#masakiisoft

" W'at's wrong, my /deer/? If yer not up fer a lil' /fawn/ then ya might wanna /high-tail/ it! "

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journal entry meme | @masakiisoft

 November 11, 19XX ( Age 26 )

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 When I was a boy, I once got angry with my Mom because she never married anyone else after my father died. I was upset, and angry, and I remember crying because I loved her so much - but I just couldn’t understand why she would refuse to allow herself to be happy. 

Since I was young at the time, I hadn’t considered how hurtful that statement could be… I’d go back in time and stop myself from saying such a thing if there were a way. But after I said it, Mom pulled me close and told me that happiness does not always have to be about what we have in the present moment. She explained that happiness is not something tangible; that it’s not an object, or even a destination, but rather that it’s a state of mind - a journey. 

She went on further to say that everyone could be a little happier if we all thought about the things we’ve had the chance of experiencing - viewing them as something gained, not lost - when the moment passes by. And how important it was to also think about all the many things we have yet to experience that are still possibilities.

I think about that a lot. 

But of course, she also explained to me that my father dying was in no way a sign that he did not love her anymore. And how she was not unhappy just because she was ‘alone’. She said that she still very much felt the love my father harbored for her. She said that love extends beyond what we can see, or hear - that love is what we feel, and understand in our hearts. 

That she has my brothers and I, and neighbors and friends. That although she may never fall in love with someone else besides my father, she has all that she needs, because there are so many different kinds of love in the world, and they are all equally special. 

Right now, I’m only in my twenties. I try to remember what she told me, because I believe that it’s true. 

It’s hard, though. 

Lilium…Forgive me for struggling with my unhappiness. I miss you      

journal entry meme | @masakiisoft

December 17, 19XX ( Age 18 )

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I need to study. 

Please let me study! I can’t get anything done like this. Why? 

I thought this weird feeling would go away if I just found out what her name was. But I saw her, too, at our campus gallery exhibit from the art department and - she’s beautiful just like I dreamed said. Beautiful like that painting…

Her name is Lilium. 

…I’ve never wanted to hold onto something so intangible as a name before, like I’m worried that it might get away from me. That makes no sense.

Should I say it out loud? Lilium… I’m nervous           

It sounds like an element from the periodic table, kinda, even though it’s not. It sounds like spring, too, like something I want to exist in, to feel. 

AAAHHH!!! STUDY SAM!

[ Okay, I probably just need to let it out of my system, so here it goes: 

Lilium. Her name is Lilium. LILIUM. : ) And she’s beautiful, and her art is beautiful! And she really understands the passion that pokémon possess and I really like that about her, not her, just that about… it.  ??? Anyway - 

I don’t know her, and our majors are practically opposites so I probably won’t see her again. But I wish her the best. ] 

THERE.

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