#marrbles

don't get me wrong, he does it. this is unrelated to him. he loves hard. he really does. and I appreciate and love him back as much as I receive it. though, sometimes I feel that he wins on that part. I'm still learning to be vulnerable, and holding back to. Because I know I shouldn't go more, as we should have our boundaries. and I try my best to uphold that. Grounding us in our beliefs.

but this feeling, is one that has been here before. always here, but hidden most of the time. those I've loved from way back, yet it feels like I'm often begging for their love. funny how I know this feeling is a moment. I'm fine most of the time. I get it. I get that the love I have for them, isn't something that could be replicated. that goes to all of us floaters. and it's understandable. but when this feelings hits, it hurts nonetheless.

I'll be fine again, in a bit. or tomorrow. whenever this feeling decides to go back into it's hiding. it's a feeling I could never diminish. So I'll sit in it, and just take in the waves crashing onto my shore.

a wip.

But the hurts depth takes place because of the love's depth.

heck even my weekly drive to do my laundry is enough to make me thrilled.

every time I'm on the road, I'm reminded of how I almost gave up on getting my driving licence. and every time I'm reminded, I thank Allah for it.

tbh, there are three things that's on my mind whenever I drive. It's like a whole package for me each time I lay my hands on the wheel:

🔸how I almost gave up driving, something that gives me so much happiness

🔸driving consciously, because I may have been lucky once before, but it probably wouldn't be the case the next time. (context: I micro-slept and hit the side of a car. thankfully the other car was alright and the owner didn't make a fuss of it. Also I'm always thankful that the crash wasn't a worse one)

🔸praying that I don't get into an accident, cuz no matter how safe you drive, you could still be a victim of a crash car due to another person.