#masterbaitingboy

I have a female friend whom I’ve become extremely close to over the last year. She is the ex of my best friend from 5 years ago. I’ve always described her as more of a sister figure than a romantic interest, although I’m honestly not even sure anymore what exactly I feel. I love her deeply and she’s one of the most important people in my life. She’s an innocent person and has had a traumatic past, so I’ve felt protective of her.

I have genuinely felt that way, but I realized that over time we’ve started acting like a couple without labeling it that way. A lot of hugs, her asking me to kiss her forehead/cheek, lying down together, cuddling, gifts, her crying to me when in need, saying “I love you” to each other. I have felt protective of her but over time I’ve realized this may not be healthy.

You might wonder what my best friend thinks of all this. He says he’d be fine with it if we dated, cause in all honesty he doesn’t care nor never cared about her at all (he even cheated on her when they were together). However I’m not sure of what I feel.

She has a very different communication style from mine. She often takes days to respond, disappears for stretches of time, and I’ve repeatedly felt neglected, confused, or emotionally unimportant. Over time I realized I had become emotionally attached to the friendship in a way that wasn’t healthy for me. I’ve even told her in the past that I felt I needed distance because I was becoming dependent on the connection - I’ve been really hurt in the past and I feel a toxic need to be emotionally validated and feel needed. I realize I might be projecting a savior fantasy on her even to some degree.

A few weeks ago she removed me from her Instagram Close Friends list and ignored some affectionate texts I sent her. Maybe because I told her I want sure I’d be able to make it to her birthday party. I started distancing myself.

Then her birthday party came around and my best friend was extremely insistent on going even though I didn’t want to.

Earlier that day I went on a date with another girl. I decided to go. So later that night I brought that girl with me to the party.

When we arrived, her expression immediately changed when she saw us. According to my best friend, she immediately asked whether the girl was my girlfriend. Throughout the night she apparently asked him multiple times whether she was my girlfriend. She also later asked me directly and confronted me angrily for bringing someone she didn’t know and other people. She also made a comment to my best friend along the lines of:

“Does (my name) like all his female friends or what?” According to him she said it annoyed, angry and walked away.

What stuck with me most was that while she was scolding me, I felt like there was genuine hurt underneath the anger. Her voice seemed to crack slightly at one point and I thought I saw tears or moisture in her eyes. In a brief pause she quickly hugged me afterward when the situation de-escalated, perhaps further showing the contradiction in her feelings.

After the party she ignored my texts for four days. But did reply normally in our group chat.

When she finally replied, she apologized for taking so long and said that she wasn’t jealous at all. She said she was simply upset because we brought people she didn’t know. She also thanked me for telling her how important she is to me and said she feels similarly.

The thing that confuses me is that earlier that same night she was completely fine with us bringing another friend who she barely knows and has even said before she doesn’t particularly like. That’s one reason why I struggle to believe the entire issue was just about the guests.

At this point I’m less concerned about whether she secretly likes me and more concerned about the fact that the friendship itself feels emotionally unhealthy.

I care about her deeply and don’t want to hurt her. But I also feel exhausted. Every time I try to distance myself, something happens and I get pulled back in. I’ve realized that I’ve become attached in ways that aren’t healthy for me and that the friendship has repeatedly caused me pain. Been thinking of having a conversation with her. What would you do in my situation?