#mark cdiyw

"All thanks to you, darling," Mark remarked. He let his guitar hang against his body as he grabbed and kissed his girlfriend's hand. Clarissa laughed. Amanda bit her tongue and smiled.

"That's our Clarissa! Our shining star!"

"Oh stop it, you two," Clarissa insisted with another laugh. "I couldn't do it without you both. We're a team. And we're going to do great! Now, I'm going to go to the dressing room. Coming Mark?"

"I'll be right there, gonna put things away." He gestured around the stage at nothing in particular.

Clarissa nodded, giving Mark a quick kiss before leaving stage.

Amanda got up from her stool, fiddling with one of her drumsticks still.

"Hey, Amanda, can I talk to you for a second?" Mark asked before she could leave. "I — I need a little help."

What could he need her help with?

"Sure, I guess so. What is it?"

Mark took a deep breath, taking his guitar off and leaning it against the speaker before walking over to Amanda. He stood rather close, fishing a small velvet casing out of his pocket. Inside was a classic, diamond engagement ring, shinning up at her.

"Oh my…"

"I want to propose to Clarissa," he confirmed with a large grin. "During this weekend's show. And I need your help. You are our third member, and her best friend, after all. She'd love to have you involved I'm sure."

"Woah… that's just… just so…" Amanda struggled to think of words that fit how a best friend should act in said situation. "… Wonderful Mark. I'm sure she'll be excited. And of course I'll help. What do you need from me?"

"Just not quite sure when I should — like at what point in the show," he explained as he pocketed the ring.

"Final song," Amanda replied quickly. "That one's her favorite. And there's this line she sings near the end -" Amanda pulled the lyrics up on her phone and showed Mark. "- right here. You sing that line together, right? And the one not right after — but after that? The final one?"

Mark nodded. Amanda guided Mark forward to the mic stand, where Clarissa had been.

"So she'll be there, and you'll be right here -" she stood to his left, where he would normally be. "- and you sing that line together like normal, but you take a step forward during it." Amanda demonstrated what she described. "And then after, while she sings 'always and forever,' you turn slightly and with another small step you're right beside her, and she'll see you on one knee right as she finishes her line and you can say the final line as she does."

"Wow — Amanda that's perfect!" Mark said with a large grin. "It's like you already had it planned. Thank you so much — your great!" He gave her a friendly pat on the shoulder before gathering his things and leaving stage.

Amanda's smile faded as she sat herself on the edge of the stage, legs swaying slightly.

She had planned it all before. She'd thought about it the first time she'd heard Clarissa sang the song, in her garage when they were eighteen. When Clarissa told her how much she loved it, and hope to sing it on stage. She pictured that moment. But it wasn't for Mark.

It was never Mark.

She didn't hate him. She wished she could. But he was still a friend. Who hadn't done anything wrong. A friend, who seemed to luck into everything she wanted.

But there wasn't anything she could do about that. They seemed to love each other. Make each other happy. As much as she'd love to be the one who made Clarissa laugh all the time. Kiss her hand during performances, hold her around the waist when meeting with fans, whispering sweet words in her ears, be the one she loved.

But she couldn't.

So she'd deal with being her best friend. The one she ranted and vented to. Who knew her best. She could be okay with that. She'd have to be.

Amanda spun the drumstick between her fingers again, watching it closely as tears fell from her eyes.

As long as Clarissa was happy, she could pretend to be happy for her.

The conversation slowly faded, after that. Clarissas constant crying had made her tired and she leaned against Amandas shoulder with a sigh. Amanda did not dare to move, or breathe, afraid of breaking the spell of the moment.

But of course she had to breathe eventually. As she did, she also moved- Might as well, now- putting her arm around Clarissas shoulders. The young woman shifted, just slightly.

"…'Manda?" she whispered. "Can I ask you to do something, even if it's stupid?"

Amandas heart skipped a beat.

"Of course, Clarissa. What's up?"

