#mark salisbury

Mark: In a minute, we’ll have a QR code. The first night that we did this in Liverpool, one of the questions that the audience asked was, “Why do you keep playing that shit Neil Sedaka music?” It wasn’t me who said it.

Steve: Fuming.

Mark: Yes. So, er, Steve would like to explain why we're playing the shit Neil Sedaka music.

Reece: Stop saying “shit”, [inaudible - (does he say "it's camp"?)]

Steve: Well, as I’m sure Dan and Mike will know, we have always played Neil Sedaka music going back to our very very first League of Gentlemen shows. And that’s because, when I was a very cool teenager, I, uh, I stole a Neil Sedaka tape from my mum and dad. I was into Billy Joel, Neil Sedaka, [Reece laughs] Barry Manilow, all of this cool stuff. And, um, basically we used to play it, didn’t we, when we were, um, when we were playing board games.

Reece: Yeah.

Steve: We’d play Neil Sedaka. And when we, when Reece was on the dole and I was taking my week off. And we just got hooked on it. So when we went to Edinburgh Festival, uh, doing The League of Gentlemen, when we went to Drury Lane doing The League of Gentlemen, and every live event we’ve ever done, we’ve always, always, always played Neil Sedaka.

Reece: Yeah.

Steve: It’s our version of the hare. It’s our lucky…lucky mascot.

Reece: Yeah, we’d feel wrong if we didn’t play it. We, uh, like Steve says, we used to listen to him whilst we were in the doldrums and he used to cheer us up. And we did go, we go now, we go to, whenever he’s in London, we go to the Royal Albert Hall. Me and Steve will go and sit among all the old ladies like Gilbert & George, holding hands, and all the old ladies are like, “What the fuck are they doing there?” Anyway. So, um we tried to go see him backstage once, we went after him like mad fans. Me, Steve and Matt Lucas went round the back to try find, to catch Sedaka, and he just came out, went straight into his car, “I don’t have time! I don’t have time!” That’s Neil Sedaka, not Matt Lucas. “Don’t have time! Don’t have time!” So we never actually even got to meet him, but I thought I’m not having that, I need a connection between Neil Sedaka and us. So I, I, uh, wrote to Cameo — you know that website where you can get celebrities, if you pay them £20, to say hello or whatever it might be. Or “I’ve been to a funeral and you cheered me up.” And…I don’t think anyone’s done that, but, um... I got Sedaka to say happy birthday to Steve Pemberton. And I think we’re going to show you the video that he sent. This is it.

Neil Sedaka: Steve Pemberton! Surprise, surprise, it’s Neil Sedaka. Your friend Reece Shearsmith is wishing you a belated 53rd birthday. You introduced her to my music twenty years ago, and you’ve been to the Royal Albert Hall many times to see my concerts. One of my favourite venues. Well, um, I wanna dedicate two songs to you, two of your favourites. You really went into the, uh, into the, uh, the bottom of the barrel here, but I love it! Let’s see if I can remember this one. [playing opening bars of ‘For the Good of the Cause’ on piano] “Bodies like yours should be used for something more than just waving around like a flag.”

Reece: Right! Right, that’ll do!