#marriage commitment

Marriage is one of the most rewarding experiences that two people can have, but it also requires constant effort, patience, and understanding. A good marriage is not something that happens by chance—it has to be built through daily choices and intentional actions. The following are some of the most significant principles that can help couples build a long and fulfilling relationship. Prioritize…

Nov 1, 2016

On marriage.

I think it can be a beautiful thing. And really if it weren’t all tied up in heteronormativity and the idolization of the nuclear family I’d wanna get married all the time to all the peeps. What is marriage really?

At its simplest, marriage is a public declaration of love. Two people declare they will love and be with each other forever in front of people who love them. That’s another part that makes me uncomfortable. Forever. Why it gotta be forever? Why can’t we be like I will most likely love you forever but we both recognize love is not all it takes to keep a relationship going and so if and when we are no longer healthy together we’ll gladly part our ways?

It is also a blessing by god. Which is cool but also weird because you can supposedly only marry one person in the eyes of the Catholic god.

So why would I get married?

PROS:

·      Our families (moms and grandmas) would really appreciate it and love it.

·      Public declaration of love

·      Time spent with family and loved ones celebrating my partner and I

·      Amazing pictures

·      All the attention

·      Memories to be cherished forever

·      Bachelorette party

·      My court <3

·      Dope ass outfit that defies white dress normativity

·      Vows

·      Reminiscing and thinking about the future out loud and with fam

·      Planning with friends

CONS:

·      Hella money for 1 day of our lives

·      Hard to avoid heteronormativity

·      It can suck for single people who are having a hard time being single

·      It can be obnoxious

Marriage advice worth heeding

When asked about his rule for marital success on his 50th wedding anniversary, it is has been said that Henry Ford replied with,

“Just the same as in the automobile business: stick to one model.”

Sounds like some advice worth heeding for any culture that’s being wrecked with a sell or trade-in mentality towards marriage.

You know the saying, "When you point your finger at someone, there are three more pointing back at you." Too often people allow blame to separate them, to drive them apart. They are quick to point the finger at their spouse and say, "It's all your fault!"

There are several things going on here. First, there is a failure to accept responsibility for your own actions. No one is perfect - ever. And, as they say, it takes two to tango. It takes TWO people to make a marriage works.

The other thing is the victim mentality. The 'good' spouse may say, "But I haven't done anything wrong!" Well, among the 'wrong' things, you are 1) keeping score and 2) placing all the blame on  your partner and 3) you are being a victim.

If your spouse is doing something that hurts you or upsets you, stop pointing fingers. Think about what role you play in the breakdown of the relationship. Whether or not you think you need to leave the marriage is beside the point.

You made a promise before God that you would love this person always.Take your promise seriously and put forth a full effort to repair the relationship and keep the marriage together.

Marriage is not easy. It takes work. It takes commitment. It takes humility. It take responsibility. Unfortunately, these characteristics are not being taught and divorce is as easy as filing your taxer (maybe even easier). 

If you are always looking for the faults in your spouse you won't have to look too hard. Just remember, it goes both ways. You aren't perfect either.

Try looking for the good, the positive. What are some good things about your spouse? Sometimes a simple change in YOUR attitude can change your spouse's attitude.

Do you need an attitude adjustment?