That was how Amanda ended up in her car once more, driving to the house of a man she didn't like to apologise for something she didn't do. Amanda could have said that she wasn't sure why she was doing this, but it wouldn't have been true. It was for Clarissas sake, the princess to Amandas desperately gay knight. She supposed, then, that he was the dragon, the great beast that had tried to take her dearest away. She slammed the car door shut with the vigour of half a dozen warriors and stomped up the stairs to the beasts den. Taking a deep breath, she rang the bell to Marks appartment.

When Mark opened the door, Amanda felt her will to fight fade away. He didn't look like a dragon to slay valiantly, he just looked… Well, tired. Like his life force had been drained somehow. Despite herself, Amanda felt almost bad for the guy. Ugh.

"I don't want to talk to you," he muttered, disdain in his voice.

"Well, I want to talk to you, so tough luck!" Amanda snapped back. Suprised by the force in her voice, she added a little more gently: "C'mon, dude, please."

Mark stared at her for a moment, probably considering if he should just slam the foor in her face. Amanda probably would have, in his shoes. In the end, though, he moved aside with a grumble and let her in. She had to give credit where credit was due- A few months ago, Mark would have completely lost his shit if anyone had approached him after something like this. It seemed like he had really made an effort to grow, which Amanda unfortunately knew to apprechiate. It really was inconsiderate of Mark to make it so hard to stay mad at him. 

He showed her to the living room and they sat, quiet for a moment. Seemed like his father wasn't home. Fidgeting with her keychain abscent-mindedly, Amanda decided to break the silence.

"So… I heard about what happened."

Mark scoffed. While she was trying to be polite, too. God, he really hadn't deserved Clarissa.

"Straight from the number one source, I bet. She sent you here, huh..."

It wasn't a question, a fact on which Amanda couldn't help but pride herself. Even Mark knew that the two of them were so close, it would have hardly been anyone else who could have told her. She waved a hand through the air, trying to seem cool about the whole thing and not at all like her feelings the past few hours had been stirred like a very confusing soup.

"Oh, yeah, you know how it is. She tells me everything. We're best friends, after all."

"Everything, huh… That's, uh, a lot."

Mark eyed the dark-haired woman. She seemed so cool and collected. Her and Clarissa never seemed to fight or get mad at each other at all. He didn't know how she did it. He was a mess, even after all this time trying to change for the better. He never got along with Clarissa that well. For fucks sake, they fought every other week at the very least. So, was it really that much of a surprise that she didn't even love him?

"Did she say anything about- About why she-"

He tried to just spit out the words and get it over with, but couldn't manage to finish even a single sentence. Stupid emotions that he couldn't stop. Even after all the exercises to keep them calm, they were still so big and loud and distracting that it made his head buzz. Mark wished he could just turn them off. This was probably why, or at least part of the reason. Stupid, stupid, stupid emotions.

Amanda sighed, snapping him out of his thoughts. She was looking at him with something almost like pity. He didn't need her pity. 

"That's what I'm here to talk about. Clarissa asked me to, and I can't say no to her, so…"

Of course. Clarissa couldn't even talk to him herself after what had happened. Mark wished that he could be furious right now, but he had learned not to scream just because it felt good. Instead, his mind circled back to what he had been thinking about so much in the past hours- What had he done wrong for this to happen? Perhaps he had been too forward and accidentally pressured her into something she didn't want. Perhaps she was scared of the way that his intense feelings tended to overwhelm him. Perhaps she had just hated him all along, and he had never noticed. 

"I bet she hates my guts right now, huh?"

Amanda almost laughed, but caught herself just barely when she realized that Mark was seemingly being completely serious. 

"What? Of course she doesn't hate you. Are you kidding?!"

Mark stared at her. God, the nerve of that guy. 

"Oh, shut the hell up!" He burst out, throwing his hands in the air. "There's a reason that we aren't married right now, Amanda! I let you in my house, but I can kick you out right now if you don't tell me why you're here!"

