes to everything i was asking, was very, very clingy. That’s not a bad thing, but for me it was too much. I was only 17, and it scared me. I decided to break up with him after a month because the feelings i had for him were more friendship than love.. He was hurt, i felt like an awful person. But he is for sure the nicest guy i have ever met. And maybe today this is the king of relationship that would work for me but i wasnt ready to have someone in my life. This was too soon and he respected that.
