#mark walberg

Eddie Vedder, Brandon Boyd and Paul Banks

Also mark from temptation island he can stay too

(I don’t think I spoiled anything)

Ok so I just watched Infinite and I think it was a pretty good movie. There were definitely some cheesy parts but it was good overall, the plot definitely has potential. The only thing I didn’t like was that Dylan was definitely not in it enough, but that might just be me. The times Dylan did show up though, lemme just say that he is very hot in general but skilled driving and swords just bring it up. (🤦🏼‍♀️oh my god tf) I do recommend watching it, it’s short and worth the watch :)

So “Temptation Island” is back. If you didn’t know, now ya know. And if you be knowin’ what I know, this show is a whole ass mess and these people are...

Well.

How do I put this?

I want to acknowledge first that love is a tricky thing. Love makes fools of us all. As does reality television. So that being said, and factoring in for two fool-ass variables, “Temptation Island” makes for the perfect storm of foolishness. These are people who have signed up to look like idiots. I don’t know why they’ve done it. There seems to be no cash prize. The only prize is the almost certain outcome that their partners will stray and bring to the table the baggage that comes with that. So, considering that, you’ve got two scenarios. If you’re scared and going into it looking to have your worst fears confirmed (your partner has previously cheated and you’re sure that he’s gonna do it again!) then you’re right. He cheated once and now he’s going to do it again. Better to cut your losses and run. And then the other side is true. Your partner can stray (because he will...everyone does) and then realize that you were the one he wanted all along and he’ll come running back. The freedom was a good thing. It taught them a lesson. They’ve seen the competition and they’re sticking with what they’ve got. Either scenario, your man or lady is about to fuck someone else. Now what? How you really feelin’?

And if you’re an asshole like me, this season does not disappoint. Looking for messy shenanigans and people to talk about??? Oh baby, “Temptation Island” is it. These folks are horned up, in shape, wearing bad clothing that somehow is from 2005 but at the same time, how? Everyone is 23 and should dress cooler. Why do people still dress like they’re in High School Musical on these shows??! People can’t possibly wear fedora’s this often. Why do they always bust out the damn fedora as soon as they’re on vacation? Keep it in the closet all the time. There is no right time! (And I’m looking at you too ladies. This hat is canceled!)

Also, a reality romance program lives and dies by its host. And in the case of “Temptation Island” the messiest bitch of all is Mark (I should’ve changed my last name twenty years ago but I kinda like being confused for the other guy) L. Walberg. Ooooo, he lives for the drama, honey. He pokes and prods and then offers a comforting frowny face when the tears start a-flowin’. And these poor,  emotionally-exhausted saps eat it up. (I also think we must consider the humidity on the island plus all the alcohol they’re drinking as a serious cause of some of their questionable decisions.)

But for a moment, if I may get back to the psychology of the show, some questions: What are these people thinking? How is this a good idea? Are any of these couples going to make it? We know the answers. And still we watch.

We’re all just human animals who want freedom. We crave the unknown, we crave adventure, we crave newness. But relationships get monotonous, repetitive and predictable. How do we reconcile the expectation versus the reality? Maybe we should be able to explore other people before we get married. The show does have some compelling points. But should we find that out on television with? On television with no mental health support no less? I don’t think so. And y’all are seriously trippin’ if you think you are about to leave this island with your relationship (and emotional health) in tact.

And guess what? I live. Yep. I sure do. I’m a mess for it. I know that and I own that and I’m here to corrupt you. But the best part is you don’t need my corrupting because you’re already trash like me and that’s why these shows keep coming back and will continue to do so for another 15 years.

Now, in defense of us, the viewers, the trash people. There must be some tribal component to the watching of the fools. We on the outside must be bonding psychically on the other side of the TV. Is our watching of them providing us with some of the feel-good emotion that these dummies are craving from the hotties on the island? Maybe. And we’re the lazy slobs without abs, eating chips at home while these goofs get a killer tan and a break from their real lives.

Shit. The more I think about it, the more this whole show makes sense. Stupid show. Stupid me!!!!

1. Matt Damon and Mark Walberg

I thought they were both in the Martian, just switching places.

2. Benediction cucumber and James D’arcy

No lies here. These are two different men

3. Jess Macallan and Melissa Benoist

Thought they were like a mother and child duo

4.Sam Claflin and Aaron Tveit

On my hebdomadal visit to the office yesterday, I replaced my very old work iPhone with a less old work iPhone.  The phone had not been used before, but in the euphemistic parlance of our technology friends, it’s “state of the shelf”.  It came with a real Apple box and everything.  Turns out that I did this all wrong.  If I had just left the phone sealed in the box for sixteen years, I might be able to buy a more modern phone.  That’s what happened to a New Jersey woman.  She sold her first-generation iPhone in the sealed box for $63 thousand.  According to the story, she received the phone as a gift in 2007.  Since she already had a phone (I’m guessing it flipped open to reveal the physical keypad) she put the phone in her sock drawer where it couldn’t scare her anymore.  There it remained forgotten for years while hundreds of photos of wonderful dinners with fancy desserts went untaken.  Eventually she was down to her last pair of toe socks and rediscovered the phone.  Having just seen the rerun of Antiques Roadshow where Mark Walberg said an unsealed vintage iPhone might be worth $5 thousand.  Editors note: Don’t confuse Mark Walberg with Mark Wahlberg and get suckered into watching an episode of Antiques Roadshow expecting the host to get punched in the face or break into a PBS rendition of “Good Vibrations” with the Funky Bunch.  Anyway, to make a long story just as long, some Louisiana-based auction firm talked it up and got her the cash she so desperately needed to buy a newer iPhone.  The owner of the winning bid was surprised to learn that the original iPhone only works on AT&T, so using the phone on the AARP sponsored “Consumer Cellular” network is a non-starter.  How much could I fetch for a new-in-box Steve Jobs-style turtleneck?  I could have left my work phone in the box and been just as productive, but hopefully I won’t still be in this job sixteen years from now.

Stay safe!

Tom