Amanda pursed her lips. She had gotten angry enough before. Now, it was time to be calm and, stupid though it felt in the moment, nice. If she could help Mark out, it would not only help Clarissa feel less bad, but also stop Amanda from feeling so bad for him as well. Even when he was throwing a tantrum. God, this was hard.

"Oh, sit your ass back down, Mark. I get why you're upset, I really do, but I have null interest in arguing. Zero, okay? In fact, I'm at least somewhat to help you. Can you get that through that thick skull of yours?"

Mark froze, staring at her in confusion. 

"What?"

Amanda sighed. 

"Please sit back down, Mark. Seriously."

He sat back down.

"Look," Amanda said. "I can only imagine how you feel right now. Clarissa is a hell of a woman, and losing her is something that I actually don't want to imagine, now that I'm thinking about it. Thing is, though, this whole situation is a complicated, stupid mess, and no one is really at fault or not at fault. And even though you're probably not completely innocent- Sit back down, I'm not finished- that doesn't mean you deserve to be alone. So, if you agree to help me with something in return, I promise that I'll help you find some gal or anyome else you can genuinely be happy with."

She left away the last part that was on her mind, namely that the last relationship had apparently been often lacking in happiness. Just because she was jealous sometimes didn't mean that she was mean. There wasn't anything to be jealous of now, anyway.

With a deep sigh, Mark buried his face in his hands.

"Amanda… Look, you maybe think you're being nice or something, and it's not that I don't apprechiate the offer, but there's no way that anyone I like would want to go out with me. I think it's proven by now that that just doesn't work."

Amanda raised an eyebrow, confident disbelief on her face. Marks lack of confidence, as serious as he seemed to be about it, was misplaced.

"Mark, my guy. If you can pull someone like Clarissa, you can pull anyone."

Amanda was fully serious about her statement. Clarissa was amazing, and wven just gettig someone who was third best after her would be an amazing catch, so to speak. Mark didn't seem to share her view, though.

"I obviously can't, though! I can't pull someone like Clarissa!"

Amanda tilted her head. He understood that Mark was feeling down, but that just staright up wasn't true.

"What do you mean?"

"What do you mean, what do I mean!? She doesn't like me, Amanda! She probably never did," Mark exclaimed. She half expected him to throw up his hands again, but he didn't. He just stared at her silently, as though hoping for her to refute his claims. Well, she couldn't say exactly what she hoped for, but she could at least help. If you thought that Clarissa hated Mark, Amanda would, begrudgingly, be the first to be able to inform you just how wrong you are.

"She doesn't love you, Mark. There- No, no, listen to me. There's a difference. Maybe she wasn't all in romance with you and what not, but she very clearly still liked you enough to stick around with you for all these years. Do you know how many times I've had her blabbering on and on about how much funyou two had doing god knows what? Don't answer that, it's too many."

Mark took a moment to process her words. Suddenly, he was squinting at her suspiciously.

"Hang on, Amanda, are you…?"

Blood rushing to her face, Amanda hurried to continue.

"Point is!!!! Uh. Point is, you're not a bad guy, even if you're not always in the right. And Clarissa does like a lot of things about you, so… I'm sure that someone else would like them, too. There's probably a whole bunch of hot people who wanna give you tongue and you just don't know it."

Mark tilted his head. He was probably still sceptical, but she knew that a part of him wanted to believe her. She would have liked that, especially since she was kind of serious about the whole thing.

"Okay, I- Um, sure, I guess!? But why do you want me to be with someone other than Clarissa so badly? Why can't I try winning her back?"

Amandas face felt hot enough to bake a pizza on, but she persisted. This wasn't going to be easy.

"Okay, look. I want Clarissa to be happy, you know that. I know that you want it too, but… she clearly isn't. I know you both did your best, but… You already went through all this once, didn't you? I don't think it would be any better the second time. Not after all of this. Also, um…"

She glanced off, cleared her throat and went for it.

"I'll help you find someone for you, I swear, but… there's something I'd like you to do for me, too. Something relating to-"

Mark jumped up before she could finish, looking equal parts astonished, upset and bewildered.

"I knew it! I knew you-"